Thursday, September 27, 2012

Zumba (It's not just a late night infomercial)


This past Sunday was the Zumbathon.

Right now you might be thinking that I have mentioned that twice but still not explained it. To you I say two things. 1) thanks for reading this and 2) chill out. I'm getting to it.

Zumbathon (third time, please don't turn this into a drinking game) is the Fundariser Zumba runs for the Sunsan G Komen Foundation. A worthy cause. Breast cancer affects 1 in.........

Sorry this isn't that blog. We all know Cancer is BAD but if you need some uplifting story you are going to have to go elsewhere.

Here you get sarcasm and cynicism, probably some weird observations. Oh yeah and buckets and buckets of CRAZY.

So back to Sunday. On the infomercials everyone looks like they are having so much fun. Jumping and shaking their "money maker" (I'm sorry, I will never say that again). All wearing matching Zumba gear.

That's crazy.

Except that is pretty much how every class goes. Without the matching gear. That stuff isn't cheap!

3 hours is a lot longer than the 60 minutes we usually do. Like three times longer. (Math genius!) I was prepared though. I bought energy bars and jelly beans. Don't judge. They were energy jelly beans made by Jelly Belly and yes that is a real thing.
See, totally not made up.

Not to mention water. With the way I sweat it out I refilled my bottle 5 times. Crazy, and super gross. At the end my skin felt like I had spent the day at the beach, again gross.

I never said it was glamorous. I was jumping around for 3 hours!
This is the end of the day and be thankful this is from afar. And that you can't smell us.

The Zumbathon (I changed my mind about the drinking game but pace yourself! You're not in college anymore) was held at a gymnastic studio and the floor was all bouncy. I felt like Micheal Jordan! I had like a 7 foot vertical leap.

That's me on the far left. And yes I know I look awesome!

Okay maybe not 7 feet but it was 7 inches. At least. Seriously I was catching some air. For the first 20 minutes I was a crazy person and then I remembered I had committed to 3 hours! Bouncy floor or not I was going to need to pace myself. So I slowed down.

Me and some of the crazy ladies who thought 3 hours of Zumba was a good idea.

And thanks to the Jelly Belly jelly beans and the awesome music and instructors, I survived. I could barely lift my leg to get into the car but I did manage it. Sure I looked like a 90 year old lady with a bad hip but I was still moving. Of course when I got into the car I was terrified I wasn't going to be able to get out again once I got home. (In case you were worried I did manage to get out, it was slow but I did it without help.woo hoo!)

Monday I woke up and sat at the edge of the bed for ten minutes, afraid to try and stand. When I finally did convince myself I had no choice I was shocked to find I was fine. Seriously. Fine. It was crazy!

3 hours! and I was fine the next morning. Guess this working out thing is actually doing something.


I just realized that in the beginning I said Zumba was like the infomercials but without all the matching then I posted pictures and we are all wearing the same thing. I think that's called irony. Or just my lack of attention to detail. Either way. The pink shirt was to raise more money for boob cancer. So I got one.

Stop judging. It was for a good cause.

And even though I didn't talk about the good work of the Susan G Komen foundation...

Just in case.

Don't tell anyone I sent you. I don't need anyone knowing that I'm not an evil non feeling weirdo.

Friday, September 14, 2012

My D'Oh Moment

Yesterday morning started out like most days.

I got up. Got the kids ready and drove them to school.

Then since it was Thursday I headed over to the gym for Cardio Ballistic (not nearly as scary as it sounds).

After an hour and a half of sweating a few ladies and I headed over to Caribou Coffee to talk about dogs, daughters, no big whoop.

"I’m feeling a little vaklempt!"

Time passed pleasantly enough as we chatted about crazy families, road rage, kids and the theory of wave particle duality.  (we're smart ladies. It isn't always about shoes and purses.)

As the time came to leave we wandered over to our cars talking about one of the funniest books of all time. In my humble opinion.

