Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Kryptonite/Hair

First before I start talking about  myself I have a question.

Is there another superhero besides Superman that has such a well known weakness?

Sure the Green Lantern has yellow stuff. (you know you totally knew that)

I really can't think of anything else off the top of my head.

Time Out while I search the Internet...........................

I'm back. Guess what? There is nothing else memorable. Although I will mention that I just learned the original Wonder Woman could be trapped if a MAN bound her hands. That is some serious sexist Bravo Sierra. Glad that is no longer the case.

Okay after that little nerd interlude let's get back to me.

Have I told you I have a "Kryptonite"?

Time Out again. Did you know Krypton is in spellcheck but Kryptonite isn't? WTF?

Back again. About my Kryptonite (seriously. how is this not in spellcheck?).

I'm going to tell you but only because I doubt there are any super villains that read this blog. They are much more into TUMBLR and VINE.

It's my hair.

You know that stuff that grows on top of my head? Yeah.

I HATE WHEN ANYONE TOUCHES IT!!

Is there something more yelly than bold caps? Maybe underlined too?

Seriously. I HATE IT!

Underlining was too much! I always go too far. Live and learn.

It was one of the multitude of benefits to having short hair: no one touches it. But now in some sort of sick sadomasochistic move I'm growing it out. Don't say I'm overreacting. Have you ever grown out short hair? It's like one bad middle school hair cut after another and now to add insult to injury people feel like they can touch it.

"Ohh it's curly." Like that fact that my hair has curls means you should touch it.

PS it doesn't. These are the same people who touch pregnant lady's bellies I bet.

Right now I still have enough patience to remain calm and not slap anyone but we are quickly approaching the day when I'll black out and when I finally come out of my Hulk like rage someone will be lying at my feet wondering why and I'll have to explain to a judge that it was a totally provoked attack.   "She touched my hair." Best. Defense. Ever.

I guess this is more of a public service announcement. Or maybe a warning...

If you've gotten away with it in the past. Count yourself lucky but remember one day the sleeping lion is going to wake up and you are going to pull back a bloody stump.

Gosh those are some serious mixed metaphors. What ever.

You get it right?

Hands off the hair!!


I love you Internet! Don't ever change. There is nothing you don't have!!!!




Monday, June 8, 2015

Getting Rid of Satellite Helped Me to be a Better Parent.

Just not the way you think.




A few months ago Triple S and I agreed we were paying WAY TO MUCH for satellite TV. This isn't to say we didn't like it. Because we certainly did, but the bill just kept getting larger and the number of shows we were watching was getting smaller and smaller.

So we cancelled and got a streaming box and a digital antenna. (unless there is a chance I'm going to get something free I'm not plugging any name brands!)

Yeah. Old school rabbit ears. (although they are hidden in the attic so no one knows.)

That way we could keep watching local channels and the fabulous b team news.

That is what Triple S and I call the local news. If you are from the New York tri state area and you have since moved to small market news location then you know what I'm talking about. It's like watching high school Shakespeare. Sure they may get all the lines right but it isn't the same.

When we finally severed the satellite link we started discovery new things. Well actually old things but they are new to us again.

Sunday morning The Monkees are on.  It actually holds up. It's still silly and fun and it makes you smile.

The best part though is Saturday's line up.

1966 Batman

1975 Wonder Woman

1966 Star Trek  
Better still is the fact that my kids are excited about watching these. When they found out Star Trek was on netflix they started a marathon.

As a parent you are supposed to share the world with your kids. Teach them about the important things and that is why I feel like I am totally winning as a parent.

You can teach your kids sharing and kindness. I'm sticking with nerd topics only.


Thursday, June 4, 2015

Still Your Mind

So this isn't the first time I've talked about trying to be a fitter me.

Recently though, I've switched up some things. Including Yoga in my routine to try and balance the abuse I take at Krav Maga. Or trying to see how many dichotomys I can include. Who knows.

It's really hard to know why I do anything.

So back to Yoga. It's great. All Namaste and stretching.

I've always been a reasonably flexible person but Yoga is something else. There are always a few ladies who can totally human pretzel themselves but none of this is important.

What is important is Shavasana.

Yeah yeah yeah. I know we don't all speak Yogi.

It's the rest at the end of class and apparently the "hardest practice" in yoga. At least that is what the instructor always says.

