Snow, It's that cold white stuff falling from the sky.

In the past I've talked about the South being awesome.

It isn't perfect though.

Certainly they can't make a good pizza or a bagel. (DO NOT START TELLING ME I'M WRONG AND THAT YOU CAN GET THEM AT SUCH AND SUCH PLACE. I can't have my heart broken again.)

So far this winter my kids have had three late start days due to COLD.

Yeah, you read that right. It hasn't even snowed and they have already had three half days.

Half days don't affect the school year though so who really cares? Plus they mean I got to sleep two hours later. A joy I won't pass up.

Yes after almost 3 hours the grass is still poking through.

Snow is funny down here because there are no plows. No salt trucks. No snow removal vehicles of any kind. It makes sense. In the three years since I moved it has only snowed twice. Not really a fiscally responsible move to have a team of plows standing at the the ready.

The first time it snowed was Christmas 2010. The kids missed five days of school. Five days of school because it snowed 1 inch. 

That isn't a typo. One, Uno, Ein, Un. 

A whole week of school for snow that I shoveled (pointlessly), in a t-shirt.

Right now it is snowing again. I already had to go get my kids from school 2 hours early and although it isn't official, there is no way they will have school tomorrow.

We stopped by Target before it started and people where clearing the shelves of the proverbial milk and bread. (Why are those the foods we assume we will need if we are trapped in our houses?)

Side note: Down here all the Targets have full grocery stores in them. It's crazy.

Right now it has been snowing steady (but slow) for about 3 hours and it is expected to continue till 2am. We might see some actual snow.  Already the ridiculousness has started. I watched my neighbor try and get his Dodge Ram pick up into his driveway. He made 3 attempts because he forgot he was driving a truck and it has four wheel drive. I'm not kidding. 3 attempts.

His driveway is basically flat with the tiniest slope at the beginning and he had a hard time getting up it.

In case you were wondering this is a brand new truck. It's not like it was some 1980's beast that he would have had to lock the hubs on.

Arrow is pointing to his driveway. Steep it is not. Please also note my kids trying desperately to make snow balls.

Last time it snowed Triple S and I went out the next day and the number of vehicles in ditches was easily a double digit figure. Most were trucks and some stayed there for a full week despite the fact that the snow had melted completely away by the end of day one.

So I guess the point of this is "how many?"

How many days are the kids going to miss? Who wants to place bets?

I wear my Nerd Card with pride.

It does scare people sometimes.

So I moved. I've mentioned it before. To a wonderful planned community. The houses are lovely examples of classic American architecture.

They also happen to look very similar and everyone seems to really love earth tones. There are a lot of variations on the brown theme. Not to mention the houses have all been built in the last year so no one has really had time to change anything. No fancy landscaping or personal details.

Right now it has a distinctive Stepford feel.

Blah Blah Blah, no one cares about your new house. Stop bragging about your American dream.

Sorry. There is a point in this.

Once a month the ladies from the development meet in the clubhouse for drinks and chatting. It gives us a chance to get to know our neighbors and to talk about how much we love the South. (Not sure how I'm disproving that Stepford comment yet.)

When new ladies arrive we go through the process of explaining which house we live in.

Mrs. X: I live in the one with the double porch.

Mrs. Y: Oh the one in the cul de sac?

Mrs. X: No the one across from the pool.

Mrs. Y: Oh with the dark brown trim or the beige trim?

Mrs. X: Dark Brown.

This is a typical conversation.

Not me though.

All I have to say is Blue Door. Yup. Two words and everyone smiles and nods because they know what I'm talking about.

What does this have to do with being a nerd?

Excellent question. I swear you guys are so smart.

Stop sucking up. We still aren't going to comment on your blog.

Please? Never mind you heartless bastards. Back to the story.

Usually they follow it up with a question about why I love the color blue so much.

Last night though I skipped over the regular pleasantries and told them the truth.

My door is TARDIS blue.

Yeah I just admitted my door color was chosen based on my nerd love of a TV show.

That just happened. Surprisingly, I feel no shame.

