Fry Everything!

I try to eat healthy.

I even like it most of the time. Seriously, I'm a fan of spinach.

I've mentioned in the past though that despite my best intentions, nothing is as good as a brownie.

Today my wonderful family went the Balloon Festival.

It was a rainbow explosion.

It was fun. Although there was this really annoying thing where you had to wait in line to buy tickets before you had to wait in line to use the before mentioned tickets to buy food. But I'm not going to get into that right now because the assbackwardness of it will give me a headache.

The launching of the Balloons. Rudderless flying machines.

After enjoying some delicious grape leaves (see healthy by choice) we watched as all the balloons started to inflate themselves. Triple S had a few tickets left so we decided to indulge but since we only had 5 tickets and I wasn't about to wait in the ticket line again we had a limited selection for our indulgence.

We settled on FRIED BROWNIES. Yeah you read that right. Fried brownies.

That's disgusting! I would never eat that.

Well then you will be missing out on the closest thing to ambrosia us mere humans can have. Seriously I think I saw Apollo in line in front of me. Or it could have been Hermes.

Placing bets on who would launch next.

Based on this experience I'm going to take out my fryer and everything is going into it. Seriously. Everything. I'll let you know how my experiments go.

PS Please note that the nerd in my couldn't resist using Greek gods after eating Greek food. Yeah, I'm really that insane.

PPS it took 2 FULL HOURS to get out of the parking lot. I love you NC but you people seriously need to nut up and merge! Stop being so dam nice and get your car out there.

I love these ridiculous little monsters.

Did you know that I like the Yankees?

Yeah well I do. And not just because they're awesome and I'm awesome so obviously we are a match made in heaven. I've loved them since I can remember.

You remember in the 80's when they were awful? Yeah I still loved them. Of course it's possible I loved them more when they were winning but it's hard to be sure. Plus I don't like to think I'm the kind of person that would feel that way. Totally not cool.

Why are you telling us about your love for a sports team?

Excellent question.

I'm telling you because Triple S was watching his favorite team in the play-offs.

Before you ask it's the Red Sox and no I don't want to talk about it. He can't be perfect.

Now I'm not bitter about the Yankees having a sucktacular season but that doesn't mean I'm about to start enjoying the Red Sox playing. I seriously don't I hate them. Not because they are my favorite team's epic rival but because they don't understand word definitions.

That's a weird reason to hate a team.

Yeah it is. Still it's is a reason.

uniform

1.identical or consistent, as from example to example, place to place, or moment to moment: uniform spelling; a uniform building code.

2.without variations in detail: uniform output; a uniform surface.

3.constant; unvarying; undeviating: uniform kindness; uniform velocity.

4.constituting part of a uniform: to be issued uniform shoes.

5.Mathematics . occurring in a manner independent of some variable, parameter, function, etc.: a uniform bound.

I want you to concentrate on definition #1.

Short pants and a scruffy beard. NO!

Long pants and another beard! NO NO!

Please read above again. It's called a uniform for a reason. And it isn't just because they liked the way the word sounded. 

Did you know Steinbrenner had a dress code? or a hair cut code? Not sure what he called it. 

 

Yeah. George did that. After the Red Sox won the world series they did spots on lots of TV shows including a makeover one. A few of the players got haircuts and new wardrobes but they were not allowed to touch Johnny Damon's hair. Of course all that changed after he joined the Yankees.

So I don't care if it's no shave November even though it's October. Get a haircut you Hippies! You're on a team, you can express your individuality after you choke and the season is over.

Epic Teaching

The awesomest thing ever happened this week at work!

AWESOME I TELL YOU.

Please tell us what it is? We need to know.

Shhhhhhh. Be patient my pretties. All is due time.

We need to know. 

I'm going to tell you, golly. Just CHILL. (Did I just type 'golly'? I need to get out more.)

So as you might remember I teach preschool now. I'm entering my sophomore year and trying to avoid the slump. Testing out new songs and new crafts. I'm going to keep it fresh and make sure those kids love learning.

I do this by being silly and ridiculous. Also by mixing in bits and pieces of my old life.

Everyday we head up the stairs to enjoy the playground and some running around. Little kids are especially fond of this time of day and they have a tendency to rush up said stairs.

We remind them over and over again to go slow and hold the railing.

Yesterday after another round of repetition the tiniest of my charges piped up "One hand for the ship."

Now if you know what that means you are my kind of people.

If not.......

Ships pitch and roll. They aren't the stablest of platforms so when you are new the saltier souls remind you "one hand for the ship". It means you should always have a free hand in case you need to grab on to a railing quickly. I have borrowed this phrase to remind the kids to hold the railing when we are heading up the stairs.

It's going to get rough. You might want to hold on.

Told you it was EPIC!

Cause I'm Damaged Goods.

Right now we are attempting to deal with some tragedy and I do that best by making off color jokes and being obnoxious. Luckily my friends give me wonderful fodder for both.

Triple S jokes that I should always be on your team in any sort of trivia game. I love Jeopardy and Trivial Pursuit. There is a ridiculous amount of random knowledge in my head. Add to my love of weird facts all the random things I've done (for work, for fun and as a volunteer) and it turns me into the person people call with odd questions.

