Thursday, April 30, 2020

44

In a week I turn 44. I'll be spending my birthday in my house because my options during the time of COVID are limited.

Not that I would normally party till the break of dawn. Not really my speed. No doubt I would have gone out dinner with my family and some friends and ate WAY TOO MUCH.

I can still do that at my house though.

44 isn't a special age by any reasonable gauge.

It's not a milestone like 21 or even 40.

For most people birthday 44 will pass like any other day, but for me, it's a little bit different.

44 is the age my mother died.

44 is the last birthday she celebrated.

When I was younger 44 didn't seem old but it didn't seem as young as it does right now.

When my mother died I had so many questions that I wanted answered. So many things about the way she lived her life that I wanted her to explain. Choices I wanted her to justify.

But I was so young. Everything about her life was foreign to me. I didn't know what it felt like to be a mother. A wife. To have people rely on you.

I always hoped that as I aged and got some life experiences her choices would make more sense. I would be able to see why she was who she was.

Now, sitting on this side of the fence, I still don't understand her. Her choices still confuse me and frustrate me and despite my best effort still make me very angry sometimes. Most of all though this birthday makes me sad.

Sad that this is as far as she got. Not because fate is cruel or because sometimes bad stuff just happens but because she made bad choices. Because she let her demons win.

So while I am sad about the things she missed I am grateful her choices taught me life lessons that a lot of people have to learn themselves the hard way.

Grateful that her choices made me who I am today.

So I'm going to try and live my life to the fullest this year but I might get maudlin sometimes. I might express my undying love for you or confess all kinds of things because life is short. So short and I'm not going to waste it.




Tuesday, April 14, 2020

Selfies

I take a fair amount of photos of myself.


Not quite 16 year old girl numbers but it is a lot.

That wasn't always the case. 

I hated selfies. I thought they were narcissistic and dumb. People holding the phone up and taking pictures of themselves? Why?  Why not take pictures of the things around you? 

Don't you want pictures of experiences and not yourself?

But here is the thing. When I look at old pictures I don't care about the pretty house or the crazy car. That odd museum or the colorful sunset.

When I look at old pictures all I care about are the people in them.  So in addition to taking selfies, I try and take as many pictures as I can of the people I love. 

SHHHHHHHH

Full disclosure I take pictures of my food too. I mean that is what the internet was invented for. Despite everyone trying to make it a place where you can post your political opinion and try and convince the world that birds are all robots spying on you (a real conspiracy theory).

I try and keep my pictures light and funny and maybe just a little inspirational. But also there are going to be lots of photos of me so my friends can see my face because if they like seeing it half as much as I like seeing theirs it's totally worth it. 


So today, on day 3752 of sheltering in place I encourage you to post a selfie too. I miss your faces. 
Instead of silly math games or a list of the places you lived please post YOU. That's what I miss. I know I can't be the only one.


I take a fair amount of photos of myself.

Not quite 16 year old girl numbers but it is a lot.

That wasn't always the case. 

I hated selfies. I thought they were narcissistic and dumb. People holding the phone up and taking pictures of themselves? Why?  Why not take pictures of the things around you? 

Don't you want pictures of experiences and not yourself?

But here is the thing. When I look at old pictures I don't care about the pretty house or the crazy car. That odd museum or the colorful sunset.

When I look at old pictures all I care about are the people in them.  So in addition to taking selfies, I try and take as many pictures as I can of the people I love. 

SHHHHHHHH

Full disclosure I take pictures of my food too. I mean that is what the internet was invented for. Despite everyone trying to make it a place where you can post your political opinion and try and convince the world that birds are all robots spying on you (a real conspiracy theory).

I try and keep my pictures light and funny and maybe just a little inspirational. But also there are going to be lots of photos of me so my friends can see my face because if they like seeing it half as much as I like seeing theirs it's totally worth it. 