FYI everything in Yoga is a "practice" kind of like medicine. 

The point it just to lay there and clear your mind.

The second part of that sentence is the hard part.

My inner monologue while I tried to "count my breaths" (that is how we are supposed to stay focused on nothing, if that's possible), is very disjointed.

I think most people probably have a hard time shutting down their to do list and the things that they are currently worrying about. Normal things like college funds and dry cleaning pick up.

Not me. Not that you are surprised by this.

So here is a peak inside my mind while I am trying to keep it still.



1   2   3   4 exhale

1   2   3   4 inhale

think about nothing. think about nothing.

Nothing

Nothing

Is this what it was like for the Ghostbusters?

 I'm feeling pretty sympathetic to Ray right now.

back to breathing stupid.

1   2   3   4 inhale

1   2   3   4 exhale

nothing nothing

be still, chill. veg out. Like Broccoli.

Can you imagine what it would have been like if he had thought about a unicorn?

breathing, counting, breathing, counting

relax

relax

My mind is blank

Blank Blank

Tabula Rasa

Latin is weird. Not as weird as Shakespeare but weird.

There is no Shakespeare stuff in my house. Maybe I should search pinterest for a project?

Dammit! 

1   2   3   4 inhale

1   2   3   4 exhale

I should totally write a blog about the fact that I can't stop thinking weird stuff while I am supposed to be meditating. Wait is meditating the same as Shavasana?  Because sometimes we do both and they are separate things? Although They feel the same except one is when I am sitting and one and when I am laying down.

1   2   3   4 inhale

1   2   3   4 exhale

Oh she's wringing the bell. We're done. toe wiggling time!!!



Would it be considered META that I am now writing a blog about how I was thinking about writing a blog and now you're reading that blog?

Either way. At no point did I think about my to do list or what I was going to cook for dinner or if I had left the porch light on that morning.

So good luck the next time you have to clear your mind. Hopefully the fate of the world won't rely on your ability to think about nothing.

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Lillian Smith Jr (is not a real person)

For the last few weeks Triple S has been dealing with a back issue. I say that like it's a minor thing but sadly it wasn't.

12 years ago Triple S managed to land himself in the care of a back surgeon. If you are following at home he was still in his 20s! Yeah. It wasn't cool then and it isn't cool now.

But that isn't the point.

In the last few weeks we have seen doctor after doctor as we were passed up the ladder from GP to specialist to surgeon.

As we sat in the waiting room of the surgeon's office Triple S and I were discussing if the MD was a he or a she when we noticed a diploma on the wall. As is standard on diplomas the doctors name was written. (Aren't you glad I explained this part? Seriously? Just in case you have never seen or received a diploma of your own. Or you are an alien from another planet.)

The doctor was a "third".

It was at this point I told Triple S I was sure our doctor was a male.

He agreed of course because I'm always right or he was in a lot of pain or maybe it was the painkillers? It's hard to be sure but either way he said I was right.

Of course I'm right. No one has ever met a Sharon Mckenzie III. Or a Jennifer Stein Jr.

Sure you can say it's because women still usually take their husband's name so it wouldn't be a true "junior" but we know that isn't the real reason.

Actually I don't really know what the real reason is but it is surely one of those purely male things.



PS

So I wrote this about a week ago and then started reading The Imperial Cruise. It's a book about President Teddy Roosevelt and the lead up to WWII. In the book it talks about how he sends his daughter just to keep his name in the papers but unless you like WWII none of this matters.

What does matter is that her name is Alice Roosevelt. Like Alice Roosevelt the second. As in that is also her Mom's name? WTF Teddy! Way to prove me wrong from beyond the grave.

No one say anything to Triple S.

Sunday, April 19, 2015

Dear NC Drivers

It's Spring here (actually it's spring everywhere it's just the weather that's different). This means it's getting warmer and flip flops are coming out.

It also means rain.  Lots and lots of rain.

I'm not complaining about rain. I love it. It makes the flowers grow and it makes the pollen go far far away.

What I don't like is how it affects the drivers down here.

Before I complain about 'locals' I want to talk about how much I love my adopted home. North Carolina is awesome. The weather, the people, the biscuits, the sweet tea.

It's all great on most days.

