I can't....

Sure we are never supposed to say we can't do something. That is the thing we repeat over and over again to each little special snowflake, but the reality is there are somethings we can't do.

Okay maybe shouldn't is a better word.

Yeah, lets go with shouldn't.

YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.

Why are we talking about this you might be thinking? A perfectly reasonable thing to think since as of right now I've given you no context or background and maybe you're starting to think I've finally snapped and sure that is possible but not likely right now.

Right now I'm talking about this because I got a massage today.

A very special treat I only indulge in about once a year.

As usually it was awesome but it got me thinking.

Masseur is NOT the job for me.

Not because I don't want to touch other people. Nope. Although I can admit that isn't that appealing. Instead it's because my hands are ALWAYS cold. Right now as I type this I am sitting on the couch in shorts and a t shirt. The window is open and there is a cool breeze. I am very comfortable. No need to pull the blanket off the back of the couch and get snuggly. I'm GTG (good to go).

BUT I can guarantee, despite all of that, my hands are like ice.

Normally this doesn't effect my day. Although I'm pretty sure Triple S would disagree as he is usually employed as my de facto hand warmer.

But that is because my job isn't to sooth people's tired muscles. No one wants COLD hands on them. It just wouldn't work.

So sure I guess I COULD be a masseur but I sure wouldn't be a good one.

40!!!!!!!!!!!

So I've skirted around the age thing here a bit. Not so much because I care but because I'm SUPPOSED to care.

It's one of those things women are not allowed to talk about.

The other is of course weight.

My kids have been obsessed with age for a long as I can remember. They know better than I do how old Triple S will turn this year and they sure as hell know how old I'm going to be.

SPOILER ALERT it's 40.

In case you didn't figure that out yet.

I'm a bicentennial baby. That's a thing you know. Before there were state quarters there were bicentennial quarters. 1976 In case you didn't want to do the math. The year the country turned 200. Luckily I'm not that old. Or unlucky? Not sure If I'd want to live that long.

Whatever. Back on topic.

40 is the new 30 or 20? I'm not sure. I'm also not sure why I'm supposed to freak out.  Sure there are more lines on my face than there were last year and me and hair color aren't just friends anymore. It's more of a codependent relationship. But .....

Wait where was I going with this?

Oh yeah. Who cares.

I have a great life. A husband who supports my craziness. Kids who have never had to be "scared straight" and not one but two jobs I love. Not to mention some of the greatest friends a grown woman could ask for.

That sounds a bit like I'm protesting too much plus there was a distinct lack of sarcasm. Maybe my age is maturing me?

Probably not though since I'm typing this in a Wolverine T-shirt.

Activity Specific Music

So cool news. I teach martial arts AGAIN. New twist. I actually get paid this time.  Crazy right? As if the preschool foolishness wasn't enough. Nope. Now it's play dough mornings and arm bar nights.

BEST LIFE EVER.

Okay done with that!

So along with this cool new thing I've been making playlists like its my job.

OH WAIT, IT IS!!! (so cool)

So obviously when you are trying to push yourself to work harder you need good music.

No ENYA.

That just isn't going to cut it.

One of my favorite motivational go to songs is THUNDERSTRUCK.

It makes you want to push harder. It makes me think I can run a little further, hit a little harder, jump a little higher. Basically be Superwoman.

It's also in a playlist that I like to listen to with the windows down while I drive fast.

That's it though.

When else would anyone listen to AC/DC?

Folding laundry?

Yoga?

Mowing the lawn?

Singing?

SIDE NOTE: These are all things I have playlists for. Seriously. I'm obsessed with music. 

So I guess my question is are there any other songs that are very activity specific? Song that only work for one thing?

bumper stickers

The other day I was having a conversation about road rage. A friend was telling me about an article he read that concluded if you had bumper stickers you were more likely to have road rage.  The reason was that by putting stickers on your car it became an extension of yourself, therefore any incident involving the car was a personal affront.

Made logical sense.

SIDE NOTE: Because today I am not being lazy here is the article.

For the record I do have a sticker on my car but I've never had road rage. I've had road frustration or road annoyance but never rage.

this is my sticker. BROWNCOAT!!

I'll pause for you to try and fit that into your world view. I know it's weird. Like finding out the pope likes hunting. Some how it doesn't seem right.


