Murph and the Warrior Dash.

I spent my Memorial Day torturing myself in memory of a true American Hero.


Cross fit has workouts named after heroes. Real heroes. The kind that wear uniforms and are willing to sacrifice their lives. One of the most famous is the one named after Micheal P Murphy. A Medal of Honor winner. There is a book and a movie about his last battle.

The purpose is to build stamina or see if you can die while exercising. It's hard to tell.

1 mile run
100 Pull Ups
200 Push Ups
300 Air Squats
1 mile run

If you are going to be hardcore you are supposed to do all of that in order with a 20 pound vest on. Because just the exercise isn't enough you need to do it while carrying the equivalent of a toddler.

In case there is a part of you that thought I did 100 pull ups first I want to say I love you and thank you. No such luck! I used a lovely rubber band. I also did it without any extra weight.

The whole damn thing took me 63:01

You are supposed to finish in an hour but forget that! Rules are for other people.

It's been three days and I'm weirdly sore. Like my hands and forearms hurt but the rest of me is fine. Thats good news because this weekend I'm going to be doing the Warrior Dash again. Apparently I haven't learned my lesson with these obstacle races yet. Fingers crossed I remain unbroken.

I'll be doing it with all my Krav Friends though so if a fight breaks out our team is SAFE!

I'm broken

Remember last week when I told you all about some lunatic that ran 100 miles?

Of course you do.

That is the sort of thing that sticks with you, perhaps even haunts you.

Well today I ran the Spartan. Again. You might remember I did this 3 years ago.

I was ready for today. I'm in better shape, stronger and faster.

I'm also OLDER. 

shakes an angry fist at father time. MEN!

About two thirds of the way through I scaled a ten foot wall and on the way down I tumbled and.......Well I'll just let this picture explain.

Yup. that is a broken wrist.

So whatever, that happens. People do stupid things and get hurt all the time.

OTHER PEOPLE!! Not me. I'm invincible. 

OK maybe not invincible but while I was getting x rayed I had some time to think. I've never had an x ray. At least not one in all the years I've been old enough to remember.

That's crazy.  

NEVER had an x ray? That's just a shame because look how pretty my bones are.

SELFISH. Very selfish.  So you're welcome. I did this for you.

Girl's Weekend

It was a lot more Lord of the Flies than Sisterhood of The Traveling Pants.

So basically, perfect.

So far the awesome ladies from the gym have talked me into some entertaining stuff.

There was the Zumbathon.

 

The Spartan Race.

The Warrior Dash.

Basically all things that could have killed me. Or at the very least made me extremely tired.  So when the idea of a girls weekend came up I jumped. Who doesn't want to spend the weekend with a bunch of awesome ladies eating and enjoying the view?

I imagined relaxing and movies and maybe a nice walk in the woods. Cake. I was sure there was going to be cake involved somehow.

What I got was 2 spit takes.  How is it possible that these ladies are still shocked by anything I say?

A collaborative dinner. We turned cooking into a team sport like on Iron Chef.

And a 6 mile hike up a GOD DAMN MOUNTAIN!!

Seriously it was straight up. Stone steps placed into the side of the mountain! Plus I was carrying a backpack with water bottles and cell phones and a gun. Apparently there was a chance of running into a bear. This was only going to be possible if that bear was deaf or had been hand raised by humans and was looking for his adopted mother.

Still a chance. Plus it helped lend some credibility to my frequent yelling of:

"I'm loaded for bear."

There was also some other colorful language as it became clear my gentle walk through the woods wasn't going to be quite as gentle as I imagined.

All was forgiven though because there was cake, and steak, and chocolate covered strawberries, and bubbly water, and lots and lots of laughs.

Oh and I got to rewire the DVD player because that's just how I roll.

The ladies are talking about going away to the beach next summer. In my head I'm imaging chilling on the sand with a good book and a cold drink. I think the reality is more closely going to resemble swimming the English channel.

Warriors Unite!

So remember back when I did the Spartan Race?

Apparently this is my new thing. I go to the gym. I drink protein shakes and I run obstacle races.

Weird. Really weird, but that's nothing new.

So this past weekend was another race.  The Warrior Dash.

