Thursday, April 24, 2014

Ninja Resume

If you aren't already concerned for me you might want to rethink your stance.

I just spent the last hour getting out of a choke hold and a head lock.

Then I closed my eyes and waited to be attacked.

-Did you call the police?


-Why the hell not?

Because I paid for that.

-You might want to reread 50 Shades of Grey. You are confused about "rough play".

What? No! I paid because I just got out of Krav Maga class.

What is Krav Maga you say? 

AWESOMESAUSE that's what.
This is called a "facehug" I think. I haven't learned it yet.

Okay so maybe fighting some guy isn't your idea of a great Tuesday night but I think I have mentioned before that I'm not normal.

Since we moved to the South I feel like I am only adding to my Ninja Resume and not my real one. (That is a real thing. You don't know about it because the first rule of a Ninja Resume is.... Well you know.)

That's cool though because since I can't grow anything or operate on anyone I am going to need some marketable skills when civilization collapses and I guess protection is as good a racket as any other.

Remember the Bear? I guess I'm already building up a loyal customer base.

So if you need to go somewhere and pick up cabinets you bought from a guy on craigslist let me know. I'll go with you just in case.

On a serious note. Krav Maga is excellent for anyone looking for some self defense. Especially you ladies. It doesn't hurt to know how to defend yourself.

I Don't Like Bullies

But then again who does? So someone I follow posted this on their story and I immediately stole it. How could I not? Growing up in ...