100, One Hundred, C

This is my 100th Blog post.

Who knew I had that much random crap in me to share with the masses?

On TV they make a big deal out of 100 episodes. They pretend it's because the show has lasted so long but really that's the magic number that makes syndication possible.

 

Syndication is where the real money in TV is. Or so I've been told. It's not like I have my own talk show. Although if someone wants to put that into production I would be %100 percent on board. It would have to be cable though. Sure I'm a preschool teacher but it would be pushing my luck to be on TV during the family hour.

I hear the FCC is pretty hardcore about some words being said on the air.

Back on point.

(Have you ever noticed that I stray from the point A LOT?)

100th post. It's special because 100 is a big number.

Right now 3 of my posts have exactly 100 views. (not sure how many are spambots. It's not my fault that my target demographic is Russian robots.) 1 2 3

My most read blog post to date is about Me and Captain Phillips.

My least read is taking the kids to see Big Time Rush. (We did make is back from the Wedding in time although it was the night before Natalie's first day of Kindergarten, I'm sure she had a great first day. Only babies need more than 6 hours of sleep.)

FB is still the main way people get here despite my Twitter/instragram/email campaign!!! I can't afford a Superbowl commercial people. Help me out.

It is also the only way people comment!!! Don't you want to comment directly on my blog that way strangers think I'm more popular that I am? Seriously Please! Comment on my blog, it brings me such joy. Don't you want to bring me joy?


The weirdest way someone found my blog was Tuxedo Ken doll. SCARY!
This week though, someone arrived here by typing "everything with fries blog", is that a real thing? Does someone write about about having fries with everything? Because that is genius!



So for my 100th post I have nothing new for you. Just recycled crap which is perfect because it is the
end of the year and everyone else is doing "year in review" crap so why not me too?

Because they actually have exciting things to recap. (you can shut up now voice in my head!)




Bonus points to anyone that knew C was the roman numeral for 100.

Why did you buy the Turbo Engine?

I live in the South now but I learned to drive in New York. Practiced in Boston and mastered my skills in New Jersey. (I have parallel parked a Tahoe in Manhattan.!)

I'm not a polite driver. I have a bit of a lead foot. I occasionally treat red lights like a drag strip. Nothing ridiculous, no 128 in a 45. I leave that to the professionals.

I dread any conversation that starts with "I saw you driving the other day."

Of course none of this makes me drive any nicer but at least I know I'm crazy right? That's got to count for something. Seriously. That counts right?

Whatever.

Back on point.

There are a lot of weird things about North Carolina driving. For one the parking lots are confusing and have so many dead ends they all kind of feel like a trap. Another is most drivers refusal to use lanes that will eventually merge.

Do you see the two red arrows? The inside lane ends in about 1000 feet. There will be 30 cars lined up on the outside lane and no one will use the inside lane. I routinely use this lane and pass 30 cars. It feels shady but there is a reason that lane is there.

There is even a sign specifically for this. All 50 states use it.

It's called a merge. Seriously.

That isn't what this is about though.

You know how they say your children learn from what you do not what you say?

Yeah well....

Colin was in the car with me and we were at the above pictured intersection. Of course I was in the merge lane. There was however, one car in front of me. When the light turned green the car proceeded to go but very slowly.

I happened to notice that she had purchased the turbo version of her car and I might have commented that is was a waste as the car was going so slow.

Colin was of course curious as to what a turbo was.

Being the good Mom that I am I explained to him what the difference between a normal engine and a turbo charged engine was.

He thought about it for a moment before turning to me.

Colin -"We have the turbo, don't we Mom?"

Me -"Heck yeah we do buddy."

This is probably why Triple S has said he will be the one teaching the kids to drive.

Black Friday is Fun for Crazy People.

One of the best things ever happened on Black Friday.

Technically it was late Turkey Day but there isn't a name for shopping on a national holiday so it stays a Black Friday story.

Yes, I go shopping on this most insane of days. No, I have never fought anyone over a TV or a game station. I've never threatened anyone. Never even seen any of these events.

It's possible that is because I live in the middle of nowhere. It always seems those stories of insanity and homicidal shopping rage occur in much more heavily populated areas but I digress.

These are pics I found online because I was too busy trying to make sure my cart didn't run over any one's toes but it is an accurate representation.

The first stop with my shopping wing lady was Target. They had cordoned off the store to create a maze like path to keep the bottle-necking down to a minimum but it meant there was really no room to turn back if you missed something without creating a cart pileup.

Also they had $2 towels. Sure they weren't the softest of towels but I have two small children and my current towels and starting to look a little worn so $2 towels sounded like a great deal.

More online photos. There was a line like this outside of Target.

As I leaned over the GIANT bin of towels to grab a few in the colors I liked a friend came rushing over and grabbed the towel out of my hand. She screamed nice and loud and I responded in kind. Yelling at her but stopping short of name calling.

It was one of those times I wished I was being followed by a camera crew because the faces on the ladies around us were priceless.

The store was crawling with police so we didn't continue our amusing improv show. Instead choosing to hug and wish each other a merry Holiday and bon shopping.

Everyone wants $3 slippers.

Traditionalist

In general I am a holiday traditionalist.

No talk of Turkey until after the costumes.

Christmas music is Never Okay until after the turkey has been cleared away.

I usually don't even start Christmas shopping until Black Friday. Although that has more to do with the sales than the timing. I can be a bit of a procrastinator.

Sadly this year I was forced to break my rules.

Last year you might remember Triple S was gone for both Thanksgiving and Christmas. Great news being he will be home this year. Of course he has to go back to the boat Friday morning.