I'm even cool with the ridiculous way we handle the snow down here. It's rare and I get that no one is going to have enough practice for a mastery of the skill of snow driving.

Totally okay.  I'll stay home and laugh at the ridiculous rush of people to get bread and milk because an inch is being predicted.

So you totally get a pass on the lack of snow driving skills.

But what about the rain?

Seriously. Why can't you drive in the rain? For the last fours days I have been trapped behind car after car doing at least 5 miles under the limit while my windshield wipers are still on intermittent.

Traffic has been ridiculous and the roads are barely damp.

It rains all the time. You should know how to do this.

Wait. I'm having an AHA moment!!
 Is this a NASCAR thing? I know they can't race in the rain. They even have jet powered blow dryers for the track to dry the asphalt. I know this because a few years ago some guy crashed into one and it EXPLODED! Seriously. That happened.

Okay here is some knowledge. Your car does not have racing slicks. You have tires with treads that help you grip the road even when it's wet. Yes hydroplaning is a real thing but not when it's only drizzling.

Speed up people. You're making me want to find out how harsh the road rage laws are down here.

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Surrealist

So I'm pretty sure I've talked about my love of weird and nerdy t shirts before.

Although according to some stupid style blog I am no longer allowed to wear ironic t shirts. (Screw you. I refuse to grow up, I AM NOT OLD.)

Whatever. They're not the boss of me.

That's why I bought this t shirt the other day.

So cool right?

You can get one here if you want to be as cool as me.

I'm guessing right about now you're confused. I'm guessing this because no one said anything about my weird shirt when I wore it.

Introspective moment: Is it possible that my weird t shirt obsession is just a thinly veiled cry for attention?     NOPE. That seems unlikely. Pretty sure that's what this blog is for. 

No one. Not even the amazing Triple S, who usually gets my weirdness.

So here comes the schooling (this is ironic because I'm talking about teaching you something while using poor grammar. That's funny 101 kids. So is explaining why something is funny.)

Salvador Dali had a pet anteater that he would take for walks!!
 Okay so that isn't why you might know him He was also kind a big deal in the art world.  Painted a bunch of 'melting' pictures that looked like they came straight from the mind of the kind of man who would have a pet anteater.

Pure crazy town. This one is called the Persistence of Memory because that makes total sense. He also hung out with Picasso! Picasso people! Oh and he has his own museum. Sure it's in Florida instead of Paris but I'm pretty sure it's still a big deal.


I had a poster of one of his paintings in my room at Boat College. Because when you wear a uniform every day and are only allowed one poster and one picture in your room you need to pick something that lets everyone know you are insane. Or at the very least borderline loopy. Dali is clearly the best choice to convey this message.

So there you go. Now go forth and put this knowledge to good use. Like getting another crown on Trivia Crack.




Thursday, March 26, 2015

15 years

15 Years ago today I married Triple S. 

Actually we didn't get married for another 15 days but that's a story for another day.

Today is the day I wore the dress and we said romantic stuff while everyone watched so we will count it as our anniversary.

It was wonderful but that isn't what I wanted to talk about today. Today I wanted to talk about what I thought I wanted and what I got.

I remember counting the days till our first anniversary because then we would just be regular married people. Regular. Normal. Married. People. Not newlyweds.

That was what I wanted.

More than anything I wanted my regular life to start.

On our first anniversary Triple S and I went to a lovely French restaurant. We ate escargot and dined by candlelight. It was romantic and wonderful. Then we went home and ate frozen, year old, cake.

Is that still a thing? It really shouldn't be. that cake was GROSS! But we had a few bites. Enough to ensure tradition was followed before throwing it away.

I remember thinking regular life was going to start now. My normal life.

I'm not sure what I thought that meant. Maybe eating breakfast together while solving a crossword puzzle? Maybe going on road trips to see the world's biggest ball of twine?

Clearly I had no frame of reference. That was why I wanted it so badly.

It's been 15 years. A few moves, a bunch of job changes, some adorable kids and too many ridiculous things to list. Nothing has been 'normal' or 'regular' and that has been the best part.

What Scott (Triple S) has taught me is that it really doesn't matter what you are doing and where you are but who you are with.

I'll gladly spend the next 15 years with him. Probably more than that if I'm lucky.

So thanks for the life lesson and everything else. <3<3<3 Happy Anniversary husband of mine!