Black Friday is Fun for Crazy People.

One of the best things ever happened on Black Friday.

Technically it was late Turkey Day but there isn't a name for shopping on a national holiday so it stays a Black Friday story.

Yes, I go shopping on this most insane of days. No, I have never fought anyone over a TV or a game station. I've never threatened anyone. Never even seen any of these events.

It's possible that is because I live in the middle of nowhere. It always seems those stories of insanity and homicidal shopping rage occur in much more heavily populated areas but I digress.

These are pics I found online because I was too busy trying to make sure my cart didn't run over any one's toes but it is an accurate representation.

The first stop with my shopping wing lady was Target. They had cordoned off the store to create a maze like path to keep the bottle-necking down to a minimum but it meant there was really no room to turn back if you missed something without creating a cart pileup.

Also they had $2 towels. Sure they weren't the softest of towels but I have two small children and my current towels and starting to look a little worn so $2 towels sounded like a great deal.

More online photos. There was a line like this outside of Target.

As I leaned over the GIANT bin of towels to grab a few in the colors I liked a friend came rushing over and grabbed the towel out of my hand. She screamed nice and loud and I responded in kind. Yelling at her but stopping short of name calling.

It was one of those times I wished I was being followed by a camera crew because the faces on the ladies around us were priceless.

The store was crawling with police so we didn't continue our amusing improv show. Instead choosing to hug and wish each other a merry Holiday and bon shopping.

Everyone wants $3 slippers.

CAbi (now I know what it stands for)

Last night I went to one of those home shows. You know, like a Tupperware party only for nice clothes.

They were seriously nice.

Classy even.

The consultant did a great job showing us all the pieces and putting them together in different ways while we made her job a challenge by calling out obnoxious things about the names or the sizes. (seriously there was a pair of jeans called the "baby boot" and a shirt called "keys please" it had keys on it.)

Before I continue and my snark comes out in full force I want to say how great almost everything was. (Except for the fuzzy vest. But hey, they can't all be winners.)

To their credit they didn't have the striped pants.

 Seriously if I was richer, skinnier, cooler, (insert your own excuse) I would have bought a lot of stuff.

As is usually the case with woman and wine we got louder and louder as the night went on. Niceties went out the window and everyone was some form of street walker. Or lady of the night, if your prefer. 

I tried on anything and everything I could squeeze into. Some of it looked nice while others ..... Hmm what's the word I'm looking for?

Redonkulous. Thank you Urban Dictionary.

I might have mentioned that I am exercising and trying to be a healthier person since we moved South. In total I've lost almost 80 pounds, which is awesome. High five for me!

seriously? Does someone need a diagram for this?

That doesn't change the fact that I am a "busty" girl. A real challenge in the dressing department. Some of you might remember the great bathing suit debacle of 2012?

If you too are a "busty" gal then you know there are rules to what you can and cannot where. In general anything with ruffles on the front is bad. It make your big bust look ridiculously large.

I tried to be understanding when the less endowed ladies suggested certain items. I played along and tried them on. In general I think you should never rule out anything until you've tried it on. You really never know. But by the time you are over 30, (cough cough, we don't need to talk about how much over) you should have some sort or general idea on what looks good on you and what doesn't.

I wasn't wrong.

I was however ridiculous. Sorry there will be no photos of my trying on things that I shouldn't have. Although I was fine with having the ladies laugh with me I'm not so confidant as to expose myself to the hundreds (okay dozens) of people that read this blog. Not to mention my Russian followers have very sharp tongues.

One last thing.

I have never been one to buy something based on size. If it fits, great.

This was the first time I wanted to buy a pair of pants just because of the tag. They were too tight, too plaid, and I have absolutely no need for them but they were two sizes smaller than the pants I was wearing.

Two whole sizes!

Apparently despite all my claims to be not normal I have some pretty normal girl moments occasional.

I'm gonna go do something weird to balance this out. Any suggestions?

Weekly Round Up

So it's Sunday and I thought I do a weekly round up.

Since I'm not super organized this will contain more than a weeks worth of stuff.
(Like you're surprised by this.)

Lets start with my lovely burn. Yes a burn from the shell casing of a .22.  

