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Showing posts from 2014

The First Gift of Christmas

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So I had a Christmas party with my best ladies the other day (husbands too although not Triple S as he is stuck on the boat.). Last year we did an ornament exchange and that went great but this year we did a Secret Santa instead.

At a girls weekend away we picked names and set a limit. Then we started the shopping.

I'm not going to go into details because who cares? This blog is about me me me.

So lets talk about my gifts.

If you know me in person or from the Internet you know that this mug made me happy. Obviously it's perfect for me and my super nerdiness. PS the TARDIS disappears and reappears on the other side when you add hot coffee.

Sure I suppose it would work for tea too but despite my love of British TV that isn't about to happen. Coffee is my life blood.

It gets better though.
First, it's a bit weird that my BBC mug was made in Brooklyn but I'm not judging.

Second, not cool that I can't put it in the dishwasher but I'll survive I guess.

Third, an…

On Christmas I Crush Things

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Tonight was my Preschool Christmas Program. (Should all the words be capitalized?)

Eh. Whatever.

The sweet little ones were all dressed up. There were wise men and sheep and camels and an angel and there was even a donkey named Clyde. It was all very "awww".

Moms, Dads, Grandparents, Siblings and random other extended family all thought it was a great show. I have to agree, not to mention knowing this is the last time I have to sing  "must be Santa" this year makes me positively giddy.

Back on point!!!

So normally while I am at preschool I wear Batman t-shirts and assorted other nerd stuff. I pair that with sneakers or flats, sometimes flip flops. Basically I am not a fancy person.

Who can blame me. A smear of snot or a handful of paint are always close at hand. Plus I really love Batman and I like to pretend that the reason I own 5 Batman shirts is because I teach preschool.

Tonight was different though. All the little ones were in their Christmas finest and I ne…

Socks

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So I totally have a plan for this post but every single time I type SOCKS I remember this awesome late night TV infomercial about how easy it was to learn Spanish and part of the awesomeness was that if you spell the word socks out loud you are speaking Spanish. Of course I have no idea what it means but.....

Crap. Now I totally have to stop writing this to search the internet for the video.


I'm back and I couldn't find the infomercial but I did find this and now I know what SOCKS means in Spanish. Yeah! We are learning stuff.

I have no idea why she is drinking. Okay I have some idea but I need to get back to my point.
I vaguely remember I said I had one before I went into some crazy rambling tangent about Spanish Infomercials.

Oh Yeah! Socks.

So let's take a journey back to 1998. I was newly out of Boat College and my job was sending me every where, all over the globe.

My next assignment was in Alaska, in October! That's nice and sunny here in the South but up there it…

Trans Siberian Orchestra

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I'm not a huge concert goer.

There aren't many performers that I like that are worth the price.

I hate crowds and rudeness and then you have to find someone that loves the same crap to go with you. It's a whole thing. Usually, I just sing along really loudly in the car and that gets me my music fix.

I do like different things though so when someone suggested we go see the Tran Siberian Orchestra I thought it would be fun.



We all hear this song at Christmas and it is pretty awesome. Surely a whole concert of rocking orchestral Christmas music will be fun?

Of course, that was before I got there.

I guess it shouldn't come as a shock that every group has groupies but I still was when the family wearing matching TSO t-shirts and denim jackets walked by.

It was a Christmas show so I figured there would be Christmas music. (Logic always gets me into trouble) I guess that is what they were playing but it was their own music and I had never heard any of it before. Not a single …

Christmas Shopping

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Normally I hate people who rush the holidays.

When I see Christmas decorations up in October I get very annoyed.

But I'm going to break my own rule because I was out and about the other day and came across some fantastic items that would be perfect for that special someone on your list.



Unicorns aren't just for little girls. This fantastic family, complete with bastard Pegasus, would look perfect sitting next to your fancy lawyer's desk lamp.

For the political buff that has everything. Who doesn't want a plate to commemorate the McCain Obama debate from 2008? Remember when McCain asked "Are you afraid I couldn't hear him?" when the moderator kept telling Obama to talk directly to McCain?

How about this adorable creature. For the person who has outgrown stuffed animals but still loves cute and cuddly dead animals. Everyone knows marsupials make the best friends.

Check out this old family photo. Maybe you were adopted or you come from a bunch of nomads. Th…

Bloggin is Like a Dysfunctional Family

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So blogging in general is very much like a crazy inbred family.

Bloggers comment on other blogs in the hope of getting more views to their own page. Who then in turn comment back on the comments and it goes round and round until someone ends up with flipper hands. While this can be entertaining it's also a little crazy.

