3 Hour Tour

So I've mentioned in the past that I went to Boat College.

Obviously there are so many day to day practical applications when this comes in handy. I'd list them right now but you non boat college graduates would get bored and nobody wants that.

It also leads to request to "captain" someone else's boat. There was talk of this exact thing on one of our girl's night out but as it so happened the weather didn't cooperate and we were forced to drive to the restaurant like common folk.

This time though, mother nature was on our side as I arrived at the dock. There was some conversation about the "finicky" nature of the boat. An explanation of the "tricks" to get it to start.

Sure enough it didn't turn over the first time. As I had never been on this boat before I trusted said owner to advise me on the throttle, clutch and gear shift.

Sadly she was misinformed and that didn't help the situation. Eventually we got it started and headed out to sea. Ok we headed out to Lake but that just doesn't sound as good.

There was talk of anchoring near "invisible island". So named by the children because as you approach it you can't distinguish it from the mainland until you are right on top of it.

The anchor proved uncooperative (are you sensing a theme?) and we instead decided to "beach" it. That of course proved to be an easy enough task and we were soon settled and enjoying swimming, jumping and rolling in the sand.

We chit chatted with the other people who had also "beached" themselves. Basically it was a lovely day on the lake.

That held true right up until we needed to leave.  Some of you smart people might be able to guess what happened. But for everybody else don't worry. I'm going to tell you. That is the point of this blog after all.

It wouldn't start.

GASP!

I know I was shocked too. Luckily one of the nice people offered to tow us home. (People are so nice here it's very weird.)

Plans were made about how we would get off the island. How they would attach to us. How he would direct them to our dock.

What is it they say about plans? No battle plan survives first contact with the enemy.

I guess in this case the enemy was the sea (or the lake, whatever.).

Side note. Right now I can't stop thinking about George from Seinfeld telling the story about pulling the golf ball out of the whale's blow hole.

"The sea was angry that day. Like an old man trying to send back soup at a deli."

Back on point. No sooner did we leave the shore than the dog jumped off and tried to swim back to land. Yup! Luckily there was a group of campers. They weren't any help but one of their counselors was. He grabbed the dog and swam her back to the boat where I pulled her aboard.

The piece de resistance was of course that as we approached the dock I dove into the water with the rope in my teeth to the cheers of all the children. Okay I didn't have the rope in my mouth but just picture it? It would have been epic right? Maybe with some kind of harpoon in my hand?

I have no idea what this diagram is for but it's awesome.

The kids didn't cheer but they were impressed.

At the end of the day no one was hurt, nothing was damaged(the boat had a dead battery), and everyone had a fun day so all in all a successful adventure.

Win Win Win.

Surrealist

So I'm pretty sure I've talked about my love of weird and nerdy t shirts before.

Although according to some stupid style blog I am no longer allowed to wear ironic t shirts. (Screw you. I refuse to grow up, I AM NOT OLD.)

Whatever. They're not the boss of me.

That's why I bought this t shirt the other day.

So cool right?

You can get one here if you want to be as cool as me.

I'm guessing right about now you're confused. I'm guessing this because no one said anything about my weird shirt when I wore it.

Introspective moment: Is it possible that my weird t shirt obsession is just a thinly veiled cry for attention?     NOPE. That seems unlikely. Pretty sure that's what this blog is for. 

No one. Not even the amazing Triple S, who usually gets my weirdness.

So here comes the schooling (this is ironic because I'm talking about teaching you something while using poor grammar. That's funny 101 kids. So is explaining why something is funny.)

Salvador Dali had a pet anteater that he would take for walks!!

 Okay so that isn't why you might know him He was also kind a big deal in the art world.  Painted a bunch of 'melting' pictures that looked like they came straight from the mind of the kind of man who would have a pet anteater.

Pure crazy town. This one is called the Persistence of Memory because that makes total sense. He also hung out with Picasso! Picasso people! Oh and he has his own museum. Sure it's in Florida instead of Paris but I'm pretty sure it's still a big deal.


I had a poster of one of his paintings in my room at Boat College. Because when you wear a uniform every day and are only allowed one poster and one picture in your room you need to pick something that lets everyone know you are insane. Or at the very least borderline loopy. Dali is clearly the best choice to convey this message.

So there you go. Now go forth and put this knowledge to good use. Like getting another crown on Trivia Crack.

WTF Amazon!

Obviously Amazon is awesome. Especially if you have a prime account. The free movies and music are whatever. I have netflix I don't need your pity Amazon! But 2 day shipping?

Hell yeah!

Do I need this book/sneaker/sticker/coffee/charger/whatever thing? Maybe but it can be here in two days so ...... Yes please send it to me.


Back on point.

Did you guys know I LOVE obnoxious t shirts? Nerdy or weird or full of ridiculous fandom love.
I love them. I wear them to work and to the gym.

Most people who see me on a regular basis have noticed this about me.

