Hello Internet

Hello Internet

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Parenting 101

This is not a political post!!

I repeat. This is NOT a political post.

Although since my 12 step plan to make you a better parent will help create better humans it could serve as a way to improve this country.

Just kidding. It isn't 12 steps. I would have totally quit at 6 maybe 7. Alright 3. I would have quit after 3.

That's why my parenting technique is only one step.  ONE STEP

Seriously, I've made this easy.

Are you ready for it? I need you to pay attention. This is important.



DON'T RAISE AN ASSHOLE!!



That is literally all I'm trying to do. 

Should one of them cure cancer or initiate peace in the middle east that would just be a bonus. 

All I'm really looking for is little humans who don't think the world owes them everything. 

Who don't try and find offence in every little thing. 

Who can have a conversation with someone who disagrees with them without using name calling and Hitler comparisons.

SIDE NOTE: Hitler actually killed MILLIONS of people. MILLIONS. He didn't raise or lower taxes or insult your favorite band. 

I just want kids who understand that the only way to get anything is through hard work. And here is the shitty part. Sometimes you work as hard as you can and you still lose. It sucks! But this is life.


I wants kids who won't cry when they lose and claim the system is rigged. (PS even if it is rigged, complaining about it is useless. On the other hand, doing something is an actual solution to something you find unfair.)




I need kids who will grow up and not come crying to me the first time their boss doesn't high five them for doing their job. There are no participation trophies in life.

So that's it folks. That's the whole 12 step program.


Try not to raise an asshole.


I figure if we all try this approach the world will be a much nicer place.