Along that line I have been nominated for theOne Lovely Blog award. This isn't to say that this isn't sweet. It's actually pretty awesome that people not blood related to me or being held at gunpoint are reading this blog.


So Thanks internet. You guys are the bomb.





Here Are The Rules: 1. You must thank the person who nominated you and include a link to their blog.
Thanks!  White Girls Be like...Check
2. You must list the rules.
Double check!
3. You must add 7 facts about yourself.
See below Check!  (also I take this to mean stuff I haven't already revealed on my blog right?)
4. You must nominate 15 other bloggers and comment on one of their posts to …

1990 was 24 years ago people!!!

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Remember when I said I wasn't going to grow old? It seems like only yesterday.

I'm still fighting the good fight but I realized why some people are always so frustrated.

This morning on one of those Sunday news shows they were talking about Woodward and Bernstein. After a quick sum up they reminded everyone that All The Presidents Men was based on their experience.

I was annoyed. Is this something that people don't know?

This happens to me a lot because I have A LOT of random stuff in my head that I don't realize is random. Why don't more people know these weird facts?

It's a sign of the times though. That movie was made almost 40 years ago and Watergate was even older than that. (Of course it was Caption Obvious because since we don't have a time machine we can only make movies about things that have happened.)



All of this follows me having to explain to my son how a rotary phone worked. He acted like it was the most ridiculous thing he had ever seen. I su…

Are you Predictable?

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I was reading a book the other day and the main character was talking about how he knew some guy working in a store drove a sporty little pick up and it got me thinking.(Yes this happens sometimes.)

If you had to guess what kind of car do you think I drive? What kind of car do you think I should drive or would love to drive?

This really is at least a two part questions since sadly, I am not a billionaire so price is always a serious limiting factor. Not to mention the 2 kids. Can't very well drive around in something with no back seat.

Either way we have to live in the real world. 



There is of course an online quiz to help you decide what is the car you SHOULD be driving.
It told me I should drive a Ferrari but that brings us back to my point about the real world.

Although if someone gave me one I would take two trips everywhere. One time for each child riding shotgun with me in this beauty.

So are you predictable?

As a side note if you are the kind of person who picks a car becau…

Never, Ever, Grow Old

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When I was younger the only 'old' people I knew weren't really that old. In retrospect they were actually pretty young. Certainly not much older than some of my friends are now.

BUT They had old people hair, they dressed like old people, they even smelled like old people.

Now when I say OLD I'm talking not about a specific number but a mindset.

I'm pretty sure most of them weren't over 50 but they acted so old. The TV was too loud. Teenagers were awful. What is with today's music? 

side note. TEENAGERS are awful. You aren't old if you think that, you just aren't a teenager. 

I hated the idea that one day I was going to be "old" too. One day I was going to just give up and go grey. No more cool shoes. No more exciting movies. No more scandalous jokes. No more anything fun.

I was going to get a Laz-e-boy and watch Matlock (or some other equally boring show) until I died.

They say 40 is the new 30 or 50 is the new 40? I don't know because…

Delete my Browser History

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I know  a lot of shows portray this as the ultimate thing one guy can do for another should he suddenly die. If you need me to explain you don't spend enough time on the Internet. (HINT :it's NSFW)

Here's my question though. What is the female equivalent?

Hide my shoes?

Clean out my glove box?

Go through my purse?

I really don't know, but in this age of equality I'd like to know.

Suggestions?


Best Compliment/Worst Insult

Yesterday someone told me that "I make people happy."

My first thought was it was an odd thing to say but then I thought about it.

Really thought. I even wrinkled my brow. I mean I did some deep brain stretches.

There may have been smoke.

Then it occurred to me that it was one of the best things anyone has ever said about me. EVER.

Better than you're pretty or nice or strong or any other generic compliment that people offer.

Which was really nice because it came on the tails of someone insulting me at Krav Maga.

Saturday is sparring day. (That's fighting with gloves on.)

We've been working on multiple pairings and unlike in the movies my partners don't get in a line and come at me one at a time. It's great exercise and a fantastic stress outlet. Maybe not for everyone but I really like it.

Yes , I am aware this is not normal.

Not that you will be surprised by this but I'm the only woman. Sure there are lots in the regular class but I'm the only lun…

Derek Jeter

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He's retiring this year. It's a big deal even if you aren't a Yankee fan (which I totally am) because he has like 700 world records. Okay maybe not that many, I'm not fact checking this. Let's call it stream of consciences because it sounds better than lazy.

Whatever the point is he's impressive. 



Beyond the records and the stats and the fan love though Derek Jeter is a throw back player to a time when baseball was truly our national passtime. To a time when we watched to see legends in the making. In short he is a class act.