Please note the AWESOME t shirts Triple S made for us.

 So early Saturday morning my ladies and I (plus one 'little' brother) got in the pedophile van* and headed to the race. There was singing and laughing and ridiculous antics. We played the radio loud and giggled like school girls. Not a one of us under 35, all of us mothers, all of us normal, responsible adults.

But underneath all those years is still that ridiculous girl that danced silly and sang loudly with her friends.

You give us some matching shirts and a chance to get dirty and we might as well be 15 again.

Plus the Warrior Dash is like the Spartan lite. All of the fun with none of the bruises.

Hell we didn't even get dirty until the last 15 yards.

There was fire

I'm the one that looks the most graceful. (2nd from the right)

and ropes.

That's my pink butt half way down the rope.

 So we ran together. We cheered for each other. We walked a bit. We climbed, balanced and crawled over cars together. Basically the ultimate girls day.

Then we got dirty. That's me in the upper right hand corner trying to pull some poor lady out of the mud. In the middle it was so thick people were getting stuck. (My inner nerd kept repeating the phrase Super Saturated. Because that is what nerds think about when other people get stuck in quicksand like mud.)

Then we got VIKING HATS! seriously. We all got one of these, plus a t shirt and a medal. I'm beginning to see why people sign up for these. FREE STUFF!

Plus after we got dirty there was a guy with a fire hose that cleaned us off like we were in a political riot.

It was a lot like this but with smiles.

So the next race is the Hero's Rush and then The Dirty Girl.

It's a sickness. Just do one they say. It's fun they say.

I might need an intervention. I'll let you know in October.

** sorry but it isn't really a pedophile van. It's just a giant blue van but it looks like it might have been on 'to catch a predator'.

Google ME

Have you ever googled yourself?

For the most part unless you are a celebrity this is a pointless endevor.

My name brings you a really boring list of my online accounts. Facebook, twitter, linked in (why do I still have that?)

There's some chick on youtube that posts fitness videos. Despite my recent insanity that is not me.

Another one in New Haven, Connecticut working in a radio station, also not me.

If you switch it up, using my nickname or maiden name you get a lot more of the same.

There is an article about Triple S and I doing college fairs A LONG LONG time ago.
Who knew the internet could remember that far back?  (Check pg 21)

For the low low price of 39.95 you can even check my criminal record. (I'll save you the money. I don't have one. Although you might want to splurge because it is my understanding that criminals aren't always honest.)

This is totally not me. Unless it is in the evil time line? Pretty sure I haven't killed anyone in this timeline yet. It's all very wibbley wobbley, timey wimey.




I totally just got sidetracked for like 20 minutes. If I was famous I would google myself into full on Howard Hughes crazy.

The point of this was people searching for this blog.

Sure most people just search for my name but every once in a while it gets interesting.

Someone searched "Veronica Douglas Nascar Driver"

How awesome would that be? 

I might add that to my experience on my linked in page. Maybe I'll get an offer? Sounds reasonable to me.

I'm alive! AROOOOOOO!

So I'm not dead and that's a good thing. I do however look like I was taken hostage. 

This is the start of the race. I'm the one in the pink in case you were wondering.

It wasn't raining. It wasn't too cold and I hadn't seen a single lady ab in sight. All and all a good start to the race. I was feeling reasonably confidant. After all I did show up and wasn't that half the battle? (it's possible I'm confusing GI Joe with my 'motivations' calender)

My first glimpse of "hell"

This was of course all before we hit the first obstacle. I'm not going to describe them all. No one needs a lame play by play. Plus it wasn't like I could take pictures of them. But.....


I lost my shoe!

Then I found my shoe so it was all good.

Then I got wet, that was okay.

Then I got really dirty.

Then there was barbed wire.

Then there was MUD.

We aren't talking pretty brown mud that you put in your garden. No Sir! This is Carolina red clay and it is slippery and heavy and it stains everything!

This is the "hose off" station. Yes a "hose off" station.

So I ran, climbed, carried, pulled, crawled, walked and did some burpies. When they day was done I had missed only 3 out of 17 obstacles and traveled 4+ miles.

It was hard!