So today, on day 3752 of sheltering in place I encourage you to post a selfie too. I miss your faces. 
Instead of silly math games or a list of the places you lived please post YOU. That's what I miss. I know I can't be the only one.















Tuesday, March 31, 2020

30 Days of Social Distancing

Most the country is locked down.

Although that is a relative term since you are still able to go out to "essential businesses".

An odd group of stores that only seems to leave out small, local businesses. 

I'm not in charge though and I don't have a degree in medicine or virology or anything that might allow me to help make sense of this.

What I do have is some suggestions to keep you from going insane.

But before I offer them I wanted to talk about me. This is my blog after all so most of the stuff on here is about me.

I post a lot of dumb stuff on my social media. Stuff about my kids, my dog, about how much I love coffee. About all the bruises I get doing all the insane things I do.  None of this is because I think I'm better than anyone or because I want to show you how cool I am.

This is ridiculous. The only difference between me and most people is that one day I got off the couch and decided to try.


That faceless blob behind that adorable kid is me. I am close to 300 pounds in this picture and still pretending that it's because I have big bones. Now I'm not going to start fat-shaming anyone but I am unhealthy is this picture. No doubt I was out of breath chasing after that cute little Dash look alike.

I would stay that way for a few more years before I would finally run out of excuses.

I'm telling you this because you have 30 days.

Imagine what you can change in 30 days? So if some stupid picture I post inspires you I'm glad. That is the whole point. If I can do it you can too.




So use your 30 days wisely. They are going to pass regardless. Will you come out the other side a better you? You just have to get off the couch.

Friday, February 7, 2020

But You Didn't

Do you have talented friends that spend hours working on their craft?

Maybe an artist or a musician. Maybe a photographer or an instructor.

If when they tell you about their talent you respond with "I could probably do that." you need to stop.

Maybe you could have done what they did. Maybe if you devoted the time and energy they did you could be just as good as them but.......


BUT YOU DIDN'T



And when you imply that you could have it's insulting to the time and energy that person has taken to be good at their chosen talent.

So STOP.

Life isnt a competition.

Figure put your passion and start devoting your time to that instead of taking away from others.

Saturday, January 18, 2020

My Kids

When I say I would do anything for my kids.

When I say I will cheer for my kids.

When I say I support my kids no matter what.

When I say I would murder for my kids.

When I say no one will hurt my kids.

I'm not just talking about the ones that call me mom.

If you bring your child to me. If you trust your child to my care. If your kid hugs me when they see me.

These are my kids and I pity the person that ever tries to hurt them.

Mostly because if they are my kids they are going to stand up and do something about it but also because when they are done with you......

Well, we really don't need to go into that do we?

No.

I don't think we do.


Saturday, September 21, 2019

My last workout



So I just realized I had my last workout at the gym I have been going to for the last 8 years.

That's kind of sad.        Actually, It's really sad.

You probably know if you read this blog that when the family moved here to North Carolina 9 years ago I was UNHEALTHY. I was working a regular 9-5 job and I was going out to lunch a lot and eating quick food because time was at a premium. I had 2 small kids and a husband that traveled. These aren't excuses. Looking back now I know I just didn't make my health a priority.

Certainly, busy people make time to get to the gym. I wasn't special. Just lazy.

So I got big.

For a while I ignored it. Used my usual excuses "big boned" and the like.

All that changed when we moved though because suddenly I was a stay at home mom with one kid in full-time school and another in preschool.

I had LOTS of free time.

It's hard to say you don't have time to get to the gym when all you have is time.

Or maybe I just hated laundry so much I was willing to start working out again just to not have to fold one more load?

Either way, I joined the gym and started with 20 minutes on the treadmill.

Seriously. I was walking for 20 minutes and I would leave sweaty and gross and I HATED IT. I hated every step because it was hard and it made me angry at myself for getting so damn out of shape.

You see it doesn't happen overnight. It's a thousand bad choices made over and over again.

The crazy part is that is the same way you fix it.

A thousand good choices made over and over again.

