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Saturday, April 16, 2016

I'm fixed?

Remember when I told you all about my FIRST broken bone

Well it's 'fixed' now. Or it's improved like bionic style.

This is the surgery, not mine but the same thing.


That isn't what this is about though.

Even if you've never had surgery I'm sure you still know about the no food or drink after midnight. It's the same rule as Gremlins. And since you are a huge fan of this blog you also know that I get HANGRY. Well if you mix that in with my lack of coffee it was a rough morning.

At some point while I was hanging out in my beautiful hospital gown some one walked by with the above mentioned drink of the gods. Broken wrist or not I was pretty sure I could take them.

This was when the anesthesiologist asked me about how much coffee I drink. I admit I got a little cagey because I was worried that they would cancel my surgery. I mean the nurse told me I wasn't even allowed to chew gum, crazy town!

She wasn't trying to trap me in a lie though. She was making sure I didn't have a caffeine headache from the lack of coffee.  I am one of those weirdos that LOVES coffee but can go days without drinking it and still not have a problem.

However if I did have a headache she was prepared to give me caffeine in my IV.

Yes, you read that right.  A COFFEE IV!!!!!!!

I have a bionic wrist and coffee IV is a real thing. Basically the world is full of rainbows and unicorns. Although this could be the drugs talking?


Sunday, April 10, 2016

I'm broken

Remember last week when I told you all about some lunatic that ran 100 miles?

Of course you do.

That is the sort of thing that sticks with you, perhaps even haunts you.

Well today I ran the Spartan. Again. You might remember I did this 3 years ago.

I was ready for today. I'm in better shape, stronger and faster.

I'm also OLDER. 

shakes an angry fist at father time. MEN!


About two thirds of the way through I scaled a ten foot wall and on the way down I tumbled and.......Well I'll just let this picture explain.



Yup. that is a broken wrist.

So whatever, that happens. People do stupid things and get hurt all the time.

OTHER PEOPLE!! Not me. I'm invincible. 

OK maybe not invincible but while I was getting x rayed I had some time to think. I've never had an x ray. At least not one in all the years I've been old enough to remember.

That's crazy.  

NEVER had an x ray? That's just a shame because look how pretty my bones are.

SELFISH. Very selfish.  So you're welcome. I did this for you.

Monday, April 4, 2016

100 miles

This isn't a post about that Proclaimers song.

Not sure what is more upsetting. 1) that by typing that, the song is now stuck in my head or 2) that I knew the Proclaimers sang it without having to look it up? It's a toss up really.

Whatever.

Have you ever run?

Not from something or because you were late but for FUN? Weird right?

Apparently people do it all the time. 5ks, half marathons, full marathons. There is actually a race that is 100 miles long.

Yes you read that right. A nice jog that can take you 24 hours to complete. Doesn't that sound like FUN? Seriously FUN right?

Obviously I'm not going to be doing that.

This weekend though someone I know did.

I'll give you a second to wrap your brain around that. 24 hours of running.

So I signed up to get text notifications of their progress. Cool right? I thought so too but because that would be a lame blog post I've decided to juxtapose my day to their progress.



By the time I was brushing my teeth they had already run 12 and a half miles and while brushing my teeth was hard, It's possible they were working harder. Possible.


Almost 1000 am and I've already taught a bunch of small children how to be ninjas and don't forget where I brushed my teeth. Ate some breakfast and drank some coffee too.

Now it's my turn to exercise. Sure they have already run 25 miles but I'm going to run in a tiny circle for like ten whole minutes.


I needed a break after all that running so I took the kids to Dunkin Donuts. Remember I ran for ten minutes. Plus there was the ninja training and the teeth brushing. It's been a long day.

Pretty sure they have run farther than all the driving I've done so far today. Whatever. I ran for ten minutes.

Okay time for some pinterest level crafting. I took apart this dresser and refinished it.

Still running?  Yup Still running.

Pretty sure I'm being more productive.

Next project is a flower box. I carried those 4x6 pieces of arsenic treated wood with my bare hands after I cut them. Yeah. There was shoveling too and some other stuff but I don't remember.


50 miles? that's not possible right? Surely the little GPS tracker has been attached to a migrating deer or a CAR!!


Paint's dry. Luckily I had time for a quick trip to Lowes to get some shiny new hardware. Better get these attached so that I can get dinner started.


Children have been fed and are upstairs quietly. Time to chill. Morris Chesnut is uber charming on this show.

Does that say 62 miles? That's almost 3 back to back marathons.

It's at this point that I start texting a mutual friend about the insanity that is the fact that this person has been running since 6 am!!!!

Did you know I have a movie room? Yeah Triple S built it for me and obviously it is the only place to watch Transporter 3 with my children. It was hard staying awake but I made it.

Bed Time. I'm super tired. I've had a busy day.


So I shut off my text alerts because sleep is precious to me. Plus I was really tired thanks to my super busy day. It felt like I had run a metaphorical marathon and while that isn't as impressive as literally running 4 marathons it's still impressive.

When I woke up I saw that I had missed a few texts. I did have a great dream about marshmallow shoes though so.....

Basically our days were pretty equal as far as energy expenditures.



