Sunday, April 28, 2013

Old life vs New life

I went to lunch the other day with my "gym rat" (this is what triple S calls them) friends after a great workout. We were sweaty and smelly and smiling.

Word on the street is I'm getting this on a t-shirt.
Part of me feels bad when I do this. I'm not pretty post workout. It might actually ruin some one's lunch.

Who am I kidding. I don't care if their meal is ruined. I'm selfish like that.

After a little while another group of smiling ladies came in. They were wearing suits and heels and although I didn't check I would guess they smelled much nicer than I did.

While my ladies talked about protein shakes and the "insanity challenge" I couldn't help but remember a time when my conversations revolved around process management and synergy.

I sat at a desk all day and counted the minutes till coffee break with my fellow cubicle dwellers. I don't want it to sound all bad. I liked my job. I was good at it. I liked the mental challenge. Sometimes I even liked the problems.

This photo is sucking the life out of me.
There is something very liberating about yelling at a trucker with less than family friendly language.

But that is all done now. I stay home. For the most part. I have a job but it is much less that 45+ hours a week and I don't get to yell at anyone anymore. I do get to put them in time-out though, not sure it that is the same or not?

 Where was I going with this?

Oh yeah. Old vs New.

I'm not going to say which is better and make feminists or home makers angry. I don't need that kind of grief.

It's just different.

F-IT! This life is much better.

Let the feminist rants commence.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Watch out Russia, Japan is catching up.

Remember when I got all excited that Russians were reading my blog?

Of course you do.

You study and read this blog with a religious fervor usually reserved for SAT prep or Jeopardy contestants.

Well those Crazy Cossacks better start clicking more often because Japan is hot on their tails.

1904 political cartoon, you can seriously find ANYTHING on the internet.

So ありがとう Japan.


Попробуйте больше Russia!

(all translations done with Bing. In case there was some doubt about my multi lingual skill level)

Friday, April 12, 2013

I'm not sure I was the right choice for the job.

So you guys are aware that I teach preschool these days. (Adding this to my resume makes it seem like I have a multiple personality disorder.)

Sometimes around town I run into some of the little kids under my expert tutelage.

This week I had three such encounters.

1) "Hey I just saw Miss Ronnie playing soccer and she knocked down someone."

Not necessarily a bad statement until you qualify it with more details. I was coaching my 8 year old son's team. Yes, that is right. I shoved an 8 year old to the ground. I don't care if your only 4 feet tall. I'm not going to loose.

2) "We saw you driving. Mom said you went fast." This woman is married to a race car driver.

I might have mentioned before that I'm an 'aggressive' driver. That I like to go fast. I don't speed as much any more because I have kids so instead I just treat every green light and stop sign like it's a drag race.

I think I should be relieved that there was no mention of my singing.  It's LOUD and I roll the windows down. I don't care about the ridiculous amount of pollen in the air right now.

3) At lunch yesterday after the gym I saw a familiar little girl. I smiled and waved and she ran SCREAMING over to her mom. Everyone stared and suddenly the mom peaked her head around the corner. Luckily she recognized me and the little girl calmed down enough so that we could understand what she was saying. "I saw my teacher."

This was all before the police were called and an amber alert was issued.

Teachers don't really talk about their kids or their jobs. It's kind of like Doctor/Patient privledge but with crayons, but I still think this is a weird week right?

Despite my weird obsession with Julie Andrews I am no Mary Poppins.

Did I mention I taught my students "Snitches get Stitches" last week?

Thursday, April 4, 2013

How I spent my Spring Break

Lets start with a little multiple choice.

Is this:

A) The worlds most expensive popcorn kernel.
B) The reason we didn't see dinosaurs or go swimming.
C) The thing my daughter shoved in her ear.
D) All of the above.

If you picked D you would be correct.

What? Why would a five year old shove a corn kernel in her ear?  I have no idea.

What I do know is that sometime Monday night she found this item in the playroom and put it in her ear. Of course she didn't say anything till I got home from the gym Tuesday morning.

Natalie: Mom I have to whisper something to you.

Me: What Nan? (I lean in close. Not that I need to. Natalie doesn't whisper as much as she Drunk Whispers.)

Natalie: There's a nut in my ear.


So I pull her into my bathroom and sure enough I can see something pushed in there. After a quick poke with tweezers I accept that this is beyond my skills and call the pediatrician. Of course they can only see me if I can get there in 15 minutes.

I've talked about my sweatyness before. It's not good. But I have no choice.We run out the door.

After two minutes the pediatrician agrees that  "that sucker is really in there" and we head home with a trip to the ENT scheduled for later. (Ear Nose and Throat, in case you have been lucky enough not to have had any use for a specialist.)

Now we are on doctor number 2 and attempt number 3 to get this thing out of her ear. Sadly this guy can't do it either and he even has a high tech ear vacuum. 

There is some brief discussion about "holding her down" while he just grabbed the dam thing.

The majority of me wanted to say hell yeah! It would serve her right if it hurt. Plus our next step was a surgical center and anesthesia! In the end though, non evil mom won out and we left with a prescription for ear drops based on the guarantee that this thing would cause an infection (Natalie's FIRST).

In case you are keeping track. We have now visited 2 doctors. (40$ co pay x 2) and we are heading to the pharmacy for drugs. ($10 co pay).

So we wait another day and then wake up obscenely early and head to the surgical center. The same one that we went to in January. You might remember the Great Appendix adventure

We arrive an hour early as instructed and they take us back. Questions are asked and then re-asked. Vitals and checked and rechecked. No less that 6 nurses introduce themselves to us and check Natalie's ID bracelet.

Finally they wheel her back. I walk to the waiting room. Pour myself a cup of coffee and sit down. I pull out my book to relax and wait for news.

I read one page.

I got a cup of coffee and read ONE page and the doctor came out. 

When I walked back no more then 10 minutes after leaving this is what I was greeted with:

 The nurses commented that she was the first kid to wake up with a smile.

I might want to choke her if she wasn't so awesome.

This is how I wanted to spend my Spring break:

Mini Golf with all my Blondes.

my "mouthy" daughter

 The other day at Jiu Jitsu some dads commented on my daughter's "back talk". "If I'd have talked to my mother like t...