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Showing posts from June, 2013

5,000 and 1989

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Unless you all suddenly decide to desert me this post will mean my blog has been visited more than 5,000 times. I'd like to think that was 5,000 people but I know it is probably only about 50 people checking back sporadically and a bunch of spam bots.

In this momentous post you are going to get two random things.

One.

Part of the awesomeness of not drinking is I don't fear the police.

Out to dinner with some Gym Rats the other night we were called into the parking lot because hooligans had broken into one of our ladies cars and stolen her gym bag.

I won't go into why this was an epically stupid idea. Is there a black market for smelly sneakers and sweaty towels?

It was obvious from the police man's questions and the time of night that while the officer was trying to investigate the crime he was also trying to make sure anyone that was going to be driving could do so safely.

In case you weren't aware I'm pretty obnoxious. I don't turn this off in the presen…

I Got Nothing

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Really nothing. But I've never let that stop me before so here we go.

Random thoughts are about to spew forth from my head.

As soon as I can think of something random.

I tried trolling the blog idea sites but they aren't really up my alley.

Does anyone come here for product reviews? I don't think so.

How about my political opinion? Yup, that's what I thought.

Want to hear a list of things I love? Didn't I already do that?

This is what Summer does to you. It's all, stay up late and veg at the pool. There is no intelligent conversation or problem solving. Unless you count what's for dinner. (I don't)

I need a book. Something that isn't Twillight. UGH! Seriously I read them all, cover to cover and still hated them.

I could go on for days about why I hated those books so much. At one point I was praying for Bella to die. Or at the very least be struck mute so I wouldn't have to listen to her complain anymore. 'oh I love this guy but I'm goin…

Father's Day, Batman's Least Favorite Holiday

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It's Father's Day.

So far the kids have made Triple S bacon and eggs, bacon sandwiches and bacon cupcakes. (Okay we didn't make the last one but I thought about it.)

He was given presents of golf balls and Zombie books. You know, the usual presents dads ask for on their day. Now he is sitting on the couch playing Modern Warfare with Colin. (it might be World at War or some other such shooting game. I can't tell them apart.)

Basically it is a perfect Father's day.

That, of course, isn't what this post is about though because that would be normal and I'm a lot of things, but normal isn't one of them.

This post is about superheroes.

Man of Steel is out this weekend so it seemed appropriate.

I'm thinking about becoming a superhero. Like Batman without the billions or maybe Hawkeye (I have recently learned to shoot a bow.). There's also Spiderman, Green Lantern, Superman, Luke Skywalker, Hit Girl, Captain Kirk. I'm sure I could go on for quite s…

I love you Internet. You too History!

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I have no words for how awesome this is.




Would it be weird to get this framed and put it in my office? Because I want to. Vintage is big right now, right? That's what I keep hearing and this is certainly vintage. Plus it has a boat so it would totally fit in with the rest of the house.

What about this one? Not quite as vague. Certainly gets the point across.

Does VD make you green? Is that what was wrong with the wicked witch? Maybe this is just talking about actual gambling. I do have a mean poker face.


This is the best double entendre ever! More so because I am always loaded and a hell of a shot if I do say so myself. I really feel like they made these posters just for me.

War propaganda isn't usually this cool.

I'm going to talk to Triple S but I can't see any scenario where these don't end up on the office walls.




Okay just more more because I can't help myself. And PS there is plenty of medicine for regret although maybe it didn't exist during WWII?


  …

CAbi (now I know what it stands for)

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Last night I went to one of those home shows. You know, like a Tupperware party only for nice clothes.

They were seriously nice.

Classy even.

The consultant did a great job showing us all the pieces and putting them together in different ways while we made her job a challenge by calling out obnoxious things about the names or the sizes. (seriously there was a pair of jeans called the "baby boot" and a shirt called "keys please" it had keys on it.)