No scandals. No hearings on capitol hill. No arrests or rumors.

Nothing.

Sure there are plenty of consistantly good players that dont get into trouble but Jeter isn't just good. He's amazing. There is no question in anyone's mind that he will be in the hall of fame. More than likely a first round pick and possibly a unanimous vote. Those aren't things to scoff at.

Sure he's slowing down a bit and the amazing plays are…

Neighborhood

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When I was a small child I lived in Queens in a small apartment above a store.


I wasn't there long though because apparently Queens isn't an idyllic place to raise a family.  So we packed up and moved to Queens Village.

Obviously it is very cool to live in the Queen's Village as the name implies. Under the watchful eye of royalty. In the shadow of a castle.

Okay Queens Village isn't like that at all. There are a lot of houses only separated by a driveway and a perfectly manicured lawn of 10'x10'.

That isn't to say it didn't have it's perks.

Two words: BLOCK PARTY!!

The whole street would shut down for a day and everyone would come out and talk to the neighbors. There would be Police barriers at the end of the street so kids could ride their bikes or skate their skates (my preferred mode of transportation in those days.) without concern of being flattened.

There were unsafe carnival rides that would arrive on the back of trucks run by x felons with q…

Preschool: year 3

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So I'm a preschool teacher. I've mentioned that before. Last year I managed to avoid the sophomore slump and get the loudest cheers at graduation.
This year though, I was worried about criers. 
I love 4 year olds. They are smart and funny and fun and we play with crayons and play dough and dress up. There are swings and slides and nature walks. It's basically the coolest job ever. Plus I get to indulge in my superhero t shirt obsession. 
The problem is that none of that fun stuff can happen until they get to know me and not miss their moms so much. 
Sometimes that takes a few minutes and sometimes it takes a few days. For the littler guys it can take weeks. Although it feels much longer when they won't stop crying. Poor babies.
This year my new kiddos walked right in and got down to the business of having fun. No tears. No crying. Nothing but smiles. It was epic.
I'm hoping it was a sign of how our year together is going to go and not a "things can only get w…

Could You Recognize Your Spouse's Dismembered Body?

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This was the conversation Triple S and I had yesterday. It started simple enough. (As it usually does.)

I was pointing out to him that I had a birth mark on my leg. You know just in case I'm involved in a horrible accident and dental records and fingerprint aren't a viable identification method.

He told me that he was going to make a mental note although he couldn't make any promises. He further posited that he didn't think it was likely that he would be able to recognize his own severed limb.

Say out of a lineup of 5 severed legs. Because that is a likely scenario.

That is when I suggested we get identifying tattoos. Like code numbers on each limb.


Suspicious detective: "Ma'am we found a leg in the harbor. We need you to confirm it's your husbands."

Me: "Arm or Leg?"

Suspicious detective: "Leg."

Me: "Left or right?"

Suspicious detective: "Left."

Me: "Does it have a 7 on it?"

Suspicious detective: "No i…

darn you google search results!

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I love that Blogger tells you who is checking out your blog.

They let you know that you are super popular in Russia. (not because that is where all the baby spambots are born but because I can totally relate to people who consume on average 4.8 gallons of alcohol a year. We know that's my jam.)

Remember the doll tuxedo?

I know I see it in my nightmares all the time.

In recent weeks "KFC Mutant chickens" has been bringing the most traffic to this little blog because everyone knows this is where you come for important information about mutants and fast food.

Today though someone went to Google and typed in "badman and superman parents".

Now that isn't a typo. Well it isn't a typo on my part. We know how I feel about Batman. I would never call him badman. That sounds like a discount knock off about Brant Woyne and his trusty manservant Andrew. He uses his millions (not billions because we are in a recession) to fight crime in Metrocity all the while dress…

The Joys of Parenthood. Part 763

Note: I wrote this post Friday.

Sometimes I wish I was a much meaner person.

Or at least I didn't care about human niceties. You know like holding the door, saying good morning, letting people merge.

Sociopath? Yeah that would have made today a bit easier.

What happened you ask?

Nothing life changing or sad. (I've mentioned before this ain't that blog.)

Nope. Nothing like that. It's much worse.

Sit down and let me tell you a story:

It started on Wednesday when we arrived at my son's music lesson only to find out his current teacher was gone. No one told us. So instead of continuing my son on his path to super stardom we stood there for 30 minutes until we could arrange for another time.

We headed back tonight to start with a new instructor. Number 5, apparently no one wants to teach my son. (This isn't true at all I'm just complaining. Obviously he is my kid and we routinely get calls from the Van Halen's about his talent.).