Seriously though 100 miles. 100 miles. I cannot even fathom this. Not even in the zombie apocalypse. Not even if after I finished RDJ was waiting for me to take me to my trailer for my starring role in Avengers:Infinity Wars. There is no scenario I can come up with that makes this a good idea.

To everyone who ran and actually finished you people are freaking superheroes.

Friday, March 25, 2016

I can't....

Sure we are never supposed to say we can't do something. That is the thing we repeat over and over again to each little special snowflake, but the reality is there are somethings we can't do.

Okay maybe shouldn't is a better word.

Yeah, lets go with shouldn't.

YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.

Why are we talking about this you might be thinking? A perfectly reasonable thing to think since as of right now I've given you no context or background and maybe you're starting to think I've finally snapped and sure that is possible but not likely right now.

Right now I'm talking about this because I got a massage today.

A very special treat I only indulge in about once a year.

As usually it was awesome but it got me thinking.

Masseur is NOT the job for me.

Not because I don't want to touch other people. Nope. Although I can admit that isn't that appealing. Instead it's because my hands are ALWAYS cold. Right now as I type this I am sitting on the couch in shorts and a t shirt. The window is open and there is a cool breeze. I am very comfortable. No need to pull the blanket off the back of the couch and get snuggly. I'm GTG (good to go).

BUT I can guarantee, despite all of that, my hands are like ice.

Normally this doesn't effect my day. Although I'm pretty sure Triple S would disagree as he is usually employed as my de facto hand warmer.

But that is because my job isn't to sooth people's tired muscles. No one wants COLD hands on them. It just wouldn't work.

So sure I guess I COULD be a masseur but I sure wouldn't be a good one.

Sunday, March 6, 2016

40!!!!!!!!!!!

So I've skirted around the age thing here a bit. Not so much because I care but because I'm SUPPOSED to care.

It's one of those things women are not allowed to talk about.

The other is of course weight.

My kids have been obsessed with age for a long as I can remember. They know better than I do how old Triple S will turn this year and they sure as hell know how old I'm going to be.

SPOILER ALERT it's 40.

In case you didn't figure that out yet.

I'm a bicentennial baby. That's a thing you know. Before there were state quarters there were bicentennial quarters. 1976 In case you didn't want to do the math. The year the country turned 200. Luckily I'm not that old. Or unlucky? Not sure If I'd want to live that long.


Whatever. Back on topic.

40 is the new 30 or 20? I'm not sure. I'm also not sure why I'm supposed to freak out.  Sure there are more lines on my face than there were last year and me and hair color aren't just friends anymore. It's more of a codependent relationship. But .....

Wait where was I going with this?

Oh yeah. Who cares.

I have a great life. A husband who supports my craziness. Kids who have never had to be "scared straight" and not one but two jobs I love. Not to mention some of the greatest friends a grown woman could ask for.

That sounds a bit like I'm protesting too much plus there was a distinct lack of sarcasm. Maybe my age is maturing me?

Probably not though since I'm typing this in a Wolverine T-shirt.

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Activity Specific Music

So cool news. I teach martial arts AGAIN. New twist. I actually get paid this time.  Crazy right? As if the preschool foolishness wasn't enough. Nope. Now it's play dough mornings and arm bar nights.

BEST LIFE EVER.

Okay done with that!

So along with this cool new thing I've been making playlists like its my job.

OH WAIT, IT IS!!! (so cool)

So obviously when you are trying to push yourself to work harder you need good music.

No ENYA.

That just isn't going to cut it.

One of my favorite motivational go to songs is THUNDERSTRUCK.


It makes you want to push harder. It makes me think I can run a little further, hit a little harder, jump a little higher. Basically be Superwoman.

It's also in a playlist that I like to listen to with the windows down while I drive fast.

That's it though.

When else would anyone listen to AC/DC?

Folding laundry?

Yoga?

Mowing the lawn?

Singing?

SIDE NOTE: These are all things I have playlists for. Seriously. I'm obsessed with music. 

So I guess my question is are there any other songs that are very activity specific? Song that only work for one thing?



Wednesday, February 3, 2016

bumper stickers

The other day I was having a conversation about road rage. A friend was telling me about an article he read that concluded if you had bumper stickers you were more likely to have road rage.  The reason was that by putting stickers on your car it became an extension of yourself, therefore any incident involving the car was a personal affront.

Made logical sense.

SIDE NOTE: Because today I am not being lazy here is the article.

For the record I do have a sticker on my car but I've never had road rage. I've had road frustration or road annoyance but never rage.

this is my sticker. BROWNCOAT!!


I'll pause for you to try and fit that into your world view. I know it's weird. Like finding out the pope likes hunting. Some how it doesn't seem right.


I agree about the sticker making your car more personal. It isn't as permanent as a tattoo but it certainly isn't easy to get off. That is why political bumper stickers confuse me.

Beyond that though is the people who put them on crooked.

You love this candidate SO MUCH you are going to drive around town announcing it to everyone else on the road but you can't be bothered to make sure the dam sticker is straight?

I find this unsettling.

So here is your PSA:

I don't care who you vote for or whether or not you want everyone to coexist (in a religious or sci fi way) or maybe you want to let everyone know Timmy loves soccer. Whatever.

Please, for the love of god, just take 2 extra seconds to make sure you are putting the sticker on straight.

This message has been approved by the committee to stop stupid. Our work is never over so we can never rest.