Monday, July 30, 2018

I might be dead.

How long would I be dead before someone noticed?

Late last night I heard one of my kids call "Mom!".

So I yelled back "What?"  and waited.

And waited. 

And waited.

When nothing else happened I got out of bed. 


Did I forget to mention I was all snuggled in my bed getting closer and closer to dreamland? Because that is where I was after I told my children of my intentions to enter dreamland. Not that they ever pay attention to me but I sometimes like to scream into the void just to hear the sound of my own voice. 

So out of bed I go. 
Up the stairs. 
Into the lair that belongs to my teenage child. 
The door is, of course, locked despite my requests to not do that. 

So I bang on the door and the teenage zombie leaves his game for a moment to answer it.

Son- "What?"

Me- "You called me."

Son- "Oh yeah I thought I heard a gunshot."

Me- "And you didn't think to check on me? Save your sister? Escape to safety? Am I currently bleeding out while some thief robs us?"

Son-"You answered me."

Oh, that's right. I said 'what'. All the confirmation my kid needed after hearing what he thought was a GUNSHOT.

I heard no such thing. Again I was trying to enter dreamland but still his response to my attempted murder is not very comforting. 

So the question is how long would I be dead before someone noticed?

Friday, March 30, 2018


I see a lot of posts about how people find motivation. Questions about how to start a new fitness routine or a healthier diet.

Most of the posts talk about how motivation is crap.

I agree. Sure you wake up on day one all jazzed and motivated to start a new path. You're ready. You lay everything out the night before. You have a plan.

Day two is probably more of the same. You're going to crush the day.

Maybe that lasts a week. Maybe two. But there will come a day when the alarms goes off and you think "one day of resting is fine.".

You can't count on being motivated all the time. You need discipline.

At least that is what people much smarter than me say.

I'm not going to tell you how to get motivated because I have no idea.

I only know what I do and it mostly involves name calling. By which I mean I call myself names when I think about skipping my workout.  Not nice names. Names not fit for polite company.

So this post isn't about that either.

This post is about how your mindset changes over time. Sometimes without you even knowing it.

Today's workout was rough. Like "dear god why?" rough.

20 minute AMRAP (as many rounds as possible)

7 power cleans #85
7 burpees
200 m run 

Does that sound horrible?

It should. You should see that and think "does no one love me?"

That is for sure what I thought.

I hate this kind of workout. The 20 minutes is a long time to work hard. Not to mention there was running and burpees. Two things I hate the most. Seriously I hate them. So So Very Much!!!

Here's where the mindset part comes in though.

I used to hate these workout because I was convinced I couldn't finish. Worse was the running commentary that would go through my head. Is now the time to quit? What about now? Surely the next round would be enough? everything hurts and I want to cry I can stop now right?

More often than not I would struggle till the end but it would be a constant battle in my head convincing myself I could go just one more minute.

Today though, I realized I hate this workout for a whole new reason.

I no longer think I can't finish it. I know I can finish it. I know I can make it to the end without quitting. I hate it now because I know it's going to suck every step of the way. 20 full minutes of misery. No break. No rest. Just 20 horrible minutes.

Realizing stuff like this makes me happy.

Sure motivation is crap and discipline is the key to any change but there are so many little milestones that mark your journey you just have to be aware enough to recognize them.

Tuesday, February 27, 2018

Sick AF

Last Wednesday night I was folding laundry in preparation for Triple S's return home. Because I certainly don't wait until the last minute to make it look like I keep a perfect house the whole time he is gone because obviously, that is ridiculous.

So as I was standing there folding my husband's 300 t-shirts when I suddenly started feeling like the floor of a taxi cab. Normally I push through. It's kind of my thing.

It's my one defining trait.

I'm tough.

I suck it up.

I have so many foolish stories about how I pushed through.

Did you know I didn't miss a single day of work when I had a metal plate put in my wrist?

Did you know I waxed my floor while I was unknowingly bleeding internally?

I have a hundred of these stories. All part of the "legend" that is me.

I can be stubborn and foolishly pig-headed when it comes to resting or taking it easy.

Of course, quitting the laundry doesn't count so I went to bed. Assuming that when I woke up the next day I would be feeling better.

That didn't happen of course. As I struggled with getting the kids ready I started to suspect I might have a small problem. It only got worse at airport pick up when I actually got out of the car and let Scott drive home. It was then that I promptly climbed back into bed.

That was five days ago.

I missed deadlift day, my BJJ belt promotion, a girls night out, a FREAKING competition, dinner with my awesome Lyft friends, boxing training, both my jobs, open workout 18.1 ARG. I'm getting annoyed typing this list.

With every missed event I argued in my head till the last minute that I could still make it. That I was just being a baby, that if I could just get moving I would be fine.

That didn't happen.

Nothing happened but a lot of sleeping and mass consumption of cold medicine.

So go screw FLU! How dare you show me that I'm human?

Sorry in advance to everyone who is going to have to put up with me in the coming weeks as I try and prove my invincibility to myself again. I feel a lot of bad decisions coming up.

Who's along for the ride?

I might be dead.

How long would I be dead before someone noticed? Late last night I heard one of my kids call "Mom!". So I yelled back "...