Fear's enemy is preparation

We have the Ring Doorbell. It's cool and I can see who is at the door so I can decide if I actually want to answer it. Also I'm about to have a teenage driver in my house and if he thinks he can sneak out that is NOT going to happen. Or maybe he wants to sneak someone in? Either way, not on my watch.

I mean that's what I use it for but I think other people use it too keep an eye on their property and discourage thieves. If the Ring app is anything to go by it is also used to locate lost dogs, garbage thieves and random ding dong ditch perpetrators.

My daughter likes to scroll through the alerts. She hopes the pups find their owners and laughs at kids running from porches.

We had a quick conversation about why so many people post about cars turning around in driveways and people walking by on the sidewalk.

I explained that people see danger around every corner when they don't know what real danger looks like. So every person that walks by might be a robber casing their house and every car in their driveway might be a team of burglars ready to steal their awesome DVD collection.

It might also be someone who made a wrong turn on their way to a dinner party.

When you aren't prepared you can see darkness in every corner. Danger in every stranger.

The best way to conquer fear is to be prepared.


Are you prepared?


I might know a good place to start if you need help.

Sheepdog Response

I'm Broken Again or My Legend Only Grows

So you may remember a few years ago I broke my wrist.

I did get an awesome metal plate. So it was kind of a win. But more than the fact that I broke it was the stuff I did after the break.

I finished the race.
Didn't miss a day of "work".
Did a half MURPH within a month.
And was back training ninja stuff in a week.

Basically, I proved I'm a superhero.
Or insane. Sometimes it's a fine line.

I've tried to tell people I don't feel pain but it always sounds like I'm exaggerating or bragging.

I'm not. It's gotten me into trouble before.

Not feeling pain isn't a good thing.

But since I can't change it I will use it to my advantage to help my legend GROW.

So I'm broken again. The 2nd metatarsal in my right foot.

We are going to use the Ranger Up Grappling Classic as a timeline for my injury.

2 weeks till the tournament
Let's start with the how.

I mean that's what everyone asks.

What I say is "big guy fell on it." And while that is true it's a bit of a simplification.

What happened was I was training HARD and because I'm still a blue belt and do stupid stuff I had an active toe during a takedown and the person doing the takedown (the takedowner?) landed on it.

The noise it made was so scary everyone in class stopped. I of course laughed it off.

"I'm sure it's fine."-me

Everyone else seemed concerned.

Ice was procured. A chair was moved.

I was told to chill.

So because it did hurt and I was tired I agreed.

"It's just your tendons" -coach

Sure. Let's hope you stayed at a holiday inn express last night because you're not a doctor.

it's swollen but it doesn't look too bad right?

12 days out
For a few days I hobbled around but then it was feeling better and I don't have time for injuries.

Thank goodness for tape. Surely it will fix anything.

Please notice my foot has tape on it.

Back to training.

Does my foot hurt? Yes. Do I care? No.

So training hard is the only option.

7 days out
I'm concerned about the fact that my foot still isn't "better". But the swelling is down and the bruises are gone.

toes aren't supposed to be purple

I'm sure it's fine.

4 days out. Last hard roll. Last real training session. When I stepped off the mats I was pretty sure my foot was broken.

3 days out.
I call the orthopedist and make an appointment for the Tuesday after the long Memorial Day weekend.

Could they have squeezed me in tomorrow? I'm not sure. I didn't ask. I didn't want them to confirm what I suspected. As long as there was room for doubt I could compete.

"You're not going to tape your foot at the tournament are you?" -coach

I mean I was but I guess not now. Pretty sure the tape was only a placebo anyway.

Tournament day
10 matches! 10 matches. Some wins some losses. Not a bad day. I made some stupid mistakes but again, blue belt. That's pretty much a guarantee.

on the podium. 

Either way the foot felt pretty good. I was starting to think I overreacted by calling the doctor.

1 day after
"Whose coming to open mat?" -training partner

This chick is. Foot feels better and I want to try and work on the dumb stuff and hey, what else am I going to do on a Sunday?

