Wednesday, July 27, 2016

arachnophobia, not the movie

Super quick post.

There is a spider not of this earth on my gutter.

You know how Australia is always talking about all the the crazy shit that can kill you?

We laugh and breath deep. Resting easy in the knowledge that the list of murderous creatures in North America is short and most are pretty easy to avoid.

Don't want to get eaten by a shark?

Don't go in the ocean.

Don't want to get eaten by a bear?

Don't go in the woods.

Simple solutions to stay alive.

Sure every once and while someone posts a video of a moose trying to attack a car but mostly we have an agreement with our animal population. You stay out of our cities and we won't shoot you and mount your head on our walls.

Forget about bugs. We have maybe three or four that anyone has to worry about.

Three or Four.

Mostly it's just those asshole wasps. You know the ones that contribute nothing but will sting you for looking at them funny?

Yeah those guys are dicks!


Right now there is a prehistoric spider on the gutter of my house.

We will be employing a live and let live attitude as long as he agrees to stay at least ten feet from my porch. This isn't a binding agreement as he refuses to sign the documents I had drawn up but I think he gets that I'm serious. I was holding a flip flop during our negotiations and although I didn't say it out loud he knows what I will do with it if he forces my hand.

Sunday, July 10, 2016


Behold! I am about to have my first old lady rant.

Sure I know I'm not really old. I wasn't fishing for compliments.

        Although I also won't stop you from giving them if that is the kind of mood you're in today.

I went to a wedding last month. My youngest brother got married. No blog post about that though because as far as fodder for my crazy it was barren. In other words it was a perfectly lovely wedding with lovely speeches and dancing and smiling, happy people.

There was a guy playing the drums along with the DJ. YES JUST DRUMS. But I was informed by younger people that this is common now. Being out of the wedding circuit I wasn't aware so I guess I will just have to take their word for it.


That was a serious sidetrack. Although since I was mentioning about how I don't know what the cool kids are doing these day because I'm old it kind of fits with the overall theme right?


In getting ready for the wedding I was trying to figure out what my kids should wear. Obviously Triple S would be wearing a suit. It was a wedding for Pete's sake!!

We aren't SAVAGES!!

I got to talking about clothing and what is appropriate for what. Like job interviews or Broadway shows or Thanksgiving dinner. This all started because some 'kid' (he was probably in his 20's) was teaching a parkour class in jeans. WTF?

Apparently they were special jeans and he could still jump and flip in them, or whatever else you are supposed to do in parkour besides be insane.

But he was still 'interviewing ' for the coaching position. Hence the talk about interviews.

Now obviously this kid shouldn't be wearing a suit but shouldn't he look like he was ready to exercise?

Jeans, no matter what kind of special ones they are, just seemed weird.

Then I started talking about how when we go to a wedding Triple S won't take his jacket off until the groom does. It's protocol or some other such sign of respect.

Pause for me to look this up on the internet. 

Holy crap that was boring. So I couldn't really find anything beyond Yahoo Answers and that is like checking web MD. Everything ends with Cancer.

Either way Scott has always done this.

I know times change but I guess I just think certain things are important.

Then again people used to dress up to fly and the idea that not only would I be sausaged in a tiny seat with strangers but also forced to wear uncomfortable shoes with them is tantamount to waterboarding.

(I've never been waterboarded but I have flown on a FULL flight with a FUCKING chicken!!!)

I guess not all change is bad.

Old Lady rant OVER. Flip flops for everything!!!

my "mouthy" daughter

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