Friday, August 16, 2019

Functional Training

Right now some of you are yelling that you are not going to drink the Koolaid.

I get it. Seriously, I was you. I was actually tricked into joining. Bamboozled even!

For everyone else who is confused by my ranting here is what I'm talking about.

Functional Training is a tern for Crossfit.

But hold on one minute before you totally ignore me or start ranting about how you don't want to be the best at exercising.

There is a reason Crossfit is called Functional Training.

I'm talking to you moms!

You know that battle to only make one trip with the groceries?

Functional Fitness

You know how your toddler wants to ride on your back for an hour?

Functional Fitness

You know that balancing act you perform while you read one more bedtime story on the edge of the bed packed with a small child and every stuffed animal ever made?

Functional Fitness

You know when you run along the sidelines of your kid's soccer game trying to get the perfect "action shot"?

Functional Fitness

You know when you bend down to tie your little one's shoe for the 100th time?

Functional Fitness

Basically what I'm saying is that Crossfit is for you.

So this is my plea to you ladies to join me at the YMCA and try out a class.

Is it hard? YES

Is it worth it? YES

Will you be able to "keep up"? YES

Monday, July 22, 2019

Women and Guns

I posted this on my Facebook page. What followed was a back and forth mired in misunderstanding.

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This is what I posted for clarification, it is about as clear as I can be about why I think women and guns are a good thing. 

I don't need you to agree but I'd like it if you understood.


The main reason I love teaching women to shoot is that guns are the great equalizers.
Especially for women.

I can train every day. (Something I do) but men are inherently stronger and faster. That's genetics.

Don't get me wrong most men don't stand a chance against me but for the ones that do, they might be faster or stronger than me but they are not stronger or faster than a bullet.

I teach that talking and running are always your first options to get out of a bad situation. Before that is NOT being there at all.

But sometimes bad shit happens no matter what steps you take to avoid it and some people can't be reasoned with.

So should the police be by my side when this happens I will let them do their job but as it is more likely that I will be alone (or worse, with my kids) know that I won't hesitate to make sure I am the one that gets to go home tonight.

I don't think like this because I live in a "bad part of town" or because I'm looking for a fight.

I think like this because the world has changed and I can't sit in an ivory tower and pretend it's 1985. Bad people hate me without ever having met me.

If they knock on my door know that I am ready and I am going to help as many people as I can be ready too.

Tuesday, July 16, 2019

I am a Superhero

Sunday is Funday.

I spend most of Sunday's at open mat because that is fun to me.

What's "open mat"?

Good question.

It's a time when your BJJ (Brazilian Jui Jitsu) school lets everyone train but there is no lesson. Just people rolling together trying to get better at a sport they love.

When you work really hard the mats are covered in sweat. I mean covered!

Obviously, that is GROSS and it needs to be cleaned up.

Enter the cleanup crew. Or as it is less formally known the student and instructors.

I had a mop in my hand because I was in the Navy so I can out mop most people. 😜

Natalie was there too and as is the natural state of a 12-year-old girl she was being sassy.

One of the other members of the cleanup crew commented that she was past the age where she thought her parents were perfect superheroes.

I laughed for a moment before replying.

"Fuck that. I am a Superhero."

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Or as close as you are going to get without any magical powers and Natalie agreed.

Side note. This is not about mommy shamming. You can be a great mom without being a secret ninja.

So sure she questions everything I say and revels in telling me I'm wrong but she doesn't question my superhero status.

And neither should you.

Sunday, June 30, 2019

Flex Friday

Did a little bathing suit shopping today because this is the summer the bikini returns.

The time to worry about some imaginary beauty standard is over.

In the last ten years I have become so much stronger and faster and healthier. I am in the best shape of my life and I'm not stopping. I want to improve every day.

But none of that is what I'm talking about today.

Today is about the fact that while I was trying on bathing suits I noticed some super awesome back and shoulder muscles.

Then I spent 3 to 5 minutes flexing in the changing room. (it might have been longer I don't have a watch.) the mirrors were at the perfect angle and the lighting was magical.

Never have I wanted to be a professional fitness model more. I'm guessing they would have been able to flex much better than me but even with my amateur status, I was still awesome.

There are so many muscles back there. I mean all the muscles. ALL the muscles.

At home photo isn't as magical but still. I WILL SQUEEZE THE LIFE OUT OF YOU!

Who wants a HUG?

I have a wedding to go to in October. I'm thinking strapless. Other people should enjoy the view. It would be selfish of me to keep it from them.

side note: Someone at Jui Jit Sui said my legs were strong. You guys know that makes me giddy. I'll take that over "you're pretty" any day of the week.

Wednesday, June 12, 2019

Fear's enemy is preparation

We have the Ring Doorbell. It's cool and I can see who is at the door so I can decide if I actually want to answer it. Also I'm about to have a teenage driver in my house and if he thinks he can sneak out that is NOT going to happen. Or maybe he wants to sneak someone in? Either way, not on my watch.

Image result for ring app images

I mean that's what I use it for but I think other people use it too keep an eye on their property and discourage thieves. If the Ring app is anything to go by it is also used to locate lost dogs, garbage thieves and random ding dong ditch perpetrators.
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My daughter likes to scroll through the alerts. She hopes the pups find their owners and laughs at kids running from porches.

We had a quick conversation about why so many people post about cars turning around in driveways and people walking by on the sidewalk.

I explained that people see danger around every corner when they don't know what real danger looks like. So every person that walks by might be a robber casing their house and every car in their driveway might be a team of burglars ready to steal their awesome DVD collection.