 This weeks weird stuff included:

My dog ate a raisin. (They're bad for dogs like chocolate.) A friend with a new pup was panicked because one of her young children dropped a single raisin onto the floor at which point the tiny pup gobbled it up.

Of course the Internet didn't help to calm her fears so I got the call. Luckily I was able to calm her down and the pup is doing fine.

How do I cook pork chops? I provided a few quick ideas, hints to make sure they didn't get dried out. Apparently people were coming over for dinner who don't eat chicken, fish or red meat. (Is that reverse Kosher?)

Then there was the conversation I had with the Starbucks lady about this:

 

Cat Poop Coffee!!! I love fancy coffee but this is a bit too weird for my tastes.
PS it's $45 for 4oz!!!! Consider this against 4oz of Starbucks at $3.50. (That's 4oz of beans not coffee.)

 Strangers seem to assume I know things too. A lady at Dunkin Donuts saw my military ID and proceeded to ask me if it was normal for people in the service to elope. See her daughter had recently married her Marine boyfriend in a quickie service at the courthouse. Mom was very unhappy about missing out on the big day.

Anyone else have weird questions they need answers too? Anything about large mammals? Homeopathic remedies? How to get crayon out of your laundry? I'm here and ready to help you out.

Ruby Slippers

I love The Wizard of Oz!

Follow The Yellow Brick Road.

I have owned this movie in every form possible. VHS taped from TV, Beta-max, DVD and now Blu-Ray but I've never seen it on the big screen. I'm going to get a chance soon though. It's coming back in IMAX.

I'm going to take my kids. I've made them sit through it at home but it's not the same. Movies are still special on the big screen even if the sound and definition is probably better on the flat-screen in my living room. The popcorn isn't the same.something to do with the butter or the salt?

My love of this movie (and book) caused me to spoil some things about the musical Wicked when I went to see it with some awesome ladies. Which was an amazing musical by the way, made all the more amazing by my level extreme nerd love of all things Oz.

The Ruby Slippers aren't really Ruby. They changed them to red for the movie to take advantage of the new color technology. (Good Lord I am a nerd!)

Fun Fact: When Triple S and I sat down to put together our wedding album I wanted all the photos from before the ceremony to be black and white and all the ones after to be in color. I thought it was genius. (This was before Pinterest people.)

Sadly this was also in the days before digital photography and although my photographer used both black and white and color film there wasn't enough of either to make the idea work without leaving out some of my favorite shots. He offered to covert the black and whites but it would be at a steep change as according to him 'it wasn't easy'. I have no idea how accurate that statement is as I'm not a photographer but at the time I had already laid out a pretty penny for my wedding and wasn't willing to increase the number any higher.

I know I'm a paragon of fiscal conservativeness.

So I didn't get my Wizard of Oz homage but I did get Triple S so I guess it was a fair trade.

I have a pair of red shoes but they aren't as cool as these.

How do I escape the Devil?

So I moved!!!(More on this later.)

Thanks to some great friends we were able to get everything from the old house all the way (.68 miles) to the new house. I am so lucky and grateful for how awesome everyone has been to us.

Not really surprising though. Based on my level of awesome one could only assume that everyone who would associate with me would be similarly awesome.

Two and a half days of back breaking labor where the only sustenance provided was pizza and beer.

Pizza and Beer you say? I've worked for less? I hear that. But this wasn't Brooklyn pizza. This was North Carolina pizza and although the South has a lot of culinary brilliance to offer pizza isn't one of them.

Back to the subject at hand though.

So as we moved every thing to the new house one wonderful person made sure there was toilet paper in all the bathrooms. She's a detail kind of person and no one wants to worry about if there is TP after carrying my ridiculously large green chair up a flight of stairs.

I was thankful to have so many people helping right up until I had to use the bathroom myself.

Dear God In Heaven how did I not know we had a anarchist among us?

I had let her get in close, trusted her, shared my home with her. All the while she was just waiting to set the world on fire. Now I'm in deep and I don't know how to get out.

I need help.

I can't continue to pretend that this okay. I can't keep quiet and just ignore it. Someone has to speak up!!!!


PS Obviously this is sarcasm. To all of my wonderful friends who helped me this past weekend I say thank you a thousand times over. You are truly awesome!

PPS If that door makes you wonder if it's bigger on the inside you are my people.

I'm my own worst enemy sometimes

When I get stressed I have two options. Since I'm me though, it isn't as easy as that.

Option one is I go to the gym and sweat.

Option two is brownies. Although really any chocolate will do.


Since I'm sitting home waiting for a phone call option one is out.....

Damn you sweet tooth!

Damn you straight to hell! 

I try not to self sabotage but sometimes I just really need a brownie!

How come salad doesn't taste like chocolate? Or kale chips? Or some other such healthy treat. And don't start in with your list of substitutes. Sure there is stuff that will curb my sweet tooth on a regular day but nothing tastes as good as a brownie. Nothing.

Yum?

I feel myself calming already.

I need to add to that list before my kids get to be teenagers or I'm going to be pulling a Sisyphus.