Monday, November 24, 2014

Trans Siberian Orchestra

I'm not a huge concert goer.

There aren't many performers that I like that are worth the price.

I hate crowds and rudeness and then you have to find someone that loves the same crap to go with you. It's a whole thing. Usually, I just sing along really loudly in the car and that gets me my music fix.

I do like different things though so when someone suggested we go see the Tran Siberian Orchestra I thought it would be fun.


We all hear this song at Christmas and it is pretty awesome. Surely a whole concert of rocking orchestral Christmas music will be fun?

Of course, that was before I got there.

I guess it shouldn't come as a shock that every group has groupies but I still was when the family wearing matching TSO t-shirts and denim jackets walked by.

It was a Christmas show so I figured there would be Christmas music. (Logic always gets me into trouble) I guess that is what they were playing but it was their own music and I had never heard any of it before. Not a single note.

Remember earlier I mentioned that song that we all like? In the THREE hour concert that was the only one I recognized.

What I got instead was back up singers who more closely resembled pole/go go dancers just with more clothes on. Weird hair flipping by guys who were confused about the fact that it wasn't the 80's anymore and a discount Morgan Freeman narrating the worst story ever told in Dr. Seuss like rhymes about a kid finding a box in the attic filled with really random letters.

It was weird. Seriously weird. Like a grandma-approved rock concert.

Did you know that double neck guitars still exists? Me neither but here's your proof.
For some reason, this guy did this a lot. Lifted up his guitar to show it to the audience. It was like he didn't want us to forget how cool it was or maybe he needed to work on his biceps?

I know it was a laser light show but I don't think this guy's ego needed this. Based on the amount of hair flipping and intentional growling.

One more thing. Did I mention the super weird video that played on the big screen that looked like a super bad version of 1980's Dracula complete with girls dancing by candlelight in virginal white dresses? Because there was totally one of those.

Sure there was more. A lady singer with a guitar that, based on her hand movements, I'm pretty sure could only play one cord. A fantastic retro 1994 screensaver featuring dragons climbing on a castle.

I could go on but this is the Internet and our attentions are short so I'll just end with the fact that I did have a good time mostly because I was out with my fellow Krav Maga classmates. I was also pretty sure if a full-scale riot occurred we were going to full on RULE the world.


Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Christmas Shopping

Normally I hate people who rush the holidays.

When I see Christmas decorations up in October I get very annoyed.

But I'm going to break my own rule because I was out and about the other day and came across some fantastic items that would be perfect for that special someone on your list.

Unicorns aren't just for little girls. This fantastic family, complete with bastard Pegasus, would look perfect sitting next to your fancy lawyer's desk lamp.

For the political buff that has everything. Who doesn't want a plate to commemorate the McCain Obama debate from 2008? Remember when McCain asked "Are you afraid I couldn't hear him?" when the moderator kept telling Obama to talk directly to McCain?

How about this adorable creature. For the person who has outgrown stuffed animals but still loves cute and cuddly dead animals. Everyone knows marsupials make the best friends.

Check out this old family photo. Maybe you were adopted or you come from a bunch of nomads. This guy would lend an air of importance to your office and that made up family story about you being a third generation Judge.

What about that friend who always makes a New Year's resolution to lose weight? It will be so much more fun stepping on this every morning instead of some boring old plain white digital scale.

What about those empty nestors? This handsome little guy will make the loneliness easier to handle. He'll make sure you know you are loved, and watched, every minute of everyday. Sleep tight.

This is the ultimate power painting for that corner office you've been eying since you started with the company 5 years ago. They say you should dress for the job you want. That goes for art too. That "hang in there." kitty poster screams middle management but this winged man riding a Pegasus (is he the reason the unicorn daddy drinks?) says you are vice president material.

Sure people are afraid of clowns but that is because they have never meant this subtle and suave guy. He doesn't throw banana cream pies at you or squirt water into your face from a flower. He is all about Kierkegaard and James Joyce.

Last but not least this guy. Imagine how quickly your house will be added to the local garden tour with him as your centerpiece. You will be the envy of every house frau in the PTO.

So yeah. Maybe it's a little early to start getting crazy but you'll thank me later when you aren't wandering about the mall on Christmas eve looking for one last present.

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Bloggin is Like a Dysfunctional Family

So blogging in general is very much like a crazy inbred family.

Bloggers comment on other blogs in the hope of getting more views to their own page. Who then in turn comment back on the comments and it goes round and round until someone ends up with flipper hands. While this can be entertaining it's also a little crazy.

Along that line I have been nominated for the One Lovely Blog award. This isn't to say that this isn't sweet. It's actually pretty awesome that people not blood related to me or being held at gunpoint are reading this blog.

So Thanks internet. You guys are the bomb.

Here Are The Rules:

1. You must thank the person who nominated you and include a link to their blog.
Thanks!   White Girls Be like... Check
2. You must list the rules.
Double check!
3. You must add 7 facts about yourself.
See below Check!  (also I take this to mean stuff I haven't already revealed on my blog right?)
4. You must nominate 15 other bloggers and comment on one of their posts to let them know they have been nominated.

1. Triple S gets tops billing
2. everyone needs a ginger in the mix
3. I shouldn't need to explain this at all!
4. male and snarky.
5. This chick is crazy in the best way.
6. pintrest nightmares and real life mommy drama
7. because of my unhealthy love of Doctor Who
8.  her kids are more insightful that me
9. because she loves RDJ
10. once she talked about finding poop in her hotel room and I nearly wet myself
11. there is wine and ninjas

Crap this is a lot of BLOGs to follow!

12. I feel like I know her in a soul sister way. Not a SWF way.
13.  Apparently I don't follow enough BLOGS.
14.  I feel like a failure to the BLOG community.
15.  I have brought shame to this dojo!

5. You must display the award logo and follow the blogger who nominated you.
Done and Done!

7 Facts About Me:

1. Although I consider myself a "city girl" I could never, ever go back to living in one.

2. I like liver and onions (I have the refined palate of an 80 year old).

3. I let my kids pick my costume every year for Halloween (past years include a vampire, Darth Vader and Luigi)

4. I've watched Jaws and Ghostbusters so many times I can recite almost every line.

5. I never, ever follow a recipe exactly.

6. I love Taylor Swift's song "shake it off", I don't care that she is half my age. (almost)

7. My first concert was Paul Simon in Central Park in 1991.(Rhythm of the Saints is one of my all time favorite albums.)

All right kids. Time to post this and get to notifying some awesome bloggers.

See you on the internet.

my "mouthy" daughter

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