Apparently though someone f…

Geek Love

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I know I've mentioned this before but I am a serious GEEK.

For the most part I don't make general announcements about my proclivities. Sometimes though I feel my insane love for something start to bubble to the surface and as the words start to leave my mouth I hear myself getting more and more excited about my obsessions.

This happened the other day when someone mentioned Doctor Who.

August 23 is only 9 days AWAY!!!


They simply said they hadn't really liked the 2005 reboot.

One simple statement and I felt my insanity bubble up. I started with one comment about why they were wrong and it spiraled into a 20 minute diatribe about how Doctor Who is awesome.

I kept remembering my "favorite" thing. One after another and they were coming out in a disjointed stream of consciousnesses rant.

Now if you love Doctor Who then you can understand that trying to explain it on the best of days makes you sound crazy but when you're excited it gets worse.

In my head I could…

Raccoons and Monkeys

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Remember when we cloned a sheep? (holy cow that was 1996!)

Dolly!

It was all Brave New World references and religious freak outs. People love a good slippery slope argument. To prove how scary this was we made movie after movie where we cloned people with horrible consequences.

We even pulled out some old stories that seemed relevant again. Can you say Island of Doctor Moreau? (I'm talking about the horrible remake with Marlon Brando, based on the other movie from 1977, based on the other movie from 1932, based on the book written in 1896)

Both of these movies came out the same year as Dolly.


Now if you are a conspiracy theorist you won't believe this next part so just pretend I'm a puppet for the man and keep reading.

Nothing happened. No animal people hybrids or nightmare diseases that brought about the long awaited zombie apocalypse. Nothing other than a few other medical experiments that we promptly forgot about.


I'll admit I never really cared although that had more…

Can You Fake an Accent?

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I remember a period of time where a few of my girlfriends and I would talk with a fake British accent for hours on end. We thought we were brilliant but I can only imagine it was truly annoying to all around us.

That isn't the point though. It didn't seem that hard. I'm sure to actual English people we sounded like idiots but hey, we were young, and stupid and we probably were idiots.

I bring up this trip down memory lane because I just watched an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie.

He's doing that again.    Making movies.    Since we didn't change the rules and he can't run for President he's back to "acting". Yeah there are quotes around that word because although I will watch True Lies every time it is on he is not winning an Oscar for his nuanced roles anytime soon.

Back on topic though. So the movie I watched was Sabotage.


Besides Arnold's awful hair. It's a pretty good 2 hours of people never running out of ammo and surviving ridiculous …

My Son is an Inspiration

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Not in the sense that he has done something that would make old ladies and moms smile with pride. Although he does do stuff like that sometimes.

Today though he was messing around on my phone and playing with all the sound clips I have downloaded on there as various alerts and ringers.

Included is of course the Rocky Theme.

Coming inside from the grocery store he kept playing it over and over and giggling. Then as we unpacked the last bag he paused the music and made this proclamation.

"I feel like I just accomplished something."



I had to agree. Theme music makes everything better.

Imagine scrubbing the casserole dish with this playing in the background? I bet you aren't even going to let it soak. You're going to think about Rocky hammering into that side of beef and before you know it the dish is going to be spotless.

What about while you are mowing the lawn? I bet that lawn will be done before you know it.

I'm going to see if this kind of psychological motivati…

ORPHANS (yes this again)

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TV and movies give orphans and single parented kids a very unrealistic view of death.

It used to be just soap operas that had people coming back from the dead. Or suddenly an identical cousin would show up but either way it was harder to kill a soap opera star than a vampire.

I say this because the kids and I just got back from How to Train Your Dragon 2.

So if you haven't seen it I'm supposed to warn you about spoilers but based on what I just wrote and the fact that that is the first movie I mentioned you can kind of guess what happens.

So read on, all the other shows will be old enough that if you haven't seen them you can stop pretending you are going to.


Still here? Good.

As we left the theater I couldn't stop thinking about all the times this had happened off the top of my head. Alias, Castle, Grimm, 90210. I'm sure if I wanted too I could find more but I didn't. I'm being lazy plus this isn't really a post. Just a a quick ramble. So no details ab…

Binging (I checked. That's how you spell it.)

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I want to add an 'e' so it doesn't look like I'm talking about BING. Cause I'm not.

This is not a post about poor eating habits either. Although I could do that.

I'm going to talk about Netflix.


It's summer so most regular TV is on a break. It's the perfect time to drown yourself in an entire TV series. I love Netflix. It is an amazing thing to be able to watch a movie whenever the hell you want.