As it happens I had gone to a reading and purchased a book for a friend. I even had it signed because I'm an awesome friend. Just, apparently not awesome enough to actually mail it to her.

 But I digress.

So as we were talking about Stanley the Magical Squirrel (seriously read the book.) I remembered the extra copy in my truck. I popped it open and pulled out my prize, sternly warning her not to let any harm come to the book so that I can mail it to my friend, cause I'm awesome like that.

The three of us stood there, the two of us who had read the book trying, and falling very short, to explain the hilarity found with in the pages when momentary distracted I closed the truck.

Crap! Crappy! Crap! Craptastic!(It's possible my language was a bit more colorful.)

In my hand was my wallet and my phone. Very glaringly missing though, was my keys.

You know. The pretty silver things that make the car go vroom vroom?

 Lets be honest. These are not my keys.
Mine have about 40 discount cards and a few home made trinkets attached.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

bees and explosions

I got a phone call today. My peanut was stung by a bee while she was on the playground. It was my first phone call from the nurse. Obviously she is fine. Sadly she has been stung before so no swelling up or trips to the ER for her.
Why do we make cartoons out of things that want to hurt us?

She did tell me all about the sponge in a bag she used as an ice pack. It was yellow in case you were curious.

Now for the explosions.

On the way home today Colin proceeded to go through an entire one man show in the style of a Steven Seagal revenge flick. Imagine Hard to Kill.  That was before he got all patchouli smelling, planet saving preachy.
that is going to hurt in the morning.

There was a lot of "And then ____ was like..."

Some exciting car chases that involved lots of police and explosions.

There was even a twist where some one's wife was killed but it was just fake. She was actually okay but hiding. (who saw that coming?)

Admittedly the narrative needs a little work but it wasn't bad for a first draft. (Plus he's only 8)

About ten minutes in he asked if I was tired since apparently I hadn't been showing the proper level of excitement at his story. After that I gasped a few times and added a few "No way"s he seemed sufficiently humored.

When we got home he asked if we could make it into a movie. Since I don't know Micheal Bay or the people who write checks for him I suggested a book.

We compromised on a comic. I'll let you know when it's ready for publishing.

Thursday, September 6, 2012


Stop what you're doing!

9 people in Russia are reading my blog.

Okay you can go back to your lives now.

That's all I've got. Just thought is was cool that I've gone INTERNATIONAL!

It's totally got to be this guy or my stereotypical world view will be ruined

Stay close by though just in case people from Australia start reading. I'm saving this image for future need.

that's not a knife! (you know you just said it with the accent in your head.)


Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Chuck Norris helped me be a better mom

If you are a fan of this blog then you know I love all things Chuck Norris.

Seriously. The guy is better than a super hero in my book.
That's got to  hurt.

To that end TripleS made me a Chuck Norris t shirt, of course the kids got one too.

When I was tucking Colin into bed the other night he asked me if Chuck Norris liked to fight. My first thought was hell yeah but then I remembered that my son is an impressionable 8 year old and maybe telling him that fighting is cool isn't the best parenting move ever.

So I paused for a moment thinking of a good way to explain it.

I settled on something akin to the spider man speech. With great power comes great responsibility.
I told him that while Chuck Norris is awesome, he only fights when he has no other choice. When someone is in trouble or when bullies are trying to hurt the weak.

Colin "just like Superman"

Me "yeah but without the flying."

Colin "kicking is cooler than flying"

My inner ninja rejoiced because hell yeah kicking is cooler than flying. Now if I could just convince him to sign up for karate with me.

Some of you might be thinking, hey what about Natalie? Girls can kick but too.
Hello? Cynthia Rothrock!
fire makes everything more BA

To that I say I'm working on it. Right now she is all about dancing, seriously how is she even my kid?

my "mouthy" daughter

 The other day at Jiu Jitsu some dads commented on my daughter's "back talk". "If I'd have talked to my mother like t...