There were a few pleasant smiles and some quiet chuckles but not a one of them knew who Doctor Who was so then I was forced to explain it.

That was a bad decision. Trying to explain Doctor Who to people who have never even heard of it is like trying to explain physics, in French, to a 3 year old.

That is to say I sounded insane, angry and I wasn't making any sense all at the same time.

So I didn't find any new nerd souls sisters but I did horify my neighbors and that sometimes can be just as rewarding.

I sweat, I don't glisten.

Although I don't talk about it all the time I frequent the gym. It's been a few years so I know most of the instructors and most of them know me. There are a few, of course, who I only know in passing, as I don't frequent their classes.

While having a chat with one of my good friends, who is also an instructor, one of the lesser known (to me) instructors came over.

LKI (lesser know Instructor): Ronnie right?

me- Yup

LKI- Where is your puddle?

me- Of sweat? yeah I left that in the other room.


My sweating is a topic of conversation among the gym staff.  

Yeah, you read that right. That's how bad it is! I'd be embarrassed if it wasn't true.

That's my mat after a work out. I was probably only on it for 10 minutes.

A photo from my hike. This is about halfway up the mountain. By the time we were done the only dry part of my shirt was the bottom edge. Then it started to rain and I could pretend that was why I was wearing a wet shirt.

2014!!!

What else would you call the first post of the new year?

Although this post has nothing to do with new years or resolutions, or revolutions for that matter.

It's only a coincidence that I have time today to tell you about my new game.

What new game? We remember customer service roulette with such fondness.

I know, Hasbro has nothing on me.

The week before Christmas we took the family to Charleston. Triple S had some tugboat related business to attend to, well it's not like we were busy the week before Christmas. (hahahahahahahah)

It was an awesome trip. The kids had so much fun, but more on that another day.

The new game.

Remember when we were little and we would play car games? finding the alphabet on license plates? I spy?

Hours of fun.

Now we watch movies or play angry birds and candy crush on our smart phones. While this is also fun, it means that no one looks out the window or has a conversation.

But since we have those neat smart phones why not use them?

  What is Fort Lawn?

This is how the game starts. Get those fingers typing and figure out what it is. You can decide ahead of time what criteria you are judging on. Funniest explanation or most factual. It helps of course to have a good phone or a fast connection.

Did you know they have a flea market? Every Saturday from 9-1. 

Sometimes having paid attention in 5th grade will negate the need for a phone. 

I want an Island named after me. That isn't part of the game I'm just saying wouldn't that be cool? I know you can buy a star if you want but I'm not sure how legal that is and it's not like you can live on a star. Is that guy still selling real estate on the moon? If Sci Fi has taught me anything it's that we are going to live on the moon one day. Under the sea too. Oh and there will be zombies of course. Not sure if they will make it to the moon though? I think we'll be safe there.

Maybe.

Tangent, sorry.

Back to the game.

Get your phones and her fingers ready for your next road trip and enjoy.

You're welcome by the way.

Side note: Triple S was driving when all of these photos were taken. I have issues with speed but I don't text and drive, or photograph and drive.

100, One Hundred, C

This is my 100th Blog post.

Who knew I had that much random crap in me to share with the masses?

On TV they make a big deal out of 100 episodes. They pretend it's because the show has lasted so long but really that's the magic number that makes syndication possible.

 

Syndication is where the real money in TV is. Or so I've been told. It's not like I have my own talk show. Although if someone wants to put that into production I would be %100 percent on board. It would have to be cable though. Sure I'm a preschool teacher but it would be pushing my luck to be on TV during the family hour.

I hear the FCC is pretty hardcore about some words being said on the air.

Back on point.

(Have you ever noticed that I stray from the point A LOT?)

100th post. It's special because 100 is a big number.

Right now 3 of my posts have exactly 100 views. (not sure how many are spambots. It's not my fault that my target demographic is Russian robots.) 1 2 3

My most read blog post to date is about Me and Captain Phillips.

My least read is taking the kids to see Big Time Rush. (We did make is back from the Wedding in time although it was the night before Natalie's first day of Kindergarten, I'm sure she had a great first day. Only babies need more than 6 hours of sleep.)