But I didn't quit, hell I didn't even stop smiling. So I guess I am a bit of a sadomasochist because it was fun. 

And hell yeah I jumped the fire! AROOOOOO!!

(Spartan Battle Cry, or at least the Spartan Race Battle Cry)

fun fact: I weighed the bag of clothes I took off after the race. They were wet and covered in mud.

13 pounds! I was carrying around an extra 13 pounds.

Maybe I should have gone to the hose off station?


UPDATE:

If you want to see e crawling through the mud.....

If you are reading this I might already be dead.

The Spartan Race is tomorrow and I'm scared.

People keep telling me I'll do fine but I'm pretty sure they are lying. Their eyes keep darting to the left when they talk. I watch crime procedurals. That's a tell along with something called a micro-expression.

I also know bleach can't get rid of blood stains but I haven't tested that out.

Not the actual river but it could be.

New information of the "race" is that the first obstacle is a river which is swollen thanks to all the rain we've gotten in the last few weeks.

Did you know the average temp for March in NC is actually 57?

Not the 35 that is predicted!

There is a fire at the finish line. I figure by then I might be more inclined to hang out and warm up then to jump over it.



The only good part about the weather is I figure it might level the playing field a tiny bit. I am from up North. Once I went scuba diving in DECEMBER on CAPE COD! Certainly not one of my most brilliant ideas but I did it. Not to mention I owned a snow blower because I lived in a place that got enough snow to need one. So I'm cool with the cold. (pun intended)

Or these are all lies I keep telling myself so that I won't break down and cry.

The other good thing about the cold (still trying to convince myself it is a good thing that it wont be 60 and sunny) is the lack of exposed skin. Confused?

I don't want to be stuck running behind Lady Abs!  I seriously doubt these women are human. Certainly they have never polished off an entire sleeve of girl scout cookies.


They say I will "know when I'm at the finish". I'm not sure if that's true. You know one of the side effects of hypothermia is hallucinations so there's a good chance I might think I'm on the bridge of the Star Ship Enterprise.

So if you are reading this on Saturday, know that I lived a good life and that I'm going to a better place. (Probably another lie but it's getting harder to tell)

2 things are happening RIGHT NOW.

The princess graduated preschool today. Although they don't call it graduation. They call it Bridging. Something about bridging the gap between Preschool and Kindergarten. I was only half paying attention as Colin kept raising his hand as if we were at the question and answer part of the event

(He also raised his hand when they said they were going to read Dr. Seuss. He wanted to volunteer his oratory services.)

It was  adorable. Natalie sang songs and danced her little heart out.



Natalie and her future husband Weston.



Triple S wasn't home. Long story short but basically Captain Steve is a self serving jerk. (this is one of the reasons he should have his own blog. All tugboats, all the time.)

I videotaped it of course. Like a good parent so that I will be able to torture her one day with her adorableness. When she is old enough to think she is too cool for me I will pull it out and remember when she didn't mind holding my hand.

Oops. Got mushy there for a moment.

Back on topic.

The theme was Beach Party.

Wait, just a bit more mushiness. It was really nice seeing all the kids up there. I'm glad that many of them will be with Natalie at her school next year.

Seriously what is up with my hair? Root touch up time I guess.
And yes my children look nothing like me.

Okay on to my second topic. The part where I confess my insanity.




Yes that is barbed wire but I suppose I shouldn't complain. It could be razor wire.

 I signed up for the Spartan Race. And yeah it is exactly as scary as you think it is. See this is what happens when you start working out again. Crazy people at the gym convince you that this is a good idea. They sweet talk you with promises of matching outfits and mud.

These crazy ladies are jumping over FIRE!!!! Real FIRE!!!
PS I will not be wearing a half shirt. Matching or not.

So here starts my journey to insanity! I have about 10 months.

Two days before my 13th anniversary to Triple S I am going to be wearing some matching outfit with some awesome ladies and trying my best not to die.



Just found this. I can do anything if I get to fight someone!

I think I am going to put a slide show of Gerald Butler on my phone and stare at it while I try and get ready for this.

I know they used makeup to make those 6 packs but who cares?

So if you are at the gym with me and I start yelling about "Madness? This is Sparta." Now you know why.