Remember when I was a kid we had to wait until it came on TV and it would be "modified for content" or butchered for language and worse still it was cut so it  would fit on the screen. Remember I'm old and TV screens used to be a different size than movies.

It seems like this should have been fixed a lot sooner but alas we were forced to only see half the movie. Sometimes it wouldn't mater and others it would seems like the cinematography was a big fan of panning back and forth.




WOW. sorry but that was some serious rambling.

Back on topic. I lo…

Life is a Balancing Act

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OMG she's about to get deep. Feelings might come out.


Sure you could infer that from the title but not to worry. This isn't that blog and I'm not that girl.

Perhaps you are aware of this but I have what some might refer to as a "fresh mouth". I've been called sassy, smart mouthed, sarcastic, frequently ridiculous and always flippant.

My first instinct is to make a joke and never to remain silent.

(This is so true that I once joked about my friend's father's passing less than a week later. Much to the horror of everyone else in the car.)

Each time before I open my mouth I weight the consequences. It might not seem like that but I really do. Sure sometimes I still make the wrong call and offend someone or hurt someone's feelings, but I did think about it.

Sometimes the consequences come back on me and I have to decide if I'm willing to pay them.

In high school I could pretty much mumble anything under my breath and remain untouched but then I d…

TBT: the sequel

Remember when I told you I got a check from BMG when Mili Vanili turned out to be a fake?

Blame it on the Rain is still an awesome song but apparently someone else sang it. Whatever.(in order to find this link I just had to peruse YouTube and of course I listened to the whole song so yeah I stand by my earlier statement.)



Where am I going with this? Good question.

BuzzFeed had a list today that made me think of this. 

Remember in the back of your Teen magazine there was that little tear out? For a while it was ten cassettes for a penny and then in switched to ten albums for the price of one.

Of course then you were trapped in some album of the week nightmare and if you didn't pay attention some guy from BMG was going to come a knocking looking for his money regardless of whether you wanted the latest release from lil bow wow or not.

I'm old enough that the first time I got taken with this scam it was still cassettes.

Yeah I'm old. Get over it!

I was still trying to figure out…

The Name Game

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It's summertime. That wonderful, magical time that we look forward to all year right up until it happens then we complain how bored we are unless we have seven friends over every day.

Magical I tell you!

 We have some regularly scheduled stuff during the week, Krav Maga, gymnastics, music, the gym. Nothing that can't be moved around to indulge in some quality pool time though.

That is a good thing because we love the sun.By 'we' I mean 'I'. I love the sun so much! Give me a book and a beach towel and I am a happy girl.


Today though the kids were taking turns annoying each other. It's gotten to the point where I would rather they call each other not nice things because they are making me hate the names I chose for them and it wasn't an easy choice.

We put some effort into making sure neither of them had the same name as ten other kids or a confusing name with a weird spelling or something that rhymed with fart or butt-hole.

Kids are cruel and you need t…

Sophomore Scream

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Year 2 of teaching preschool is in the bag and I don't mean to brag but I did pretty good. I avoided the sophomore slump nicely.


Fact: My parents cheered the loudest at the graduation ceremony. (I didn't even have to pay them)

Opinion: My kids were the greatest. (although the other kids were pretty awesome too.)

Fact: Without my trusty side kick Robin I wouldn't be able to be so awesome.

Opinion: I'm pretty good at this. (At least I hope I am.)

So let the summer begin. It's time to get my tan on. (PS Remember sunblock is your friend!)

Before I let my brain cook in the Southern sun I want to remind you of a few things.


1. Glitter is like the sand of crafting. It gets everywhere and no matter how hard you try there is always a little more.

2. Hugs from small children are great. Even better are hugs that come with sweet words.

3. You can build up a tolerance to snot. Not something I wanted to learn.

4. I've never met a child that didn't like goldfish crackers.

Meat is tasty Murder

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This weekend isn't about barbecues and long weekends.

It's about freedom and the people who selflessly provide it for you. The people who wait at home for someone who may or may not return. The people who get paid less than the fry guy at McDonald's to be away from their family for months, possibly years at a time.

But this isn't that blog so we are going to talk about food because no one comes here for political rants. Although I can try some if you want. I'm pretty good at ranting in general in case that wasn't obvious.

Seriously though, THANK A VETERAN!!



Now on to the stories about meat.

In an attempt to be healthier red meat is a rarity in this house but despite my earlier tirade we did attend two barbecues this weekend. Both included some super yummy food and burgers.

I love a good burger.

I don't mean some factory made meat patty. I'm talking hand formed, spiced to perfection beef.


This is the awesome part though.

There are a lot of subtle signs o…