Now you might be thinking Blah Blah who cares about when he is going to the boat?

But I have a point to this boring information.

Today we went tree shopping and if you are going to go tree shopping then you need to have Christmas music. It's the law and it trumps the rule of Thanksgiving.

You might remember last year we got a GIANT tree. Sadly though, we moved and our new house doesn't have that ridiculous ceiling. (YEAH!!) So instead of getting a giant tree I got two. That seemed like the only logical solution to the ridiculous amount of ornaments I've collected over the years.

Downstairs Tree

Upstairs Tree

So Christmas started a bit early here.

Now I have to go write down my Black Friday shopping list. Yeah, I wake up early and brave the crowds. As if you needed more examples of my crazy.

Applesauce is why Triple S is my Perfect Match

reader-Do you try and make your titles confusing?

me-That doesn't sound like something I'd do.

reader-Are you sure because sometimes we feel like you are just messing with us? I mean what does applesauce have to do with your husband? Wait, maybe this isn't a question we want answered?

Relax. You people have such dirty minds (one of the reasons I love you so much). This is a totally PG story. Maybe even G.

New cars now have the digital radios that display the radio station and the song you are listening too. No more having to try and catch the DJ telling you who it is.

Sorry but I had to enlist an outside photographer as I was driving and although there are no celebrities telling me not to take pics and drive I'm still pretty sure it's unsafe. Possibly even illegal.

 The first time this song came on I was certain it said APPLESAUCE. I thought that was weird but then I noticed it was a Lady Gaga song and well, that lunatic wore a dress made out of meat. When you think about that a song about applesauce doesn't seem that far fetched.

It was a few days before I realized the real name of the song. No harm no foul. Pretty sure Lady Gaga is still a lunatic.

A week later Triple S and I were in the car together and the song came on again.

Triple S-Lady Gaga loves applesauce?

Me- What?

Triple S-She wrote a song about applesauce.

I laughed and laughed and laughed. Then I explained to him how this proved he was my soul mate.


 

Fry Everything!

I try to eat healthy.

I even like it most of the time. Seriously, I'm a fan of spinach.

I've mentioned in the past though that despite my best intentions, nothing is as good as a brownie.

Today my wonderful family went the Balloon Festival.

It was a rainbow explosion.

It was fun. Although there was this really annoying thing where you had to wait in line to buy tickets before you had to wait in line to use the before mentioned tickets to buy food. But I'm not going to get into that right now because the assbackwardness of it will give me a headache.

The launching of the Balloons. Rudderless flying machines.

After enjoying some delicious grape leaves (see healthy by choice) we watched as all the balloons started to inflate themselves. Triple S had a few tickets left so we decided to indulge but since we only had 5 tickets and I wasn't about to wait in the ticket line again we had a limited selection for our indulgence.

We settled on FRIED BROWNIES. Yeah you read that right. Fried brownies.

That's disgusting! I would never eat that.

Well then you will be missing out on the closest thing to ambrosia us mere humans can have. Seriously I think I saw Apollo in line in front of me. Or it could have been Hermes.

Placing bets on who would launch next.

Based on this experience I'm going to take out my fryer and everything is going into it. Seriously. Everything. I'll let you know how my experiments go.

PS Please note that the nerd in my couldn't resist using Greek gods after eating Greek food. Yeah, I'm really that insane.

PPS it took 2 FULL HOURS to get out of the parking lot. I love you NC but you people seriously need to nut up and merge! Stop being so dam nice and get your car out there.

I love these ridiculous little monsters.

Did you know that I like the Yankees?

Yeah well I do. And not just because they're awesome and I'm awesome so obviously we are a match made in heaven. I've loved them since I can remember.

You remember in the 80's when they were awful? Yeah I still loved them. Of course it's possible I loved them more when they were winning but it's hard to be sure. Plus I don't like to think I'm the kind of person that would feel that way. Totally not cool.

Why are you telling us about your love for a sports team?

Excellent question.

I'm telling you because Triple S was watching his favorite team in the play-offs.

Before you ask it's the Red Sox and no I don't want to talk about it. He can't be perfect.

Now I'm not bitter about the Yankees having a sucktacular season but that doesn't mean I'm about to start enjoying the Red Sox playing. I seriously don't I hate them. Not because they are my favorite team's epic rival but because they don't understand word definitions.

That's a weird reason to hate a team.

Yeah it is. Still it's is a reason.

uniform

1.identical or consistent, as from example to example, place to place, or moment to moment: uniform spelling; a uniform building code.

2.without variations in detail: uniform output; a uniform surface.

3.constant; unvarying; undeviating: uniform kindness; uniform velocity.

4.constituting part of a uniform: to be issued uniform shoes.

5.Mathematics . occurring in a manner independent of some variable, parameter, function, etc.: a uniform bound.

I want you to concentrate on definition #1.

Short pants and a scruffy beard. NO!

Long pants and another beard! NO NO!

Please read above again. It's called a uniform for a reason. And it isn't just because they liked the way the word sounded. 

Did you know Steinbrenner had a dress code? or a hair cut code? Not sure what he called it. 

 

Yeah. George did that. After the Red Sox won the world series they did spots on lots of TV shows including a makeover one. A few of the players got haircuts and new wardrobes but they were not allowed to touch Johnny Damon's hair. Of course all that changed after he joined the Yankees.

So I don't care if it's no shave November even though it's October. Get a haircut you Hippies! You're on a team, you can express your individuality after you choke and the season is over.