2 days after
"Mom we're doing the MURPH right?"-Nat

 Of course we are peanut. Who says no to a kid wanting to honor a true hero and exercise?

squats squats squats

Please note I rowed instead of running because while my foot felt better running still wasn't an option.

3 days post Tournament
"Oh hey Doc."-me

That is for sure a broken foot so its a good thing I have a boot waiting in my car. I'll just slip into this sexy accessory.

"See you in 3 weeks."-me

boot at the pool. 

So to sum up I am a real-life superhero.

One last thing. If this sounds like one big brag it's this guys fault:

When you reinforce my bad choices with compliments it only feeds the beast. He did temper it with a dig about my mouth but whatever. Doesn't change the fact that you said something nice first. 

Mama Bear VS Sheepdog Mom

Moms want what's best for their kids. They want them safe to grow up and flourish. Live a better life than their parents. And when things don't go their way those same mom's, who cut the crusts off sandwiches and make homemade Halloween costumes, turn into fierce and dangerous Momma Bears.

The problem is that Momma Bear's claws and teeth aren't real. All roar and no bite.

Don't get me wrong lots of things in this world can be fixed with words and a strong backbone.

Momma Bears aren't a bad thing.

But there is something better. An option that does have teeth. An option that has claws and knows how to use them.

The world is complicated and sometimes the ability to defend yourself and those you love most is required.

Bears cannot be relied upon to attack when needed. Bears aren't Man's best friend.

That place of honor is held by the dog. (I don't want to hear about cats. That's crazy talk.)

So I don't want to be a Momma Bear I want to be a Sheepdog Mom.

I want to be your friend. I want to make you feel safe. But never for a moment doubt that if needed I have teeth and claws and I will use them to protect what's most important to me.

I know that in order to be a sheepdog I must first acknowledge that there are things in this world that are evil.  They are rare but they are still out there. At first, it's scary admitting there are things in the world that want to hurt you. But once you start to learn to be aware you realize you can avoid them.

It's liberating to know there isn't much you can't handle.

So who wants to be a sheepdog instead of a momma bear?

My favorite people have a sale going on right now. 

You know I have a favorite group and they want Mom's safe to so they have a discount code.

They have15% off the entire site now through Mother’s Day with code: SDRMOM

Another 365 days on this earth.

Next week I turn 43.

Forty-Three Years Old.

I should FEEL old. I should be slowing down right? Finding a nice relaxing hobby like knitting or fast mall walking. Maybe wear a lot more velour.

All of these are solid options.

FUCK THAT.

In the last month, I got to fight Tim Kennedy, I competed in a Crossfit competition and I signed up for the Ranger Up Grappling Tournament.

I have no plans to slow down. 

No plans to "go easy".

I wish I had found this purpose earlier in life but since I don't have a time machine that kind of thinking is useless so instead I'm just going to keep pushing forward. 

Keep striving to be better, faster, stronger, HARDER TO KILL.

So no pressure. No guilt. But if you're ready to join me let me know.

Like so many other things the first step is the hardest.

Sheepdog Training Part Deux

           From the day I finished the level one course I wanted more. I would have stayed forever just repeating the training over and over again if they would have let me in the most perfect version of Groundhog Day ever!!!

So when the amazing people at Sheepdog Response announced a level 2 class I was thrilled.

But before we get to how awesome the course was lets start at the end.

The moment three days of training is over and you feel a pit form in your stomach because although you are tired and sore you don't want to leave.

Surviving a difficult journey with a group of people forms a bond.

When you add to that the fact that we were all there with the same goal in mind it can be hard to walk away.

Then there are the instructors who so clearly have an intense desire to share their insane amount of knowledge.

I joked with another student about how we wanted this to be our life now. Wake up and train Self-defense, eat lunch then train weapons and Psy ops (is that what it's called?).

Like a real-life spy movie only better because I was the star.

It's hard to walk away from that unchanged.

