Thursday, January 10, 2013

Reverse Alcoholism

If you have spent any time with me in a social setting you are probably aware that I don't drink. Like Ever.

Well except for a champagne toast. I will not be the reason you join the 50% of failed marriages!

49%? Whatever the statistic is up to now.

I don't have a problem with anyone else drinking. Enjoy yourself! Let loose. Hell black out for all I care. It's just not my cup of tea. Or glass of wine. Whatever.

These are the kinds of things that sober people do at parties .

I realize this is weird. I'm in my 30's. Shut up! I dont have to say my real age every time. Having never had a drink is not normal. Have you been paying attention? There really isn't anything normal about me.

There was a point in my "wacky" childhood when everyone else started sneaking a drink at parties. Going to China Town and getting a fake ID. Getting an older sibling to go to the liquor store for a ridiculous profit margin.

If I get really deep I can talk about life being out of control and not wanting to loose control of myself  but I'm not that deep and this isn't that Blog. Lets save introspection for twitter and instagram with fancy filters.

So since you are never going to see me intoxicated I can share this with you.

Three things make me crazy.

1 Over hydration. Too much water and I go LOCO!

2 Pain. When I am truly in pain I get a nice case of the giggles. (Think kidney stones or internal bleeding, both stories for another day)

3 Over tired. When I am sleepy everything is hysterical to me. Seriously I will even laugh at Carrot Top, and not in an ironic way.

Triple S and I were sitting on the couch catching up with Steven Colbert and John Stewart. His attention was split between the TV and his laptop.  After a while my attention was divided too.

Watching silly videos and and De-motivational posters. (It's an exciting life we lead.)

He made me watch this video:

Now to be fair this chick is funny or I wouldn't have bothered to include it but my reaction was a bit of an overreaction.

So to steal a phrase from Mr Stewart, there is your moment of zen. Enjoy.

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