Black Belt Bound

It's been a while but I felt the spark of inspiration so here we go.

If you know me you know I do Jiu Jitsu. I've no doubt tried to convince you that you should try it. Certainly I've suggested you come to class with me. I've talked about all the extra benefits of Jui Jitsu that are so amazing. I've told you of the joy of throwing a grown man. 

Yes I sound like a crazy person pitching you a cult. I know that. 

 It's just that it is amazing. It is life changing. It is so fucking empowering.

Yesterday I got my 2nd stripe on my brown belt. 

For context there are 5 belts in Jiu Jitsu. White, blue, purple, brown, black. you get 4 stripes on each belt before you move to the next. Usually. 

You can be at any one of those belts from 2 to 3 years or even longer. 

Jiu Jitsu is the ultimate marathon.

Added context. I got a BLACK belt in Tae Kwon Do in 2 and a half years.  I was still a white belt in Jui Jitsu at that same point. I don't point this out to diminish any other martial arts, just to make you understand why I feel such an insane feeling of accomplishment for making it this far. 

OK so now you have all the information necessary to realize why I got a little bit choked up at this post:

SOON?

A relative term when the average black belt takes TEN years.

But still. SOON? a year? Two? 

I'm not looking for a timeline. I've never done that with any of my promotions. I just keep my head down and keep showing up. 

So soon or not that's what I'm going to keep doing. The best part is that after I get that pretty black belt?  That's what I'll still keep doing. 

One more peice of context.

That child in the picture with me? He was a student at my preschool. 

Why do I mention that?

Because time passes. Fast or Slow depending on the season of life but it passes. So yes 10 years is a long time but it's going to pass whether or not you start that thing you've been putting off.

There is no better time than right now to start. 

Mother's Day

 Not that I'm not a preschool teacher anymore I want to talk about one of the few things about that job that made me sad.

Mother's day.

You've probably gotten one of those cute question and answer pages filled out by your child's teacher with much prodding to find out what your child thinks your favorite color is and what you like to do with your vast amounts of free time. ♥️ 🤣

We do this same exercise with dads. 

That's the part that makes me sad. 

When asked about dad's favorite things the kids almost always have REAL answers.

Dad's favorite food is steak. He likes watching football and playing golf. Maybe they know your favorite color is red just like the Kansas Cheifs that are of course dad's favorite team.

Maybe it's building things or working on the car or a thousand other answers that the kids KNOW about their dad.

Not Mom though. 

Mom loves watching cartoons and Mac and cheese and her favorite color is blue "just like mine". 

Just because you're a stay at home mom doesn't mean you are not still your own person.

We talk so often about the analogy of putting on your own oxygen mask first. 

Please let your children KNOW you. Let them know the things that make you happy and the things you hate. Let them know you are a fully formed human with wants and needs just like their father.

So many women get lost in motherhood. Help your kids see you as more than just their caretaker. 

Maybe next year that questionnaire can have some much more personal answers. 

my "mouthy" daughter

 The other day at Jiu Jitsu some dads commented on my daughter's "back talk".

"If I'd have talked to my mother like that...."

Now before you jump on them they are good guys, good fathers, but there is a generation thought process that polite girls are good girls.

We don't do that shit in this house.

We care about intent. So while my daughter's words might have sounded harsh on paper in person she said them with a teasing smile and zero venom behind them. 

We don't care about her being polite, quiet, and nice ( PS she is all of those things). We care about her standing up for herself because while those men were good people not all adults are. Some prey on children's misconception that they need to respect ALL adults.

NO.

Earn my kids' respect. You don't have it just because of your age, your status, or anything else.

That is how adults take advantage of kids.

So you do you. But over here we are raising MOUTHY opinionated people who know they can speak up if they are uncomfortable.

I Don't Like Bullies

But then again who does?

So someone I follow posted this on their story and I immediately stole it.

How could I not?

Growing up in the age of social media opens kids up to so much online cruelty. There is so much to deal with that no one has even had to deal with before. I have no advice for online harassment and mean comments. I have no idea how to make it stop or to make them understand that what they are doing is wrong.

What I do have is a lot of free time and a long history of being a sarcastic asshole. So please let me fight your battle for you.