I agree about the sticker making your car more personal. It isn't as permanent as a tattoo but it certainly isn't easy to get off. That is why political bumper stickers confuse me.

Beyond that though is the people who put them on crooked.

You love this candidate SO MUCH you are going to drive around town announcing it to everyone else on the road but you can't be bothered to make sure the dam sticker is straight?

I find this unsettling.

So here is your PSA:

I don't care who you vote for or whether or not you want everyone to coexist (in a religious or sci fi way) or maybe you want to let everyone know Timmy loves soccer. Whatever.

Please, for the love of god, just take 2 extra seconds to make sure you are putting the sticker on straight.

This message has been approved by the committee to stop stupid. Our work is never over so we can never rest.

Stop Judging me PHONE!!

So my phone has this built in app that tracks my activity. You can enter your weight and your food and water and basically it will tell you when to put the cookie down and walk around a bit.

It will even track your heart-rate and stress level.

At this point I know you are yelling at me that you aren't a Luddite and you are aware of all the cool things phones can do now. I know. Sorry. Just in case.

This isn't a tech lesson though.

This is the rant of a crazy person who talks to her phone.

You see it tells me when I'm on target to achieve my active minutes. The only problem being that I don't normally have my phone on me while I'm exercising so it inevitable yells at me about how lazy I'm being as I'm walking out of the gym dripping in sweat.

Take this morning. 30 minutes jogging on the god awful treadmill (at a pace a snail would sneer at) and just as I finish wiping up my puddle the dam thing tells me I need to pick up the pace if I'm going to hit my goal.

I didn't give the damn thing a goal nor did I ask it to silently judge me.

Piss off Phone.

Friend Interview

No I'm not looking for new friends.

If I were though it would involve a cage match and not an interview. Maybe a singing contest.

I'm talking about me going out with a friend and their friends.

"Don't worry you are going to love them."

"You're going to get along with them great."

Maybe most people believe these statements but I know me. I'm not a regular person. Not normal.

Just because we like the same comedian doesn't mean they will like me.

Notice I just assumed I would like them. Of course. They are friends of a good friend. I trust her judgement. Although I guess that's only a true statement when it isn't about me.

Because I'm a mystery for sure. Not because like everyone else I sometimes question my awesomeness.

Because that would be crazy. Obviously I know I'm awesome. I was just checking to see if you guys were paying attention. Good work. You passed.

It went well I guess. I can be quite impressive when I want to be. Although I did feel a bit like I was offering up my resume at dinner.

So I guess the point of this blog is........

Actually I have no idea. Let's end it like a true 90's kid.

And now you know.

Grammar Counts

I'm sure everyone has seen all the memes about grammar.

How There, Their and They're is crucial to the survival of the human race.



Even BatDad knows the struggle is real.


There is so much stuff dedicated to this on the internet it's hard to avoid it. And yet people still refuse to accept it's importance.

Luckily there are long suffering nerds like myself who aren't afraid to debate the important topics.

Case in point.

Our drill the other night in Krav Maga included this exercise:



We call this Spiderman.

Certainly if you could look down it would appear as if this lady was bitten by a radioactive spider and gained the unnatural ability to climb buildings. Obviously that is why we call it that.

Irrelevant though because why it's called that isn't' what I wanted to talk about. Of course I got distracted by another superhero origin story because that's what nerds do.

Anyway back on target, the person I was doing the drill with and I were trying to decide what the plural of spider-man would be.

Spiderman's (possessive)

Or

Spidermen? (plural)

Because of course this is the discussion you are going to have while you suck wind trying to kick a pad over and over again before continuing the above pictured torture.  Well maybe that isn't what you would be doing but obviously that is what I was doing. Better still that is what my partner was doing.

Don't you just love it when you find your people? You know the ones with the same brand of crazy as you? It's awesome. 

Our conclusion was that we should be saying Spidermans because we were talking about multiple singular things and not about multiple people or about something that belonged to Spiderman. Although if Spiderman did invent this exercise and named them after himself then I might have to rethink my conclusion.

Anyone want to add their vote?

Of course this is very ironic because I'm sure you know as an avid reader that I frequently make mistakes in this blog. Not intentionally though. So I think that gets me a pass.