My first was the gym. Over and over again, day after day I went from 20 minutes on the treadmill to cardio classes to the weights.

I got faster and stronger and HEALTHIER.

There was the other side too where I stopped sneaking ice cream when the dog would wake me up at 3 am. Yes, a thing I did most nights. Or cookies. Or some other junk.

I starting doing all the things we all know we are supposed to do but don't want to because it's easier to make excuses.

Time passed.

Progress happened, as it does when you put your head down and grind.

Thursday morning I walked into my usually 930 class and for whatever reason, I was the only one.

Just me and the weights and so much sweat.

I was having a hard time with a plate pinch carry. Basically, I was holding two ten-pound weights in each hand pinched between my thumb and four fingers. I was supposed to walk 50 m with them then move on to the next step.

My hands kept slipping. I was getting frustrated. That's when coach said he liked it when I came in first to "test" the workout.

Because I was having a hard time the workout was changed.

I'm the gold standard.


Okay, that's a little ridiculous but remember just a few sentences ago I told you 20 minutes on the treadmill was horrible. Now workouts are being altered base on MY ability to do them.

Sadly though my progress is not what the blog is about.

Remember, I'm leaving my gym.

They have instituted a "no bag" policy like stadiums and concert halls.  While I understand the world we live requires businesses to make changes that they think will keep their customers safe I don't agree this is the way to go. At least not for this business.

What matters is that I can't tell you all about how you should be a sheepdog and how important training is then be in a facility that has ensured that I don't have anything to keep myself safe.

So it's new gym time.

Got to walk the walk. Not just talk the talk.

Lead by example.

At least that is the kind of person I would like to be. Those are certainly the people I look up to.

So I tried out a new gym this morning.

Although "new" Isn't really accurate. I tried it out about a year ago but I wasn't ready to leave the nest. Wasn't ready to start something new, despite the fact that it's like this gym was made for me.

There are punching bags and training guns and heavy weights.




Yes, you read that right.

Did I mention the signs on the walls say things like "hope is not a plan"?

Oh and last but not least membership at this gym gets me access to a private outdoor range where I can practice moving and shooting.

I know. I'm confused as to why I took so long when I knew this was an option.

2 things.

Number 1 is that I LOVE MY PEOPLE. They make the worst workouts better just by their mutual suffering.

Number 2 is that there are no classes. Everything is self-motivated and I seriously questioned whether, when it was up to me, I would actually work hard.

I realize that is insane.

I'm not going to start skipping the gym because I'm going by myself.

Did I forget who I am?

I should know I'm awesome.

So GOODBYE old gym.

GOODBYE awesome workout buddies.

GOODBYE the comfort of things that are KNOWN.









Friday, August 16, 2019

Functional Training

Right now some of you are yelling that you are not going to drink the Koolaid.

I get it. Seriously, I was you. I was actually tricked into joining. Bamboozled even!

For everyone else who is confused by my ranting here is what I'm talking about.

Functional Training is a tern for Crossfit.

But hold on one minute before you totally ignore me or start ranting about how you don't want to be the best at exercising.

There is a reason Crossfit is called Functional Training.

I'm talking to you moms!

You know that battle to only make one trip with the groceries?

Functional Fitness

You know how your toddler wants to ride on your back for an hour?

Functional Fitness

You know that balancing act you perform while you read one more bedtime story on the edge of the bed packed with a small child and every stuffed animal ever made?

Functional Fitness

You know when you run along the sidelines of your kid's soccer game trying to get the perfect "action shot"?

Functional Fitness

You know when you bend down to tie your little one's shoe for the 100th time?

Functional Fitness

Basically what I'm saying is that Crossfit is for you.

So this is my plea to you ladies to join me at the YMCA and try out a class.

Is it hard? YES

Is it worth it? YES

Will you be able to "keep up"? YES



44

In a week I turn 44. I'll be spending my birthday in my house because my options during the time of COVID are limited. Not that I woul...