When I went to the first class I already had a desire to be HARD TO KILL but I was unfocused and unsure about if what I was doing was enough or even the right thing.

I was so happy to realize I was doing exactly what I should be. Plus I got all kinds of tips for what needed more work. What I could be doing better.

I came back with a fire in my belly. With a renewed commitment to being the most badass mom on the block.

More than that though I realized there are a whole group of people who feel the same way.

A TRIBE.

That's the current vernacular.   That's what the kids call it.

Whatever you call it though that isn't the point.

The point is having people who understand what drives you and help you reach your goals. People who push you and offer advice to be better. People who understand your priorities.


I could write a 47 page paper about how much better I got in just three days of training, of what it feels likes to have some of the most deadly people on the planet compliment some tiny aspect of what you are doing.

Imagine Beyonce said you had a pretty singing voice?

Imagine Tom Brady said you had a good spiral?

These instructors are the BEST at what they do and they want to share that knowledge with you.

More than that though they want to help people.


Talking at the end of class with Tim Kennedy about what he was doing in the coming weeks he joked about going on a speaking tour to "make money" before he deployed again.  I countered with some comment about Sheepdog not making him a millionaire yet and we laughed. I could well imagine that between range time and travel, not to mention paying all the amazing instructors there probably wasn't much left over at the end of the day.

His response was so telling of a man that just wants to help make the world safer one person at a time.

"This is for my soul."

Think about that for a minute.   He is sharing his time and knowledge with as many people as he can because he genuinely cares. I guarantee if pressed the rest of the instructors would have a similar reason for being there.

Find people like this. Find them and learn from them.
Don't let anything get in your way. Don't let anyone tell you that you are too anything to give up on something important to you.

Side Note:
If you are reading this and you have questions or want to know more about this amazing group just ask. I will gladly tell you just how awesome I think they are and why you should take a class with them.

Never Quit

I attended Sheepdog Response's level 2 class this past weekend.

I'm working on a long post about how awesome it was but this is going to be short and sweet.

It was hard. Taxing both physically and mentally. What was amazing was how I felt physically.

Thinking back to a few years ago when a day at the zoo would leave me tired and achy. To a day when I would always chose the elevator/escalator/moving sidewalk over walking.

We did 3 days of almost 5 hours of hard physical work and I never got tired. Sure my heart rate went up and I was sweaty and breathing heavy but I never thought about how happy I would be when it was over.  I never looked at the clock counting the minutes till our next break.

Progress is SLOW and sometimes you feel like you aren't making any but don't quit.

If I can do this. You sure as shit can too.

True Friends

I was 35 before I realized what it was like to know people who don't judge or tell you that the things you like are stupid or that the choices you make aren't great.


I mean real friends do tell you your ideas are insane but they tell you that because they love you and want you to be safe and not get hurt. They tell you your ideas are crazy but that you are awesome for being crazy.

This isn't to bash any of the friends I made before 35. Some of them were and are still awesome people but I was never comfortable enough to be 100% me.

I worried that if I showed them the full level of crazy they would cringe and run away. I realize now they wouldn't have but I worried a lot about it then. I worried about a lot of things.

I wasted a lot of time on what others would think or say or know about me.

Foolish.

A thing I sincerely hope I am able to teach my kids a lot sooner than I figured it out.

None of this self-reflection is the point of this blog though.

It's a thank you to one of the few people who saw the full level of my crazy and said "let's be sisters."

Obviously, she is crazy too.

That goes without saying.

There are so many things about my ridiculous life right now that are directly thanks to her.

I don't mean little things. I mean BIG things. Most are thanks to her pushing and prodding.

We are not little talks people. I don't call to tell her about my new favorite coffee shop or some cute new shoes I got. We are BIG talks. Life changing talks and emergency calls in the middle of the night.

We are women of action. Not words.

So in an effort to change that and make sure she knows how awesome I know she is I am going to scream it into the internet void.

Thank you for everything.


If you were able to eavesdrop on just 10% of the shit I tell people about you your ego would no longer be able to fit in a normal sized elevator.