It might also be someone who made a wrong turn on their way to a dinner party.

When you aren't prepared you can see darkness in every corner. Danger in every stranger.

The best way to conquer fear is to be prepared.

Are you prepared?

I might know a good place to start if you need help.

Sheepdog Response

Sheepdog Response

Saturday, June 8, 2019

I'm Broken Again or My Legend Only Grows

So you may remember a few years ago I broke my wrist.

I did get an awesome metal plate. So it was kind of a win. But more than the fact that I broke it was the stuff I did after the break.

I finished the race.
Didn't miss a day of "work".
Did a half MURPH within a month.
And was back training ninja stuff in a week.

Basically, I proved I'm a superhero.
Or insane. Sometimes it's a fine line.

I've tried to tell people I don't feel pain but it always sounds like I'm exaggerating or bragging.

I'm not. It's gotten me into trouble before.

Not feeling pain isn't a good thing.

But since I can't change it I will use it to my advantage to help my legend GROW.

So I'm broken again. The 2nd metatarsal in my right foot.

We are going to use the Ranger Up Grappling Classic as a timeline for my injury.

2 weeks till the tournament
Let's start with the how.

I mean that's what everyone asks.

What I say is "big guy fell on it." And while that is true it's a bit of a simplification.

What happened was I was training HARD and because I'm still a blue belt and do stupid stuff I had an active toe during a takedown and the person doing the takedown (the takedowner?) landed on it.

The noise it made was so scary everyone in class stopped. I of course laughed it off.

"I'm sure it's fine."-me

Everyone else seemed concerned.

Ice was procured. A chair was moved.

I was told to chill.

So because it did hurt and I was tired I agreed.

"It's just your tendons" -coach

Sure. Let's hope you stayed at a holiday inn express last night because you're not a doctor.
it's swollen but it doesn't look too bad right?

12 days out
For a few days I hobbled around but then it was feeling better and I don't have time for injuries.

Thank goodness for tape. Surely it will fix anything.
Please notice my foot has tape on it.

Back to training.

Does my foot hurt? Yes. Do I care? No.

So training hard is the only option.

7 days out
I'm concerned about the fact that my foot still isn't "better". But the swelling is down and the bruises are gone.
toes aren't supposed to be purple

I'm sure it's fine.

4 days out. Last hard roll. Last real training session. When I stepped off the mats I was pretty sure my foot was broken.

3 days out.
I call the orthopedist and make an appointment for the Tuesday after the long Memorial Day weekend.

Could they have squeezed me in tomorrow? I'm not sure. I didn't ask. I didn't want them to confirm what I suspected. As long as there was room for doubt I could compete.

"You're not going to tape your foot at the tournament are you?" -coach

I mean I was but I guess not now. Pretty sure the tape was only a placebo anyway.

Tournament day
10 matches! 10 matches. Some wins some losses. Not a bad day. I made some stupid mistakes but again, blue belt. That's pretty much a guarantee.
on the podium. 

Either way the foot felt pretty good. I was starting to think I overreacted by calling the doctor.

1 day after
"Whose coming to open mat?" -training partner

This chick is. Foot feels better and I want to try and work on the dumb stuff and hey, what else am I going to do on a Sunday?

2 days after
"Mom we're doing the MURPH right?"-Nat

 Of course we are peanut. Who says no to a kid wanting to honor a true hero and exercise?
squats squats squats

Please note I rowed instead of running because while my foot felt better running still wasn't an option.

3 days post Tournament
"Oh hey Doc."-me

That is for sure a broken foot so its a good thing I have a boot waiting in my car. I'll just slip into this sexy accessory.

"See you in 3 weeks."-me

boot at the pool. 

So to sum up I am a real-life superhero.

One last thing. If this sounds like one big brag it's this guys fault:

When you reinforce my bad choices with compliments it only feeds the beast. He did temper it with a dig about my mouth but whatever. Doesn't change the fact that you said something nice first. 

Monday, May 6, 2019

Mama Bear VS Sheepdog Mom

Moms want what's best for their kids. They want them safe to grow up and flourish. Live a better life than their parents. And when things don't go their way those same mom's, who cut the crusts off sandwiches and make homemade Halloween costumes, turn into fierce and dangerous Momma Bears.

The problem is that Momma Bear's claws and teeth aren't real. All roar and no bite.

Don't get me wrong lots of things in this world can be fixed with words and a strong backbone.

Momma Bears aren't a bad thing.

But there is something better. An option that does have teeth. An option that has claws and knows how to use them.

The world is complicated and sometimes the ability to defend yourself and those you love most is required.

Bears cannot be relied upon to attack when needed. Bears aren't Man's best friend.

That place of honor is held by the dog. (I don't want to hear about cats. That's crazy talk.)

So I don't want to be a Momma Bear I want to be a Sheepdog Mom.

I want to be your friend. I want to make you feel safe. But never for a moment doubt that if needed I have teeth and claws and I will use them to protect what's most important to me.

I know that in order to be a sheepdog I must first acknowledge that there are things in this world that are evil.  They are rare but they are still out there. At first, it's scary admitting there are things in the world that want to hurt you. But once you start to learn to be aware you realize you can avoid them.

It's liberating to know there isn't much you can't handle.

So who wants to be a sheepdog instead of a momma bear?

My favorite people have a sale going on right now. 

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You know I have a favorite group and they want Mom's safe to so they have a discount code.

They have15% off the entire site now through Mother’s Day with code: SDRMOM

Functional Training

Right now some of you are yelling that you are not going to drink the Koolaid. I get it. Seriously, I was you. I was actually tricked int...