On a serious note. If you need someone to watch your kid's accounts for inappropriate stuff I'll gladly do it. Please also feel free to give them my number. Let them know that I will gladly answer any question they have. Help them with any problems they feel they can't come to you with.

44

In a week I turn 44. I'll be spending my birthday in my house because my options during the time of COVID are limited.

Not that I would normally party till the break of dawn. Not really my speed. No doubt I would have gone out dinner with my family and some friends and ate WAY TOO MUCH.

I can still do that at my house though.

44 isn't a special age by any reasonable gauge.

It's not a milestone like 21 or even 40.

For most people birthday 44 will pass like any other day, but for me, it's a little bit different.

44 is the age my mother died.

44 is the last birthday she celebrated.

When I was younger 44 didn't seem old but it didn't seem as young as it does right now.

When my mother died I had so many questions that I wanted answered. So many things about the way she lived her life that I wanted her to explain. Choices I wanted her to justify.

But I was so young. Everything about her life was foreign to me. I didn't know what it felt like to be a mother. A wife. To have people rely on you.

I always hoped that as I aged and got some life experiences her choices would make more sense. I would be able to see why she was who she was.

Now, sitting on this side of the fence, I still don't understand her. Her choices still confuse me and frustrate me and despite my best effort still make me very angry sometimes. Most of all though this birthday makes me sad.

Sad that this is as far as she got. Not because fate is cruel or because sometimes bad stuff just happens but because she made bad choices. Because she let her demons win.

So while I am sad about the things she missed I am grateful her choices taught me life lessons that a lot of people have to learn themselves the hard way.

Grateful that her choices made me who I am today.

So I'm going to try and live my life to the fullest this year but I might get maudlin sometimes. I might express my undying love for you or confess all kinds of things because life is short. So short and I'm not going to waste it.

Selfies

I take a fair amount of photos of myself.

Not quite 16 year old girl numbers but it is a lot.

That wasn't always the case. 

I hated selfies. I thought they were narcissistic and dumb. People holding the phone up and taking pictures of themselves? Why?  Why not take pictures of the things around you? 

Don't you want pictures of experiences and not yourself?

But here is the thing. When I look at old pictures I don't care about the pretty house or the crazy car. That odd museum or the colorful sunset.

When I look at old pictures all I care about are the people in them.  So in addition to taking selfies, I try and take as many pictures as I can of the people I love. 

SHHHHHHHH

Full disclosure I take pictures of my food too. I mean that is what the internet was invented for. Despite everyone trying to make it a place where you can post your political opinion and try and convince the world that birds are all robots spying on you (a real conspiracy theory).

I try and keep my pictures light and funny and maybe just a little inspirational. But also there are going to be lots of photos of me so my friends can see my face because if they like seeing it half as much as I like seeing theirs it's totally worth it. 

So today, on day 3752 of sheltering in place I encourage you to post a selfie too. I miss your faces. 

Instead of silly math games or a list of the places you lived please post YOU. That's what I miss. I know I can't be the only one.

I take a fair amount of photos of myself.

Not quite 16 year old girl numbers but it is a lot.

That wasn't always the case. 

I hated selfies. I thought they were narcissistic and dumb. People holding the phone up and taking pictures of themselves? Why?  Why not take pictures of the things around you? 

Don't you want pictures of experiences and not yourself?

But here is the thing. When I look at old pictures I don't care about the pretty house or the crazy car. That odd museum or the colorful sunset.

When I look at old pictures all I care about are the people in them.  So in addition to taking selfies, I try and take as many pictures as I can of the people I love. 

SHHHHHHHH

Full disclosure I take pictures of my food too. I mean that is what the internet was invented for. Despite everyone trying to make it a place where you can post your political opinion and try and convince the world that birds are all robots spying on you (a real conspiracy theory).

I try and keep my pictures light and funny and maybe just a little inspirational. But also there are going to be lots of photos of me so my friends can see my face because if they like seeing it half as much as I like seeing theirs it's totally worth it. 

So today, on day 3752 of sheltering in place I encourage you to post a selfie too. I miss your faces. 

Instead of silly math games or a list of the places you lived please post YOU. That's what I miss. I know I can't be the only one.

30 Days of Social Distancing

Most the country is locked down.

Although that is a relative term since you are still able to go out to "essential businesses".

