Hello Internet

Hello Internet

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Sunday Snowy Sunday

Last night I called to check on all my friends back north.

Wait that's not right. What is the Internet for if not to print the unvarnished truth?

Last night I called my friend back north to gloat about how awesome the weather was here while they were digging out from nearly a foot of snow. Sure it wasn't very friendly of me but I never claimed to be a nice person.

I couldn't help myself. Every time something like this happens I get to prove to them that I made the right decision. I get to do the "I told you so" dance and while my lack of rhythm is disturbing for anyone watching they are on the phone and can't see so really it is a kindness that I live so far away.

See how I turned that back around?

Sneaky I know. It's part of my charm.

So I continue to grin today despite the fact that I have to mow the law. Or maybe it's because I have to mow the lawn instead of push the snowblower?

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Day 2: I blog again.

I'm losing my edge.

The South is making me soft. Even as I type this I can't think of a single incident in the last week where I cursed or yelled at someone for next to nothing. Even my sarcasm radar is failing me.

Today I stopped by Starbucks to get a latte. Three simple words. "small Latte please."

As the barista handed it to me she said "Where're you from?"

Normally I would have had some nasty remark along the lines of none your! Instead I smiled and asked her how she knew I wasn't local.

I need help. I've already watched Goodfellas and I think I managed to stop my accent's downward spiral but what about the attitude? Should I just start shoving the other mom's in the pick up line? Should I honk my horn at morning dropoff when people take too long to get their kids out? Stare down the lady on the treadmill until she cuts her work out short?

I fear it is already too late and my gentrification is inevitable. What's next? Full on stepford? I did actually buy a flowery summer dress and I was cooking with an apron the other day...

It's too late. Maybe it's like stockholm sydrome and I can get someone to deprogram me?

Or maybe I'll just keep calling everyone still north of the Mason-Dixon and tell them how great it is and how they should move down here too?

I'm going to tell them all about the biscuits and the smiles and nothing about the Pizza or Chinese food.

I'm starting to feel more like my old self already. Nothing like a bit of evil planning to remind me of my roots.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Drum Roll Please!

First lets start with the fact that I am thrilled this darn thing has spell check. I don't want anyone to be reading about my ninja stories and think any less of me because I spelled the word nunchaku wrong.

Although as I type this it occurs to me that maybe spell check might not know what I'm talking about. That certainly wouldn't be a new thing. Most of the time, most of the people have no idea what I am talking about.

Wait what was I talking about? Oh yeah my first post to convince you to come back.

If I'm honest I don't think this is going quite the way I wanted it to but I can be very pig headed so I'm going to soldier on.

Recently the running commentary that has filled my brain has been looking for a way to escape and as I am a bit too blunt for my nice new southern neighbors I needed a way to let it out.

That is of course the part where you (echo echo echo) come in. So here goes nothing Internet. My coming out party. I'd ask you to be nice but I know we aren't going to have that kind of a relationship.

Thanks!
VD