At this point Triple S is sighing and hanging his head. He's pretty used to my minor injuries. You might remember me saying something about being invincible but that never included minor injuries. Right now I have three burns and 4 bruise and I am only sure about where two of them came from.

That freaking thing is hot!

This is a week old. I'm guessing a scar is in my future.

 

This loveliness happened during a timed exercise at the range. Had it been longer than 10 seconds I might have put down the gun and pealed it from my skin but...

Next we got to drive to Greensboro to put Triple S on a plane to head back to the boat. A Corpus Cristi crew change. He was thrilled.  Will they never be able to get eggs onboard again?

Next I got to take two children shopping from My brothers upcoming wedding. A dress For Natalie was accomplished in 10 minutes. Honestly I have never enjoyed such an easy shopping excursion.

It's pretty and blue and she will look sweet in it.

Now for a suit. Colin wanted a tux but I thought I suit would be a better choice. 4 stores later and more than $100 and he has everything he needs to look extremely handsome.

 It was hell.

I thought Hell would have more flames? Maybe a spit or two?

Not litterally hell. And not even Hell on Earth. But it was bad.

The poor kid had to try on more pants than I cared to count. He was good for a while but it wore him down.

Colin's suit is bigger than this. Like by almost 50%.

I've been told you can rent a suit. Seriously. Why did I not know about this?

Next was the best part of the week.

We've had thunderstorms almost every night this week. Nothing horrible. Just some pretty lights in the sky and some loud booms.

Last night we got more rain but as a break it was fireworks free so we took advantage of it. The kids and I running in the driveway until we were soaked to the bone.

There was much giggling.

 Then they took a rest.

Happy Children.

All the running and the laughing made it easier to black out the shopping.

I feel the memory slipping away.

Hopefully the nightmares have gone too?

Lowes, You Magnificent Bastard.

About a week ago I was discussing my love of fresh mozzarella cheese and lamenting it's cost. (for some reason they charge you like it has gold in it.) I explained that I use it in my go to picnic fare.

Tomato and mozzarella salad. A little fresh basil, some olive oil and some Balsamic vinegar and it's freaking delicious! Seriously simple and fantastic.

I stole this image from the internet since I didn't make it just for the sake of this blog.

 A few days later she sent me a link to make my own fresh mozzarella.


I checked it out.

Then I checked it out again, and printed it.

Then I started shopping.

There were two items on the list that I didn't have in my pantry. Rennet and citric acid. The rennet was easy enough to get at my regular grocery store, the citric acid was another story.

I tried every local grocery store and then started scouring the internet. What else could it be used for? Would a different kind of store have it?

I found mention of it being used in beer making so I tried the local homemade beer supply store and they looked like I was insane. I was going to try the whole foods place but since it is so far away I called first.

Good thing. They didn't have it either.

Finally I gave up and ordered the dam thing off the internet. It will be here Thursday.



Then today I stopped into Lowes to get something completely unrelated to cheese making and there it was. Tucked in with the bug killers and the patio furniture.

CITRIC ACID, apparently its for canning and not for body disposal.

So what I'm saving is I will be making fresh mozzarella tomorrow and I really hope it goes well because now I have a lot of citric acid and I have no intention to start canning, zombie Apocalypse not with standing.

I'll let you know.

On a side note the South is a funny place.

Also at Lowes were numerous squirrel feeders:

What is that all about? Up North we try our best to get rid of them.
Unless it's just to draw them closer?

Ah ha, well played South. Well played. I won't underestimate you again.

Dante's Inferno

 

They say the 9th circle of hell is the one reserved for betrayers. I'm not about to argue with that but I would like to know who I betrayed?


You might be asking yourself why it is that I think I'm in hell. (Excellent question by the way.)

3 words.

Bathing Suit Shopping.

Now one might think that this year would be less stressful than last since I've lost weight and am working out. You'd be WRONG. Horribly Horribly wrong.

This year the nightmare is being caused by my top half. Which despite my shrinking size has refused to follow suit. (Triple S is glad for this.)

I just want a suit that will allow me to chase after my kids without the fear of a wardrobe malfunction without having to get one that looks like it's 1920.

Is she wearing tights?

 I've already been to 4 stores and spent way too  much time online. Maybe I just wont go swimming at all this summer?

That doesn't seem like a real option so I'm off again. Fingers crossed today I will have success.