It isn't unusual for someone to send me something like this on FB.

They come in the form of texts too.

 Usually Triple S is mentioned in the hopes that he will get creative and everyone will get cool new t shirts.

It's happened before.

These were all made by the amazing Triple S

This one is for our fantastic Alma mater!

OMG I am so far off topic. Not that this is shocking to you. Certainly this is something that is a regular problem.

Any who....... Origin story over!

I was on Amazon, amusing myself by looking at t shirts, and I decided to see if there was anything Krav Maga related.

WTF Amazon! Every thing, all the time, isn't about men. You sexist pig. I hate you!

Phew. Deep breaths. It isn't fair for me to judge Amazon like that. Let me change my search parameters.

Much better. Look at those pants. So cool.... Wait one minute. Did you just suggest I search for "women krav maga" in "men's boxing clothing"?

You're a misogynistic a-hole!

I'm never ordering anything again. I'm going to cancel my subscription. So not cool. It's time to take a stand. Just like Patricia Arquette did. Yeah! Girl Power!

Ohhhhh. How much is a box of Cadbury eggs? 

I was totally kidding about that stuff above. I'm just going to write an angry twitter post and get a hashtag started. #sexistamazon!

Lets do this ladies.

Socks

So I totally have a plan for this post but every single time I type SOCKS I remember this awesome late night TV infomercial about how easy it was to learn Spanish and part of the awesomeness was that if you spell the word socks out loud you are speaking Spanish. Of course I have no idea what it means but.....

Crap. Now I totally have to stop writing this to search the internet for the video.


I'm back and I couldn't find the infomercial but I did find this and now I know what SOCKS means in Spanish. Yeah! We are learning stuff.

I have no idea why she is drinking. Okay I have some idea but I need to get back to my point.

I vaguely remember I said I had one before I went into some crazy rambling tangent about Spanish Infomercials.

Oh Yeah! Socks.

So let's take a journey back to 1998. I was newly out of Boat College and my job was sending me every where, all over the globe.

My next assignment was in Alaska, in October! That's nice and sunny here in the South but up there it is already getting CHILLY! I was given a nice stipend to suit up. So off to the outdoor store I went.

I got a Carhart suit, some long johns, and those heated hand warmer packs. Sure I had gone skiing in Maine in February and SCUBA diving on Cape Cod in December.

I'd been cold but this seemed like it was going to warrant special equipment.

Oh yeah and one more thing. I got two pairs of socks. (look at me getting back to the point, high five!)

Thorlo extreme cold socks.

They were $15 a pair. Never in my entire life had I bought a pair of socks that cost even close to this. Despite the salesman's promise that they were indeed worth the price I was skeptical. That's a lot of money for a pair of socks!

I bought them though because my toes are always cold. ALWAYS.

Fast forward some large number of years later and I am sitting on my couch typing this wearing the socks.

The color has faded a bit but other than that they are as good as new. There are no worn patches. No sagging elastic. No holes. Nothing is wrong with them. They are seriously the best socks EVER. 

Today, here, in the South it is cold and rainy but my toes are nice and toasty.

I love you green socks. May you last another 16 (OMG I'm so old.) years.

Life is a Balancing Act

OMG she's about to get deep. Feelings might come out.


Sure you could infer that from the title but not to worry. This isn't that blog and I'm not that girl.

Perhaps you are aware of this but I have what some might refer to as a "fresh mouth". I've been called sassy, smart mouthed, sarcastic, frequently ridiculous and always flippant.

My first instinct is to make a joke and never to remain silent.

(This is so true that I once joked about my friend's father's passing less than a week later. Much to the horror of everyone else in the car.)

Each time before I open my mouth I weight the consequences. It might not seem like that but I really do. Sure sometimes I still make the wrong call and offend someone or hurt someone's feelings, but I did think about it.

Sometimes the consequences come back on me and I have to decide if I'm willing to pay them.

In high school I could pretty much mumble anything under my breath and remain untouched but then I decided to go to a military college with rules and regulations. Punishment for opening my mouth went from a stern lecture to push ups and extra work.

The good news was my arms were really strong. The bad news was that I really had to make sure opening my mouth was worth the punishment.

After that though I was on my own and the consequences pretty much went away. If you didn't like that fact that I was frequently, brutally, honest you could always choose to not be my friend.

The other night I was reminded again that there can be potentially painful consequences for calling someone out.  In Krav Maga I felt it was possible that the instructor might have been fudging his stop watch. His "10 seconds more." seemed a lot longer than they should have and not just because I was sucking wind.

Calling him out earned me and extra ten seconds of suckage but it was totally worth it.

Balancing acts require some give and take. I'll take an extra ten seconds of punishment every day if I get to speak my mind.


See how I brought that back around to the fact that today is the Fouth of July?

Freedom is an amazing thing. Make sure you are using yours wisely.

This photo is called irony. Just because you are free to do something doesn't mean you should.