An odd group of stores that only seems to leave out small, local businesses. 

I'm not in charge though and I don't have a degree in medicine or virology or anything that might allow me to help make sense of this.

What I do have is some suggestions to keep you from going insane.

But before I offer them I wanted to talk about me. This is my blog after all so most of the stuff on here is about me.

I post a lot of dumb stuff on my social media. Stuff about my kids, my dog, about how much I love coffee. About all the bruises I get doing all the insane things I do.  None of this is because I think I'm better than anyone or because I want to show you how cool I am.

This is ridiculous. The only difference between me and most people is that one day I got off the couch and decided to try.

That faceless blob behind that adorable kid is me. I am close to 300 pounds in this picture and still pretending that it's because I have big bones. Now I'm not going to start fat-shaming anyone but I am unhealthy is this picture. No doubt I was out of breath chasing after that cute little Dash look alike.

I would stay that way for a few more years before I would finally run out of excuses.

I'm telling you this because you have 30 days.

Imagine what you can change in 30 days? So if some stupid picture I post inspires you I'm glad. That is the whole point. If I can do it you can too.

So use your 30 days wisely. They are going to pass regardless. Will you come out the other side a better you? You just have to get off the couch.

But You Didn't

Do you have talented friends that spend hours working on their craft?

Maybe an artist or a musician. Maybe a photographer or an instructor.

If when they tell you about their talent you respond with "I could probably do that." you need to stop.

Maybe you could have done what they did. Maybe if you devoted the time and energy they did you could be just as good as them but.......


BUT YOU DIDN'T



And when you imply that you could have it's insulting to the time and energy that person has taken to be good at their chosen talent.

So STOP.

Life isnt a competition.

Figure put your passion and start devoting your time to that instead of taking away from others.

My Kids

When I say I would do anything for my kids.

When I say I will cheer for my kids.

When I say I support my kids no matter what.

When I say I would murder for my kids.

When I say no one will hurt my kids.

I'm not just talking about the ones that call me mom.

If you bring your child to me. If you trust your child to my care. If your kid hugs me when they see me.

These are my kids and I pity the person that ever tries to hurt them.

Mostly because if they are my kids they are going to stand up and do something about it but also because when they are done with you......

Well, we really don't need to go into that do we?

No.

I don't think we do.

My last workout

So I just realized I had my last workout at the gym I have been going to for the last 8 years.

That's kind of sad.        Actually, It's really sad.

You probably know if you read this blog that when the family moved here to North Carolina 9 years ago I was UNHEALTHY. I was working a regular 9-5 job and I was going out to lunch a lot and eating quick food because time was at a premium. I had 2 small kids and a husband that traveled. These aren't excuses. Looking back now I know I just didn't make my health a priority.

Certainly, busy people make time to get to the gym. I wasn't special. Just lazy.

So I got big.

For a while I ignored it. Used my usual excuses "big boned" and the like.

All that changed when we moved though because suddenly I was a stay at home mom with one kid in full-time school and another in preschool.

I had LOTS of free time.

It's hard to say you don't have time to get to the gym when all you have is time.

Or maybe I just hated laundry so much I was willing to start working out again just to not have to fold one more load?

Either way, I joined the gym and started with 20 minutes on the treadmill.

Seriously. I was walking for 20 minutes and I would leave sweaty and gross and I HATED IT. I hated every step because it was hard and it made me angry at myself for getting so damn out of shape.

You see it doesn't happen overnight. It's a thousand bad choices made over and over again.

The crazy part is that is the same way you fix it.

A thousand good choices made over and over again.

My first was the gym. Over and over again, day after day I went from 20 minutes on the treadmill to cardio classes to the weights.

I got faster and stronger and HEALTHIER.

There was the other side too where I stopped sneaking ice cream when the dog would wake me up at 3 am. Yes, a thing I did most nights. Or cookies. Or some other junk.

I starting doing all the things we all know we are supposed to do but don't want to because it's easier to make excuses.

Time passed.

Progress happened, as it does when you put your head down and grind.

Thursday morning I walked into my usually 930 class and for whatever reason, I was the only one.

Just me and the weights and so much sweat.

I was having a hard time with a plate pinch carry. Basically, I was holding two ten-pound weights in each hand pinched between my thumb and four fingers. I was supposed to walk 50 m with them then move on to the next step.

