I'm losing my edge.
The South is making me soft. Even as I type this I can't think of a single incident in the last week where I cursed or yelled at someone for next to nothing. Even my sarcasm radar is failing me.
Today I stopped by Starbucks to get a latte. Three simple words. "small Latte please."
As the barista handed it to me she said "Where're you from?"
Normally I would have had some nasty remark along the lines of none your! Instead I smiled and asked her how she knew I wasn't local.
I need help. I've already watched Goodfellas and I think I managed to stop my accent's downward spiral but what about the attitude? Should I just start shoving the other mom's in the pick up line? Should I honk my horn at morning dropoff when people take too long to get their kids out? Stare down the lady on the treadmill until she cuts her work out short?
I fear it is already too late and my gentrification is inevitable. What's next? Full on stepford? I did actually buy a flowery summer dress and I was cooking with an apron the other day...
It's too late. Maybe it's like stockholm sydrome and I can get someone to deprogram me?
Or maybe I'll just keep calling everyone still north of the Mason-Dixon and tell them how great it is and how they should move down here too?
I'm going to tell them all about the biscuits and the smiles and nothing about the Pizza or Chinese food.
I'm starting to feel more like my old self already. Nothing like a bit of evil planning to remind me of my roots.