Epic Teaching

The awesomest thing ever happened this week at work!

AWESOME I TELL YOU.

Please tell us what it is? We need to know.

Shhhhhhh. Be patient my pretties. All is due time.

We need to know. 

I'm going to tell you, golly. Just CHILL. (Did I just type 'golly'? I need to get out more.)

So as you might remember I teach preschool now. I'm entering my sophomore year and trying to avoid the slump. Testing out new songs and new crafts. I'm going to keep it fresh and make sure those kids love learning.

I do this by being silly and ridiculous. Also by mixing in bits and pieces of my old life.

Everyday we head up the stairs to enjoy the playground and some running around. Little kids are especially fond of this time of day and they have a tendency to rush up said stairs.

We remind them over and over again to go slow and hold the railing.

Yesterday after another round of repetition the tiniest of my charges piped up "One hand for the ship."

Now if you know what that means you are my kind of people.

If not.......

Ships pitch and roll. They aren't the stablest of platforms so when you are new the saltier souls remind you "one hand for the ship". It means you should always have a free hand in case you need to grab on to a railing quickly. I have borrowed this phrase to remind the kids to hold the railing when we are heading up the stairs.

It's going to get rough. You might want to hold on.

Told you it was EPIC!

Fact #476 About Me

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

I know what fighter pilots felt like when Top Gun came out!

Seriously, this is so freaking cool.

So here is the fact about me and why I'm overly excited about this movie.

I went to Boat College. Yeah that's a real place. Where you get actual college credit for learning how to tie knots and what is in a life boat.

Bailer
Bilge pump
Boat hooks
Buckets
Can opener

If you are reading this and you just finished my list with 'compass' then you know what I'm talking about. If you didn't, sorry you can't cheat by watching a marathon of Deadliest Catch. (Those guys are NOT my shipmates. They are insane lunatics with a death wish and serious impulse control issues.)

My shipmates include Captains of some of the largest vessels on the ocean, tugboats and cruise ships, port engineers and lawyers. Environmental clean up specialists and building managers for skyscrapers.

Boat school is surprisingly more versatile than you might think.

But none of that is important right now.

Mearsk Alabama was Captained by an Alumni of my school. Richard Phillips.

This isn't' like when some UNC grad finds another UNC grad. Thousands of kids go there and none of them have anything more in common than a piece of paper.

Massachusetts Maritime Academy is different.

Training Ship Patriot State

It's not a regular college.

We call them sea stories, although not all of them involve the sea.

Me (on the right) and my roommate about to initiate some pollywogs into Neptune's realm.

Stories of trips to foreign lands and insane feats pulled off under the normally watchful eye of a commanding officer. Stories about the mid watch or the hand rail cooling system.

Most of them make us laugh out loud while strangers listen in horror.

What is so funny about being made to stand with your flashlight on your head screaming "I'm a lighthouse." over and over again? Or about being woken up by a screaming man at 3 am to run into the ocean surf and then roll around in the sand fully clothed?

This is me dressed and ready for a lifeboat drill.

These things can't be explained.


 The point of this is when you are watching Shane Murphy be all hero like I want you to think about me yelling at him to swab a deck, or needle gun some rust. That was how he spent his freshman cruise.

Pretty sure that's why he didn't crack under pressure.

That or he comes from a good family that raised him to be an honorable man.

Nah. I'm taking credit. I was really good at yelling.

Was? Sorry, good point. I AM really good at yelling.

Bottom row all the way to the right, me.

“Sir/Ma’am. Mine is not to question why. Mine is but to do or die. Mine is not to

question how. Mine is but to do it now, Sir/Ma’am.”

Google ME

Have you ever googled yourself?

For the most part unless you are a celebrity this is a pointless endevor.

My name brings you a really boring list of my online accounts. Facebook, twitter, linked in (why do I still have that?)

There's some chick on youtube that posts fitness videos. Despite my recent insanity that is not me.

Another one in New Haven, Connecticut working in a radio station, also not me.

If you switch it up, using my nickname or maiden name you get a lot more of the same.

There is an article about Triple S and I doing college fairs A LONG LONG time ago.
Who knew the internet could remember that far back?  (Check pg 21)

For the low low price of 39.95 you can even check my criminal record. (I'll save you the money. I don't have one. Although you might want to splurge because it is my understanding that criminals aren't always honest.)

This is totally not me. Unless it is in the evil time line? Pretty sure I haven't killed anyone in this timeline yet. It's all very wibbley wobbley, timey wimey.




I totally just got sidetracked for like 20 minutes. If I was famous I would google myself into full on Howard Hughes crazy.

The point of this was people searching for this blog.

Sure most people just search for my name but every once in a while it gets interesting.

Someone searched "Veronica Douglas Nascar Driver"

How awesome would that be? 

I might add that to my experience on my linked in page. Maybe I'll get an offer? Sounds reasonable to me.