My hands kept slipping. I was getting frustrated. That's when coach said he liked it when I came in first to "test" the workout.

Because I was having a hard time the workout was changed.

I'm the gold standard.


Okay, that's a little ridiculous but remember just a few sentences ago I told you 20 minutes on the treadmill was horrible. Now workouts are being altered base on MY ability to do them.

Sadly though my progress is not what the blog is about.

Remember, I'm leaving my gym.

They have instituted a "no bag" policy like stadiums and concert halls.  While I understand the world we live requires businesses to make changes that they think will keep their customers safe I don't agree this is the way to go. At least not for this business.

What matters is that I can't tell you all about how you should be a sheepdog and how important training is then be in a facility that has ensured that I don't have anything to keep myself safe.

So it's new gym time.

Got to walk the walk. Not just talk the talk.

Lead by example.

At least that is the kind of person I would like to be. Those are certainly the people I look up to.

So I tried out a new gym this morning.

Although "new" Isn't really accurate. I tried it out about a year ago but I wasn't ready to leave the nest. Wasn't ready to start something new, despite the fact that it's like this gym was made for me.

There are punching bags and training guns and heavy weights.

Yes, you read that right.

Did I mention the signs on the walls say things like "hope is not a plan"?

Oh and last but not least membership at this gym gets me access to a private outdoor range where I can practice moving and shooting.

I know. I'm confused as to why I took so long when I knew this was an option.

2 things.

Number 1 is that I LOVE MY PEOPLE. They make the worst workouts better just by their mutual suffering.

Number 2 is that there are no classes. Everything is self-motivated and I seriously questioned whether, when it was up to me, I would actually work hard.

I realize that is insane.

I'm not going to start skipping the gym because I'm going by myself.

Did I forget who I am?

I should know I'm awesome.

So GOODBYE old gym.

GOODBYE awesome workout buddies.

GOODBYE the comfort of things that are KNOWN.

Functional Training

Right now some of you are yelling that you are not going to drink the Koolaid.

I get it. Seriously, I was you. I was actually tricked into joining. Bamboozled even!

For everyone else who is confused by my ranting here is what I'm talking about.

Functional Training is a tern for Crossfit.

But hold on one minute before you totally ignore me or start ranting about how you don't want to be the best at exercising.

There is a reason Crossfit is called Functional Training.

I'm talking to you moms!

You know that battle to only make one trip with the groceries?

Functional Fitness

You know how your toddler wants to ride on your back for an hour?

Functional Fitness

You know that balancing act you perform while you read one more bedtime story on the edge of the bed packed with a small child and every stuffed animal ever made?

Functional Fitness

You know when you run along the sidelines of your kid's soccer game trying to get the perfect "action shot"?

Functional Fitness

You know when you bend down to tie your little one's shoe for the 100th time?

Functional Fitness

Basically what I'm saying is that Crossfit is for you.

So this is my plea to you ladies to join me at the YMCA and try out a class.

Is it hard? YES

Is it worth it? YES

Will you be able to "keep up"? YES

Women and Guns

I posted this on my Facebook page. What followed was a back and forth mired in misunderstanding.

This is what I posted for clarification, it is about as clear as I can be about why I think women and guns are a good thing. 

I don't need you to agree but I'd like it if you understood.

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The main reason I love teaching women to shoot is that guns are the great equalizers.
Especially for women.

I can train every day. (Something I do) but men are inherently stronger and faster. That's genetics.

Don't get me wrong most men don't stand a chance against me but for the ones that do, they might be faster or stronger than me but they are not stronger or faster than a bullet.

I teach that talking and running are always your first options to get out of a bad situation. Before that is NOT being there at all.

But sometimes bad shit happens no matter what steps you take to avoid it and some people can't be reasoned with.

So should the police be by my side when this happens I will let them do their job but as it is more likely that I will be alone (or worse, with my kids) know that I won't hesitate to make sure I am the one that gets to go home tonight.

I don't think like this because I live in a "bad part of town" or because I'm looking for a fight.

I think like this because the world has changed and I can't sit in an ivory tower and pretend it's 1985. Bad people hate me without ever having met me.

If they knock on my door know that I am ready and I am going to help as many people as I can be ready too.

