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Sunday, September 17, 2017

The End of Summer: a Tale of Blood, Sweat, and Tears

I've spent the summer doing stupid things.

Things to test myself.

(like another NewBreed tournament)

Things to prove I'm not growing old.

Things to see just how good my insurance is.

(like an almost broken finger)

But before the Summer can end I wanted to add one more thing to the list.


I tried to exercise better than anyone else. 


I know that's a weird statement but I'm not sure there is a better way to describe Crossfit.

Yes, I said the dreaded C word.

I know Crossfit is like a lightning rod for people who want to be fit. Everyone seems to either know someone who got super jacked or super jacked up.

I have drunk the kool-aid though. I'm in 100% mostly because my coach is awesome.

You might be thinking that's my opinion but you are wrong. It's FACT.

Seriously, Check this guy out.


Just kidding.


Although that is him that picture is deceptive. I mean he only leaned back for like 30 seconds but I'm quick with the camera.

Whatever. That isn't the point.

Somehow this unassuming bearded gentleman tricked me into CrossFit. I just wanted to "lift some weights".


Thanks to him this past weekend I got 2nd best exerciser. **

** aged 40-44, scaled.

If you want to see me in action you can click on the links below. It's painful to watch. I mean even I want to scream at myself to go faster even though I know at the time I was thinking about murdering people. Or passing out. Or a combination of the two. I certainly wasn't thinking about writing this post to thank the sleepy guy in the picture above.

box jump burpees and high knees



400m row, 21 kettlebell snatches, and 12 ring rows

* note to self. Maybe less bending over when you are being videotaped.

It isn't just him though. It's the people who cheer each other on. Who tell you how awesome you are when you feel like you're failing. It's the people who laugh when you slip in your own sweat. It's the people who curse the work out of the day (WOD) with you because double unders are the worst except for maybe thrusters. Those are also horrible.

These people never have egos. Seriously, and some of them should, they are so badass.




Travel Musings

Have you ever seen these signs?

How is this still a thing?

Does anyone really think that there is an aircraft circling the highway using some form of long distance radar gun to track your speed?

I'm not sure what the cost of jet fuel is these days but I would imagine you would have to issue a lot of tickets to pay for an hour of airtime. Flight time? Flying time? Obviously, I am not a pilot.

Maybe we should check the state budget more carefully next time it comes up for a vote?

Sunday, August 20, 2017

School is about to Start!

Even if you don't have small children don't pretend like you didn't know because every form of social media has been filled with all things back to school. Parodies about dancing parents, memes about sad kindergarten parents, jokes about making lunches, horror stories about dress codes and so very much more.

Now if you try and tell me you don't follow social media let me stop you there.

That is the new "I don't watch TV" 

Go screw! 

We know you are better than us with all your encyclopedias and the like but whatever! We like gifs showing cats falling in water and freaking out. 

Besides, that isn't a valid argument because every store every where has been advertising it. So unless you are going to tell me you are a home bound agoraphobe, with no internet access, I call LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE!

Whatever.

None of your lies matter. What does matter is that for the people in this house, (and for the purposes of this blog the most important people) school is starting back up. 


School supplies have been ordered. Normally a nightmare that I pawn off on the husband. Not this year though. I braved the stores, the lines, the crowds, the complaining, the fits over folders not coming in blue and took care of everything.

At least that is the story I'm telling everyone. The truth is it took 3 minutes.

Yup. That isn't even an exaggeration. 

Both the kid's schools uploaded their school lists to the local Target and all I had to do was find them on the website. 

Three minutes. 

Less than 200 seconds.

Less time than it takes to tie shoes.

Seriously!! I was so giddy I didn't even know what to do with myself.


SHHHHHHHHHH

So yeah it was super easy thanks to the fact that everything is linked in cyberspace and sure every time the internet makes something easier it means some tiny piece of my private life is now available for strangers but who cares?


School shopping is done. Now I just need to enforce a regular bedtime. Preferably at least a few days before school actually starts.

Let's be honest though. THAT AIN'T HAPPENING.




Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Murph and the Warrior Dash.

I spent my Memorial Day torturing myself in memory of a true American Hero.


Cross fit has workouts named after heroes. Real heroes. The kind that wear uniforms and are willing to sacrifice their lives. One of the most famous is the one named after Micheal P Murphy. A Medal of Honor winner. There is a book and a movie about his last battle.

The purpose is to build stamina or see if you can die while exercising. It's hard to tell.

1 mile run
100 Pull Ups
200 Push Ups
300 Air Squats
1 mile run

If you are going to be hardcore you are supposed to do all of that in order with a 20 pound vest on. Because just the exercise isn't enough you need to do it while carrying the equivalent of a toddler.

In case there is a part of you that thought I did 100 pull ups first I want to say I love you and thank you. No such luck! I used a lovely rubber band. I also did it without any extra weight.

The whole damn thing took me 63:01


You are supposed to finish in an hour but forget that! Rules are for other people.

It's been three days and I'm weirdly sore. Like my hands and forearms hurt but the rest of me is fine. Thats good news because this weekend I'm going to be doing the Warrior Dash again. Apparently I haven't learned my lesson with these obstacle races yet. Fingers crossed I remain unbroken.

I'll be doing it with all my Krav Friends though so if a fight breaks out our team is SAFE!


Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Monday Monday

Mondays are always rough. This is true for everyone. We spend our weekends having fun and forgetting our responsibilities and Monday morning is a wake up call.

By "we" I'm talking about the human race not the people that live in this house. We, as in the people in this house, spend our weekends doing ridiculous things like fighting for fun and seeing how close to vomiting we can get during a workout.

PS it was a lot closer than it's been in a while.

So Mondays are hard.

Luckily it ended fun. (Are you being sarcastic? Because it seems like you might be being sarcastic.)

Peanut came downstairs nice and clean from her shower to let me know her stomach hurt. I told her to get a pot and head to bed. This seemed like solid MOM advice. Peanut agreed.

I also mentioned that making sure her bathroom wasn't littered with clothes in case of emergency. Or at least that had been what I was half way through saying before the peanut started to use the pot she had just retrieved from the cabinet.

As I made my way to my vomiting child to usher her into the bathroom to avoid splash back she paused to say one word.

"Frog"

Yup. Frog. Although if we want to be accurate she should have said toad. Because that is what was sitting right in the middle of my living room.

How did it get there?

This is a very valid question but I didn't really have time to think about the answer because the peanut started vomiting again and I had to chase a toad through my house.

So HAPPY MONDAY!

Sunday, January 1, 2017

2017

Somehow we all survived another turn around the sun.

Despite every one's cries that end times were here the sun is still shinning. Well not right here as the first day of 2017 here in NC is rainy but even that isn't something to be sad about because apparently we need the rain if the lake level is anything to go by.

None of that is important.

Okay maybe the lake level is but I can't do anything about that so I'm going to ignore it.

Maybe don't ignore it I mean I'm trying to do my part. You know stuff like starting outside projects and washing  my car.

Yeah and sorry about buying rain boots after it finally started raining. Obviously that is the opposite of productive. But I finally found a pair that fit over my massive calves.

Whatever, I've started to ramble a bit but you guys know that is nothing new for this blog.

90% of my posts are practically stream of conscientiousness crazy with a tiny sprinkle of NERD to keep me honest. Okay if I'm being honest "sprinkle of NERD" isn't really accurate.

OMG what was the point of this blog post?

Oh yeah. 2017!!! Happy new year.

Sure it felt like 2016 was never going to end and then the one two punch of Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds. NOT COOL 2016. NOT COOL AT ALL.

But it's behind us now and 2017 is going to be full of rainbows and unicorns.

I mean I don't have any psychic abilities or anything but, I'm about to get real, it can be what you make it. So start smiling more and laughing louder and stop worrying about what anyone is thinking. Be brave. Be bold. Be crazy, Actually be whatever the hell you want. Find your tribe or squad or troop.

And if you are already the kind of person who lives life like this then continue to spread your joy you magical unicorn!!