Before I continue and my snark comes out in full force I want to say how great almost everything was. (Except for the fuzzy vest. But hey, they can't all be winners.)



 Seriously if I was richer, skinnier, cooler, (insert your own excuse) I would have bought a lot of stuff.

As is usually the case with woman and wine we got louder and louder as the night went on. Niceties went out the window and everyone was some form of street walker. Or lady of the night, if your prefer. 

I tried on anything and everything I could s…

It's Summer! and Frogs pee.

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Summer had officially started in our house.

For us that means the kids are out of school and I'm not working. (This teacher thing is AWESOME!)

I'm not going to bore you with our exciting plans this year. I'm not that evil and they're not that exciting.

Instead I want to bore you with stories about my kids. I meant regale. Yeah regale. That's a fancy word!

Today we went to the pool. (see exciting.)

In the span of a few hours my kids talked to everyone. I mean everyone. They don't care how old you are, what you look like, if you are trying to sleep. They will tell you who they are, how old they are, where they were yesterday. Random details about their lives.

The funniest one today was about peeing frogs.

WHAT? That's weird right?


So the pool attracts frogs. The kids find them in the filters and pull them out. Releasing them into the wild while I sing Born Free,(as free as the wind freeeeeeeeee).

Some teenage girls were not as keen to touch them as my kids an…

Warriors Unite!

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So remember back when I did the Spartan Race?

Apparently this is my new thing. I go to the gym. I drink protein shakes and I run obstacle races.

Weird. Really weird, but that's nothing new.

So this past weekend was another race.  The Warrior Dash.



 So early Saturday morning my ladies and I (plus one 'little' brother) got in the pedophile van* and headed to the race. There was singing and laughing and ridiculous antics. We played the radio loud and giggled like school girls. Not a one of us under 35, all of us mothers, all of us normal, responsible adults.

But underneath all those years is still that ridiculous girl that danced silly and sang loudly with her friends.

You give us some matching shirts and a chance to get dirty and we might as well be 15 again.

Plus the Warrior Dash is like the Spartan lite. All of the fun with none of the bruises.

Hell we didn't even get dirty until the last 15 yards.

There was fire


and ropes.





 So we ran together. We cheered for each other…

Memory is Weird

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***warning***This post contains almost no humor.
Mostly it is a late anniversary present to Triple S.

Proceed at your own risk.


There are certain things that always trigger a memory. Sights, sounds, smells. Memory is much more than just pictures. For me, my easiest trigger is music.

I've forgotten most of my high school days. (I'm old, Remember?) I don't remember who I had for Sophomore math or who taught me what a monologue was. I can't remember who sat next to me in homeroom or who my locker was next to.

I can remember walking home from a party and singing "More Than Words" by Extreme with a girlfriend.

I remember playing the cassette single for Lisa Loeb until I knew every word in my little blue Ford Tempo.

I'm taking this horrible musical trip down memory lane because my new car has Satellite Radio. A wonderful luxury that I am enjoying to the fullest.

The decades channels are making me smile with every horrible song that plays.

Who could forget the…

Sadly this isn't Funny.

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Heard this on the radio this afternoon.

Apparently Macklemore and Ryan Lewis didn't get the Snoop Dog Memo. (Or Snoop Lion. Maybe this is a P Ditty name change thing?) Rap will never embrace gay people.

If I were gay I wouldn't lose too much sleep over this. They haven't been 'embracing' the female population either. Unless you like being called a ho in which case your welcome.

I don't say this to bad mouth rap. I grew up in the 80s and the 90s. At one point I knew all of the words to 'Nuthin' but a "G" Thang' and I love the Beasties Boys. (I'm singing Sabotage in my head right now.)

You can of course argue that none of that is rap but that isn't really the point.

I think he's wrong.

Time is the universal equalizer.

Things that were so forbidden that we couldn't even talk about them are common place 100 years later.

I hope Gay rights don't take that long but in the mean time it's always nice to see someone say F U w…