I am a Superhero

Sunday is Funday.

I spend most of Sunday's at open mat because that is fun to me.

What's "open mat"?

Good question.

It's a time when your BJJ (Brazilian Jui Jitsu) school lets everyone train but there is no lesson. Just people rolling together trying to get better at a sport they love.

When you work really hard the mats are covered in sweat. I mean covered!

Obviously, that is GROSS and it needs to be cleaned up.

Enter the cleanup crew. Or as it is less formally known the student and instructors.

I had a mop in my hand because I was in the Navy so I can out mop most people. 😜

Natalie was there too and as is the natural state of a 12-year-old girl she was being sassy.

One of the other members of the cleanup crew commented that she was past the age where she thought her parents were perfect superheroes.

I laughed for a moment before replying.

"Fuck that. I am a Superhero."


Or as close as you are going to get without any magical powers and Natalie agreed.


Side note. This is not about mommy shamming. You can be a great mom without being a secret ninja.

So sure she questions everything I say and revels in telling me I'm wrong but she doesn't question my superhero status.

And neither should you.

Flex Friday

Did a little bathing suit shopping today because this is the summer the bikini returns.

The time to worry about some imaginary beauty standard is over.

In the last ten years I have become so much stronger and faster and healthier. I am in the best shape of my life and I'm not stopping. I want to improve every day.

But none of that is what I'm talking about today.

Today is about the fact that while I was trying on bathing suits I noticed some super awesome back and shoulder muscles.

Then I spent 3 to 5 minutes flexing in the changing room. (it might have been longer I don't have a watch.) the mirrors were at the perfect angle and the lighting was magical.

Never have I wanted to be a professional fitness model more. I'm guessing they would have been able to flex much better than me but even with my amateur status, I was still awesome.

There are so many muscles back there. I mean all the muscles. ALL the muscles.

At home photo isn't as magical but still. I WILL SQUEEZE THE LIFE OUT OF YOU!

Who wants a HUG?

I have a wedding to go to in October. I'm thinking strapless. Other people should enjoy the view. It would be selfish of me to keep it from them.


side note: Someone at Jui Jit Sui said my legs were strong. You guys know that makes me giddy. I'll take that over "you're pretty" any day of the week.

Fear's enemy is preparation

We have the Ring Doorbell. It's cool and I can see who is at the door so I can decide if I actually want to answer it. Also I'm about to have a teenage driver in my house and if he thinks he can sneak out that is NOT going to happen. Or maybe he wants to sneak someone in? Either way, not on my watch.

I mean that's what I use it for but I think other people use it too keep an eye on their property and discourage thieves. If the Ring app is anything to go by it is also used to locate lost dogs, garbage thieves and random ding dong ditch perpetrators.

My daughter likes to scroll through the alerts. She hopes the pups find their owners and laughs at kids running from porches.

We had a quick conversation about why so many people post about cars turning around in driveways and people walking by on the sidewalk.

I explained that people see danger around every corner when they don't know what real danger looks like. So every person that walks by might be a robber casing their house and every car in their driveway might be a team of burglars ready to steal their awesome DVD collection.

It might also be someone who made a wrong turn on their way to a dinner party.

When you aren't prepared you can see darkness in every corner. Danger in every stranger.

The best way to conquer fear is to be prepared.


Are you prepared?


I might know a good place to start if you need help.

Sheepdog Response

I'm Broken Again or My Legend Only Grows

So you may remember a few years ago I broke my wrist.

I did get an awesome metal plate. So it was kind of a win. But more than the fact that I broke it was the stuff I did after the break.

I finished the race.
Didn't miss a day of "work".
Did a half MURPH within a month.
And was back training ninja stuff in a week.

Basically, I proved I'm a superhero.
Or insane. Sometimes it's a fine line.

I've tried to tell people I don't feel pain but it always sounds like I'm exaggerating or bragging.

I'm not. It's gotten me into trouble before.

Not feeling pain isn't a good thing.

But since I can't change it I will use it to my advantage to help my legend GROW.

So I'm broken again. The 2nd metatarsal in my right foot.

We are going to use the Ranger Up Grappling Classic as a timeline for my injury.

2 weeks till the tournament
Let's start with the how.

