Tuesday, January 20, 2015

My Little Green Notebook

Welcome to my blog.

Did you know that some bloggers update theirs blogs more than once a week?

Crazy right? Yeah I thought so too. I guess I just don't lead a very exciting life. Part of the problem is also that when an idea pops into my head I think to myself that I am possibly the cleverest person ever, surely I will never forget this very clever idea.

Guess what. I forget them all the time. I remember that I had an idea but for the life of me I can't remember what it was.

Hence the title of this blog. The kids and I went to the bookstore the other day and you know how they load the sides of the check out aisle with crap they want you to buy? Yeah Of course you do.

Well I bought something.

Now I would have a tiny notebook to write down my brilliant thoughts.

FYI I didn't buy two thinking that I would have so many brilliant thoughts that I would fill up the first one and would require a second one. They came in a two pack.

Either way I'm ready to write some stuff down.

Please note you can add a reward for if it's returned. Sadly although I think my thoughts are beyond priceless I'm not willing to offer 10's of 100's of pennies as a reward so it will just have to be Karma.

I would like to say that these notebooks bode well for increased posting but lets be honest, that isn't likely.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

I know 35 Thousand People

Today is Thursday and it is my weekly routine to enjoy lunch with my favorite female people. You might remember I've talked about this before because it was at our regular lunch outing that I was vividly reminded of my past life of 9-5 grind.

Today though as I walked into the restaurant I glanced around. A quick headcount lead me to a startling realization.

I KNOW TOO MANY PEOPLE.

I counted. There were 23 people seated and eating and I knew 10 of them. That's almost half.

FYI I looked up the population of my town and as of 2013 it was 34,887.

We've lived here for 4 and half years and apparently I know 17,000 people. At least that is what I'm assuming based on my extensive knowledge of statistics and other analytical math.

That's too many! Too, too many!

So that's it people. No more saying hello to strangers. I'm done. I've maxed out.

Sorry new neighbors, new gym goers and new parents at the schools. I'm full up.




As a side note I also saw a man I'm going to refer to as hipster Sea Captain. I got a really blurry picture but I'm not going to post it based on the above tirade. I'd feel pretty bad if it turns out that he is someone's son. 

Yes of course, I know he is someone's son, I guess what I mean is that he might be someone I KNOW's son.

And if that isn't some serious Freudian self centered insanity I don't know what is. :-)

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Old Technology

Triple S and I just spent some quality time upstairs sorting through all the extra cords we have from years of chasing the ever upgrading technology demon.

You know the one I'm talking about. where as soon as you buy something they tell you about the "new and improved" version that will be available in just one more week. 

Giant TV's gave way to flat screens and then flat TV's.
From the side this thing is ten feet deep.

We love gadgets in this house. Do you sell something cool and fancy that can bring me one step closer to a robot run home? Then I'm interested.

Examples of our craziness include being on the waiting list for the first tivo that was Direct TV compatible. Sure DVRs are common place now but back then the concept of recording your shows and fast forwarding through the commercials was insane. God how I loved that thing.

Although I never had a T Mobile sidekick I did have one of the first camera phones. Sure the pictures were so blurry it was hard to tell if I was sending you a picture of my foot or my dog but it was still a picture I was sending by phone.

I know if you are young you are reading this like I'm insane but this is my generation's "uphill both ways" speech.

"When I was a kid we had to get up to change the channel."

FOR REAL.

The point of this isn't to talk about technology though, it's to talk about this:
To prove it's real that is my wedding photo in the background.

Remember I told you we had this camera and that I used it to take pictures on my honeymoon back in 2000? Yeah well Triple S found it in the pile of random cords. 

Apparently we truly never throw anything out. 

PS I'm typing this from my new Christmas present. A touchscreen laptop. Because I do love a cool gadget and apparently Triple S loves me.

Monday, December 22, 2014

The First Gift of Christmas

So I had a Christmas party with my best ladies the other day (husbands too although not Triple S as he is stuck on the boat.). Last year we did an ornament exchange and that went great but this year we did a Secret Santa instead.

At a girls weekend away we picked names and set a limit. Then we started the shopping.

I'm not going to go into details because who cares? This blog is about me me me.

So lets talk about my gifts.

If you know me in person or from the Internet you know that this mug made me happy. Obviously it's perfect for me and my super nerdiness. PS the TARDIS disappears and reappears on the other side when you add hot coffee.

Sure I suppose it would work for tea too but despite my love of British TV that isn't about to happen. Coffee is my life blood.

It gets better though.
First, it's a bit weird that my BBC mug was made in Brooklyn but I'm not judging.

Second, not cool that I can't put it in the dishwasher but I'll survive I guess.

Third, and the best part, "For best results, use other side."

I hate stupid safety warnings.  "Careful, Coffee may be hot"? Do you really need this warning? Do we need instructions on Pop Tarts? How about warnings that razors are sharp? I try not to think too hard about the people who need these labels.

That is why when something is obnoxious like this it makes me happy.

There are whole websites dedicated to this.

Check Them Out.

In the mean time I'm going to turn my mug over and fill is it with delicious HOT coffee and watch my TARDIS time travel.... Or, I guess It will really only be space traveling? Either way it's cool.


Thursday, December 18, 2014

On Christmas I Crush Things

Tonight was my Preschool Christmas Program. (Should all the words be capitalized?)

Eh. Whatever.

The sweet little ones were all dressed up. There were wise men and sheep and camels and an angel and there was even a donkey named Clyde. It was all very "awww".