FB is still the main way people get here despite my Twitter/instragram/email campaign!!! I can't afford a Superbowl commercial people. Help me out.

It is also the only way people comment!!! Don't you want to comment directly on my blog that way strangers think I'm more popular that I am? Seriously Please! Comment on my blog, it brings me such joy. Don't you want to bring me joy?


The weirdest way someone found my blog was Tuxedo Ken doll. SCARY!
This week though, someone arrived here by typing "everything with fries blog", is that a real thing? Does someone write about about having fries with everything? Because that is genius!



So for my 100th post I have nothing new for you. Just recycled crap which is perfect because it is the
end of the year and everyone else is doing "year in review" crap so why not me too?

Because they actually have exciting things to recap. (you can shut up now voice in my head!)




Bonus points to anyone that knew C was the roman numeral for 100.

Why did you buy the Turbo Engine?

I live in the South now but I learned to drive in New York. Practiced in Boston and mastered my skills in New Jersey. (I have parallel parked a Tahoe in Manhattan.!)

I'm not a polite driver. I have a bit of a lead foot. I occasionally treat red lights like a drag strip. Nothing ridiculous, no 128 in a 45. I leave that to the professionals.

I dread any conversation that starts with "I saw you driving the other day."

Of course none of this makes me drive any nicer but at least I know I'm crazy right? That's got to count for something. Seriously. That counts right?

Whatever.

Back on point.

There are a lot of weird things about North Carolina driving. For one the parking lots are confusing and have so many dead ends they all kind of feel like a trap. Another is most drivers refusal to use lanes that will eventually merge.

Do you see the two red arrows? The inside lane ends in about 1000 feet. There will be 30 cars lined up on the outside lane and no one will use the inside lane. I routinely use this lane and pass 30 cars. It feels shady but there is a reason that lane is there.

There is even a sign specifically for this. All 50 states use it.

It's called a merge. Seriously.

That isn't what this is about though.

You know how they say your children learn from what you do not what you say?

Yeah well....

Colin was in the car with me and we were at the above pictured intersection. Of course I was in the merge lane. There was however, one car in front of me. When the light turned green the car proceeded to go but very slowly.

I happened to notice that she had purchased the turbo version of her car and I might have commented that is was a waste as the car was going so slow.

Colin was of course curious as to what a turbo was.

Being the good Mom that I am I explained to him what the difference between a normal engine and a turbo charged engine was.

He thought about it for a moment before turning to me.

Colin -"We have the turbo, don't we Mom?"

Me -"Heck yeah we do buddy."

This is probably why Triple S has said he will be the one teaching the kids to drive.

Black Friday is Fun for Crazy People.

One of the best things ever happened on Black Friday.

Technically it was late Turkey Day but there isn't a name for shopping on a national holiday so it stays a Black Friday story.

Yes, I go shopping on this most insane of days. No, I have never fought anyone over a TV or a game station. I've never threatened anyone. Never even seen any of these events.

It's possible that is because I live in the middle of nowhere. It always seems those stories of insanity and homicidal shopping rage occur in much more heavily populated areas but I digress.

These are pics I found online because I was too busy trying to make sure my cart didn't run over any one's toes but it is an accurate representation.

The first stop with my shopping wing lady was Target. They had cordoned off the store to create a maze like path to keep the bottle-necking down to a minimum but it meant there was really no room to turn back if you missed something without creating a cart pileup.

Also they had $2 towels. Sure they weren't the softest of towels but I have two small children and my current towels and starting to look a little worn so $2 towels sounded like a great deal.

More online photos. There was a line like this outside of Target.

As I leaned over the GIANT bin of towels to grab a few in the colors I liked a friend came rushing over and grabbed the towel out of my hand. She screamed nice and loud and I responded in kind. Yelling at her but stopping short of name calling.

It was one of those times I wished I was being followed by a camera crew because the faces on the ladies around us were priceless.

The store was crawling with police so we didn't continue our amusing improv show. Instead choosing to hug and wish each other a merry Holiday and bon shopping.

Everyone wants $3 slippers.