I mean that's what everyone asks.

What I say is "big guy fell on it." And while that is true it's a bit of a simplification.

What happened was I was training HARD and because I'm still a blue belt and do stupid stuff I had an active toe during a takedown and the person doing the takedown (the takedowner?) landed on it.

The noise it made was so scary everyone in class stopped. I of course laughed it off.

"I'm sure it's fine."-me

Everyone else seemed concerned.

Ice was procured. A chair was moved.

I was told to chill.

So because it did hurt and I was tired I agreed.

"It's just your tendons" -coach

Sure. Let's hope you stayed at a holiday inn express last night because you're not a doctor.

it's swollen but it doesn't look too bad right?

12 days out
For a few days I hobbled around but then it was feeling better and I don't have time for injuries.

Thank goodness for tape. Surely it will fix anything.

Please notice my foot has tape on it.

Back to training.

Does my foot hurt? Yes. Do I care? No.

So training hard is the only option.

7 days out
I'm concerned about the fact that my foot still isn't "better". But the swelling is down and the bruises are gone.

toes aren't supposed to be purple

I'm sure it's fine.

4 days out. Last hard roll. Last real training session. When I stepped off the mats I was pretty sure my foot was broken.

3 days out.
I call the orthopedist and make an appointment for the Tuesday after the long Memorial Day weekend.

Could they have squeezed me in tomorrow? I'm not sure. I didn't ask. I didn't want them to confirm what I suspected. As long as there was room for doubt I could compete.

"You're not going to tape your foot at the tournament are you?" -coach

I mean I was but I guess not now. Pretty sure the tape was only a placebo anyway.

Tournament day
10 matches! 10 matches. Some wins some losses. Not a bad day. I made some stupid mistakes but again, blue belt. That's pretty much a guarantee.

on the podium. 

Either way the foot felt pretty good. I was starting to think I overreacted by calling the doctor.

1 day after
"Whose coming to open mat?" -training partner

This chick is. Foot feels better and I want to try and work on the dumb stuff and hey, what else am I going to do on a Sunday?

2 days after
"Mom we're doing the MURPH right?"-Nat

 Of course we are peanut. Who says no to a kid wanting to honor a true hero and exercise?

squats squats squats

Please note I rowed instead of running because while my foot felt better running still wasn't an option.

3 days post Tournament
"Oh hey Doc."-me

That is for sure a broken foot so its a good thing I have a boot waiting in my car. I'll just slip into this sexy accessory.

"See you in 3 weeks."-me

boot at the pool. 

So to sum up I am a real-life superhero.

One last thing. If this sounds like one big brag it's this guys fault:

When you reinforce my bad choices with compliments it only feeds the beast. He did temper it with a dig about my mouth but whatever. Doesn't change the fact that you said something nice first. 

Mama Bear VS Sheepdog Mom

Moms want what's best for their kids. They want them safe to grow up and flourish. Live a better life than their parents. And when things don't go their way those same mom's, who cut the crusts off sandwiches and make homemade Halloween costumes, turn into fierce and dangerous Momma Bears.

The problem is that Momma Bear's claws and teeth aren't real. All roar and no bite.

Don't get me wrong lots of things in this world can be fixed with words and a strong backbone.

Momma Bears aren't a bad thing.

But there is something better. An option that does have teeth. An option that has claws and knows how to use them.

The world is complicated and sometimes the ability to defend yourself and those you love most is required.

Bears cannot be relied upon to attack when needed. Bears aren't Man's best friend.

That place of honor is held by the dog. (I don't want to hear about cats. That's crazy talk.)

So I don't want to be a Momma Bear I want to be a Sheepdog Mom.

I want to be your friend. I want to make you feel safe. But never for a moment doubt that if needed I have teeth and claws and I will use them to protect what's most important to me.

I know that in order to be a sheepdog I must first acknowledge that there are things in this world that are evil.  They are rare but they are still out there. At first, it's scary admitting there are things in the world that want to hurt you. But once you start to learn to be aware you realize you can avoid them.

It's liberating to know there isn't much you can't handle.

So who wants to be a sheepdog instead of a momma bear?

My favorite people have a sale going on right now. 

You know I have a favorite group and they want Mom's safe to so they have a discount code.