Moms, Dads, Grandparents, Siblings and random other extended family all thought it was a great show. I have to agree, not to mention knowing this is the last time I have to sing  "must be Santa" this year makes me positively giddy.

Back on point!!!

So normally while I am at preschool I wear Batman t-shirts and assorted other nerd stuff. I pair that with sneakers or flats, sometimes flip flops. Basically I am not a fancy person.

Who can blame me. A smear of snot or a handful of paint are always close at hand. Plus I really love Batman and I like to pretend that the reason I own 5 Batman shirts is because I teach preschool.

Tonight was different though. All the little ones were in their Christmas finest and I needed to step up my game. So I wore heels. This is always cause for comment because of the aforementioned Batman obsession but there was a time when I wore heels more often then not. I can even run in them if necessary although I don't recommend it.

So after I pointed out to all my awesome coworkers* that it wasn't a big deal I crushed a stool and nearly face planted onto the stage.


Yeah you read that right!

While walking onto the stage after the little angels were done to ensue none of them took a header into the audience (no stage diving allowed) I crushed a plastic stool with my heel and caused the audience to gasp.

This is the offending item. According to the Home Depot website it is rated to 325 lbs. LIARS!

I did get a high five from one of the Dads for my recovery so I'm still counting tonight as a win for me.



*Normally it would be safe to assume this was sarcasm but just this once you would be wrong. They really are AWESOME.)

Monday, December 8, 2014

Socks

So I totally have a plan for this post but every single time I type SOCKS I remember this awesome late night TV infomercial about how easy it was to learn Spanish and part of the awesomeness was that if you spell the word socks out loud you are speaking Spanish. Of course I have no idea what it means but.....

Crap. Now I totally have to stop writing this to search the internet for the video.


I'm back and I couldn't find the infomercial but I did find this and now I know what SOCKS means in Spanish. Yeah! We are learning stuff.

I have no idea why she is drinking. Okay I have some idea but I need to get back to my point.

I vaguely remember I said I had one before I went into some crazy rambling tangent about Spanish Infomercials.

Oh Yeah! Socks.

So let's take a journey back to 1998. I was newly out of Boat College and my job was sending me every where, all over the globe.

My next assignment was in Alaska, in October! That's nice and sunny here in the South but up there it is already getting CHILLY! I was given a nice stipend to suit up. So off to the outdoor store I went.

I got a Carhart suit, some long johns, and those heated hand warmer packs. Sure I had gone skiing in Maine in February and SCUBA diving on Cape Cod in December.

I'd been cold but this seemed like it was going to warrant special equipment.

Oh yeah and one more thing. I got two pairs of socks. (look at me getting back to the point, high five!)

Thorlo extreme cold socks.

They were $15 a pair. Never in my entire life had I bought a pair of socks that cost even close to this. Despite the salesman's promise that they were indeed worth the price I was skeptical. That's a lot of money for a pair of socks!

I bought them though because my toes are always cold. ALWAYS.

Fast forward some large number of years later and I am sitting on my couch typing this wearing the socks.

The color has faded a bit but other than that they are as good as new. There are no worn patches. No sagging elastic. No holes. Nothing is wrong with them. They are seriously the best socks EVER. 

Today, here, in the South it is cold and rainy but my toes are nice and toasty.

I love you green socks. May you last another 16 (OMG I'm so old.) years.

Monday, November 24, 2014

Trans Siberian Orchestra

I'm not a huge concert goer.

There aren't many performers that I like that are worth the price.

I hate crowds and rudeness and then you have to find someone that loves the same crap to go with you. It's a whole thing. Usually I just sing along really loudly in the car and that gets me my music fix.

I do like different things though so when someone suggested we go see the Tran Siberian Orchestra I thought it would be fun.

 


We all hear this song at Christmas and it is pretty awesome. Surely a whole concert of rocking orchestral Christmas music will be fun?

Of course that was before I got there.

I guess it shouldn't come as a shock that every group has groupies but I still was then the family wearing matching TSO t shirts and denim jackets walked by.

It was a Christmas show so I figured there would be Christmas music. (Logic always gets me into trouble) I guess that is what they were playing but it was their own music and I had never heard any of it before. Not a single note.

Remember earlier I mentioned that song that we all like? In the THREE hour concert that was the only one I recognized.

What I got instead was back up singers who more closely resembled pole/go go dancers just with more clothes on. Weird hair flipping by guys who were confused about the fact that it wasn't the 80's anymore and a discount Morgan Freeman narrating the worst story ever told in Dr. Seuss like rhymes about a kid finding a box in the attic filled with really random letters.

It was weird. Seriously weird. Like a grandma approved rock concert.

Did you know that double neck guitar still exists? Me neither but here's your proof.
For some reason this guy did this a lot. Lifted up his guitar to show it to the audience. It was like he didn't want us to forget how cool it was or maybe he needed to work his biceps?

I know it was a laser light show but I don't think this guy's ego needed this. Based on the amount of hair flipping and intentional growling.

One more thing. Did I mention the super weird video that played on the big screen that looked like a super bad version of 1980's Dracula complete with girls dancing by candlelight in virginal white dresses? Because there was totally one of those. 

Sure there was more. A lady singer with a guitar that, based on her hand movements, I'm pretty sure could only play one cord. A fantastic retro 1994 screen saver featuring dragons climbing on a castle.

I could go on but this is the Internet and our attentions are short so I'll just end with the fact that I had a good time and because I was out with my fellow Krav Maga classmates I was pretty sure if a full scale riot occurred we were going to full on RULE the world.

RULE THE WORLD!!!