They have15% off the entire site now through Mother’s Day with code: SDRMOM

Another 365 days on this earth.

Next week I turn 43.

Forty-Three Years Old.

I should FEEL old. I should be slowing down right? Finding a nice relaxing hobby like knitting or fast mall walking. Maybe wear a lot more velour.

All of these are solid options.

FUCK THAT.

In the last month, I got to fight Tim Kennedy, I competed in a Crossfit competition and I signed up for the Ranger Up Grappling Tournament.

I have no plans to slow down. 

No plans to "go easy".

I wish I had found this purpose earlier in life but since I don't have a time machine that kind of thinking is useless so instead I'm just going to keep pushing forward. 

Keep striving to be better, faster, stronger, HARDER TO KILL.

So no pressure. No guilt. But if you're ready to join me let me know.

Like so many other things the first step is the hardest.

Sheepdog Training Part Deux

           From the day I finished the level one course I wanted more. I would have stayed forever just repeating the training over and over again if they would have let me in the most perfect version of Groundhog Day ever!!!

So when the amazing people at Sheepdog Response announced a level 2 class I was thrilled.

But before we get to how awesome the course was lets start at the end.

The moment three days of training is over and you feel a pit form in your stomach because although you are tired and sore you don't want to leave.

Surviving a difficult journey with a group of people forms a bond.

When you add to that the fact that we were all there with the same goal in mind it can be hard to walk away.

Then there are the instructors who so clearly have an intense desire to share their insane amount of knowledge.

I joked with another student about how we wanted this to be our life now. Wake up and train Self-defense, eat lunch then train weapons and Psy ops (is that what it's called?).

Like a real-life spy movie only better because I was the star.

It's hard to walk away from that unchanged.

When I went to the first class I already had a desire to be HARD TO KILL but I was unfocused and unsure about if what I was doing was enough or even the right thing.

I was so happy to realize I was doing exactly what I should be. Plus I got all kinds of tips for what needed more work. What I could be doing better.

I came back with a fire in my belly. With a renewed commitment to being the most badass mom on the block.

More than that though I realized there are a whole group of people who feel the same way.

A TRIBE.

That's the current vernacular.   That's what the kids call it.

Whatever you call it though that isn't the point.

The point is having people who understand what drives you and help you reach your goals. People who push you and offer advice to be better. People who understand your priorities.


I could write a 47 page paper about how much better I got in just three days of training, of what it feels likes to have some of the most deadly people on the planet compliment some tiny aspect of what you are doing.

Imagine Beyonce said you had a pretty singing voice?

Imagine Tom Brady said you had a good spiral?

These instructors are the BEST at what they do and they want to share that knowledge with you.

More than that though they want to help people.


Talking at the end of class with Tim Kennedy about what he was doing in the coming weeks he joked about going on a speaking tour to "make money" before he deployed again.  I countered with some comment about Sheepdog not making him a millionaire yet and we laughed. I could well imagine that between range time and travel, not to mention paying all the amazing instructors there probably wasn't much left over at the end of the day.

His response was so telling of a man that just wants to help make the world safer one person at a time.

"This is for my soul."

Think about that for a minute.   He is sharing his time and knowledge with as many people as he can because he genuinely cares. I guarantee if pressed the rest of the instructors would have a similar reason for being there.

Find people like this. Find them and learn from them.
Don't let anything get in your way. Don't let anyone tell you that you are too anything to give up on something important to you.

Side Note:
If you are reading this and you have questions or want to know more about this amazing group just ask. I will gladly tell you just how awesome I think they are and why you should take a class with them.

Never Quit

I attended Sheepdog Response's level 2 class this past weekend.

I'm working on a long post about how awesome it was but this is going to be short and sweet.

It was hard. Taxing both physically and mentally. What was amazing was how I felt physically.

Thinking back to a few years ago when a day at the zoo would leave me tired and achy. To a day when I would always chose the elevator/escalator/moving sidewalk over walking.

We did 3 days of almost 5 hours of hard physical work and I never got tired. Sure my heart rate went up and I was sweaty and breathing heavy but I never thought about how happy I would be when it was over.  I never looked at the clock counting the minutes till our next break.

Progress is SLOW and sometimes you feel like you aren't making any but don't quit.

If I can do this. You sure as shit can too.